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Thanks Daz

Yes my friend is a doctor and he said it could possibly come up positive as he did £1200 worth of coke in 6 days – looking at the bank statements.

In a way if it is I think it will be good for him to see.

Saturday and Sunday he was soo strange and I was majorly on edge. Sunday he got drunk and he hasn’t drunk booze in front of me since June, so I knew he was struggling. I said nothing and when he started puking I even sat with him and rubbed his back. Later that evening we had a two hour talk and he said he needed the booze to get over how he was feeling. I understood (ish) and said we need to address the booze. He hasn’t drunk more than two cans of Stella since that day.

He’s not left the house

He gives me his phone at night

I have his wallet

I have all his money in my bank ac

I have all our car keys

Yesterday he seemed a lot more him, today we even had a cuddle. He did try and kiss me but I can’t do it.

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It’s a huge chunk of time and most people don’t make that! Even without these extra issues! So much history to just throw away.

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The sex thing was killing me. I missed it so much, I wouldn’t say I couldn’t go a few weeks and not be bothered, but having nothing between us for a good four years has left me feeling rejected. I always felt it was my fault and now I don’t as much.

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DOT – that crossed my mind. I know I’m he’s used two viagra pills and was probably had traces of cocaine in his system at same time. He is one lucky bloke.

He had his ecg and it’s all normal. Again he is lucky! Done bloods and we are back to see GP tomorrow.

Can you explain your question about the drug tests?

I plan on testing him tonight for the first time. I hope that it is positive (last known drug use was Friday 29th May) so that when we do more I can see it be negative. Probably doesn’t matter as all need to be negative really. I going to keep a journal of all the tests he does and dates. Then he has a full record of his efforts. Also when time comes to tell harder family members we have a log.

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Dazza I’m replying to you, while also asking a question.

I plan on testing my husband regularly and I will write a journal with every test/date/time in it. Tonight will be his first test and I hope it shows positive so I can see the change to negative, This is def for me. But also for him.

Can you do this? Would this help put her mind at rest? As I sure won’t be believing my husband when he says he will stay clean ever ever again. But I will believe a test.

Others on here, what do you think?

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Louise- this sounds like hell. I’m so sorry for you and your 3 children.

You are so strong to have kicked him out and cut ties!!! Be proud, head held high and know that you are stronger than me!!!!!!

I am right at week one (haven’t even completed a week yet) so don’t have anywhere near the experience of this or even know what I will actually do if my husband messes this up.

BUT – I’m putting myself in the shoes and story you wrote –

You have been strong, you have left him, kicked him out and cut him off. You’ve done it and you had done it for the right reasons! Good on you!

When you say what do you do now? Can you explain?

If you mean by helping him, I don’t think so. The hard bit is done and over with. There is no more for him that he deserves. You need to build yourself back up and start building your own life. His is his and it’s bad. Not drag yourself into that.

Your story gave me strength for what I might have to do/face. Thank you!

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Smithy- he really sounds bad. It’s the fact that he wants it so much that you keep finding stuff that worries me. I completely understand about his proving it to you, he should be on his knees begging you, but he obvs doesn’t want too. He just wants these drugs. His lack of empathy towards his daughter would really annoy me! I would have a massive issue with that, the kids are so important.

Does your daughter say anything to you?

You 100% need to tell your counsellor and get their help.

I’ve decided we will need marriage counselling when I get us back on track moneywise.

The sex/viagra is same as us. But I didn’t know why. Does weed effect that?

I felt so unattractive and unloved. We were having sex once every 10 months. After the last time – which was really good – I cried in his arms. He said don’t cry, what’s wrong and I was honest and said, see you in a year. He said no it won’t be, it will change. It didn’t.

That really hurt me. But now I know why, it helps me realise it wasn’t me.

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Omg I feel for you! 3 years. That’s insane!! How do you stay with him. I am so sorry.

I will be ok if I left him. I will manage. But emotionally I won’t.

He can’t relapse and have me. It won’t happen. I trust I am that tough.

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Gosh I admire you honesty so much! It’s incredible and what a bloody mess you have created.

But you are aware, you can tell that by your words.

No way should she take you back, but you should want to go back. You can’t.

A prison cell must have really shaken things up. But like you say you have got apprenticeships sept and a roof over your head (ok not where you want to be!) so it’s day 16, imagine what you can achieve by day 365!!! Keep going!!!

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Thanks I’ll def do that. He seems to have not struggled coming off it. I don’t know whether he is good at hiding it. He certainly seems a lot more him today. He’s def tired still.

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Ash/smithy,

Thanks yes 22 years is long, we have achieved sooo much! And I’ve loved 99% of it. I said to my cousins who are like my brothers, if I’m not able to stay with him because he messes this is, then so be it. I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted to do. Only thing I’d like now is a mrs hinches style house… mine a mess and even worse with kids off, some hot holidays and sex… we have no sex… he can’t get it up! Then that’s it, happy days. I am a simple woman hahahahaha hahaha. I making myself laugh, sad times

Daz you really are brave to tell us all this l. I appreciate it hugely. I can’t say it was easy reading for me. I am so new to all this. I hope that you can do what you need too and get back what you deserve/need.

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DOT thank you so much for such an honest reply. I really appreciate it so much.

I am so glad you haven’t lost your kids! They can’t be lost, you can’t. We are so lucky to have children.

How about their mother?

I will check tests I’ve ordered, if not right ones I’ll get others. I will buy whatever I need too.

My husband has said Sunday’s were his worst day – I used to work 12 hour shifts on a Sunday, as most money, least childcare to pay. He admits that those days were terrible. Made me feel bad. So it would be Tuesday/weds to check?

Thanks you for replying x

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I 100% don’t blame you for feeling like this. I get what you are saying.

I’m def piecing things together, I was angry but I’ve become less angry and more sad.

I’m quite a fiery person, so probably why my husband is a weaker type. We compliment each other. But now I had no clue how weak.

I am feeling exactly the same as you. I found out 29th May (I won’t ever forget date) and I could have just packed his bags then and there. But we have three sons together and I owe them to not leave him.

I’ve bought tests, first one he will do tonight. I’m hoping it will show positive. So then I can see a negative come.

Then if he fails a test from then on we will be finished. (I’m seeing the first three negatives as my full stop date… does that make sense?)

I bloody pray he isn’t like all the partners I’ve read about on here, relapsing time and time again. I hope that now it’s all in the open he will sort it properly.

For you this being a second marriage must be even harder. You were brave in the first place to marry again!

I doubt I’d ever want another man again. He’s all I’ve ever wanted, he isn’t perfect and drives me mad, but I honestly would never want anyone else. I’ve been with him since I was 18 and 22years is a crazy length of time to loose. I think if this ends I won’t be able to see him again, I’d cave in.

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Thanks smithy! You are totally right.

The pooping thing is so true! I remember a very disgusting time when he shit himself in the home office. I had only just remembered now! Christ how thick I was. That was last month.

What will you do if he refuses? If it’s positive?

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It’s exhausting to have to be the hawk.

I’m scared about that, as I had no idea at all my husband was a drug user. We have been together 22years and married 16. No clue whatsoever!

I don’t know his ‘tells’ or what I should look for in him. But I’m trying to piece it together when I have a chance to think of what he was like over time.

Your business together must make it quite difficult to have space from each other. But then again you can probably keep a much closer eye on him.

Does he do tests for you?

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