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Hi smithy, must be so hard to not be able to tell your parents.

I have told three close friends and my family. If this goes wrong and he blows this chance I will tell the whole fucking world and their dog what he’s done. I said that today on the way to the hospital and he looked so shocked.

I want to scream, how are you shocked! You have no right!

But today was good, hospital went well and just got to wait for results.

Your daughter is bang on the money! It’s not alright, it’s not normal and it shouldn’t be accepted.

I’ve seen on here people full knowing about the party side of their partners cocaine and then it’s got so bad. I just couldn’t do that. So I’ve forced him to be a liar from day one! Because he would have always known he couldn’t have told me.

Just being let down now is the next fear… because then I’m testing my own bullshit, will I stick to leaving him. Right now, today I 100% sure I won’t stand by him if he uses again.

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It won’t let me open that link

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I’ll let you know. I will get hands on tests tomorrow night. But nervous.

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Ash – you words are so comforting!

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Thanks Ash. In a way I hope it is positive at first, so then when I see a negative I am sure.

Is that even making sense! Thanks so much for the info

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I want to get my husband to test and prove he’s clean.

How long does it take to show a negative? I think he’s been clean 4 days

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Sending you my thoughts. I’m not in a similar situation, my husband is the user.

But I didn’t want to read and not comment. I think you must be such good hearted people to have done all you have. But you last line sounds like you are exhausted

Sending you hugs

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Friday was an unlucky day! I found out too.

I really know how you feel. It’s all the trust and worry that is doing my head in.

Will it get easier?

I really feel for you. I honestly do. No answers as I’m in same shit boat with you

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Thanks for your reply!

How many chances have you given him? This seems to be playing on my mind so much.

How long has he been in air bnb? Good for you being that strong to kick him out!!! Well done!!

Must be so nice to breath and have family around and enjoy yourself. Good for you.

Hats off to you!

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There has to be underlining issues. I have no clue what they are and I think it will take years for that to come out.

He’s a liar first and then truth, but only when squeezed/caught out! But this is a whole another level.

He started counselling in Jan £100 a week!!! But only because my mum made him. He ruined our Christmas so badly and she was so shocked. Think that was the first time she was really aware of what he’s like to me.

Of what I know this started 2013, social stuff. Before going out and just party type atmosphere. Then I’m 2016 he really started doing it regularly but no events. This time line co insides with baby 2 and 3. Had them 22 months apart. Was hell.

Then he said 2019 he just started doing it all the time. So he could get up and function. But Dec-March was terrible and by bank statements he was doing £500 – £600 a month. But In May he did £1200 – Dec – current he’s spent £4200 on drugs.

I had no clue. He lied and said he was earning less money, so that’s how he got around it. He has a very good job (although lost 3 in last 6 years) but always reemployed within a few weeks/two months. As he has studied hard in our younger child free years. We have been together 22 years in August.

I’m terms of taking it, he said he always did it in the bathroom, or outside on the patio. But since COVID he has done it in our snug. It’s a brick built room (garage size) enough space for two computer desks and a corner sofa. When I went down there – there was empty beers/bottles of wine. A bin full of bloody tissues and he forgot there was more coke – but when he confessed it was there, it was all gone. So I think he forgot he used it up – which is scary!

Sunday he got pissed out of his head and puked everywhere.

Today he said he needs to get a handle of the booze. That is def an issue.

He had been given antidepressants but obvs no use.

But GP given sleeping pills now and then we need to do all the bloods/ecg tomorrow and re see GP Friday.

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Ok thank you for the tip about 10-14 days!

I’ll def have a look at that timeline. I need things like that. I was so clueless I didn’t even notice these symptoms.

Yes I am a doer. I run my own business but that collapsed because of COVID so I am full time at home. Which has been hell on Earth with three small children. But now it’s all been put into perspective. COVID is a F@£&ing dream compare to the hell ive felt this last 3 day’s.

I will just keep doing what I can and pushing forward.

Must have been so hard for you when he was clean two years and then this started again. I can’t imagine the pain.

At least you knew before, I think then you could be a little more in the know. I was blind to that world. No one I know does it. None of his friends do it.

He does it alone to live/function. Now I know the ups and downs, I can watch a bit more.

Booze is a worry for me. I don’t drink and wouldn’t care if I ever had a cocktail again. But he loves a drink. He really likes it. This is a worry.

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Ash2013 – thanks your words are so kind.

We sound similar.

Did you know he did it as a ‘social’ thing?

I didn’t.

I have got stronger over the last three days. I will keep getting there.

I know this is a one time gig. So I’m giving everything I’ve got to help him. Then I will honestly know I never let him down. He would have let us down (if it goes bad again)

I’ve order drug tests online and I’ll ask him to do these regularly now.

Having the children is so hard. That is exactly why we fight for our husbands. Because of our best bits or the children we made and we owe them. I owe my sons.

Having found out Friday he has done the following-

Changed his payment account from work to our joint ac, so I have his whole salary and will give him money when he needs it.

GP has been called and has organised blood tests for 7am tomorrow, ECG for lunchtime.

Self referred to NHS drug counselling/help team – awaiting a call back.

Told his sister (who I wouldn’t mess with! She is very high and mighty and went bloody ape shit)

Agreed to meet with my cousins (like brothers to me) on Thursday evening and talk. One was his best man at our wedding.

Friday go back to GP face to face appointment and I can attend.

Take drug tests whenever I ask. I’ve ordered them.

I’ve emailed his counsellor and she has replied to me. Not telling me anything just confirming that she believes he will do all he can to get help and fix this.

I’m exhausted

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Being

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Dazzaot thank you for such a honest reply. I appreciate it.

I am staying firm that this is a one time chance for my husband. I have a small ‘army’ behind me who will make me stick to my own promise to myself and kids.

I would have stood in front of police/court/whoever and sworn that my husband was not a drug user. I found it because this year things have sprinkled out of control. He used £4000 since Dec on it. But April/May was the majority so he slipped up and I found out.

I think it will take a while to believe it’s true. In my gut. I’m in shock.

I am sorry you lost everything and especially your children, are they back in your life now?

Kel1 – I am so sorry your man no longer exists. That’s so sad and heart breaking for you. I can fully understand why you left and not worth wing with someone who isn’t them.

It won’t ever be the same, so you are better off rebuilding yourself.

I can’t even begin to think how that must have been and how you felt and still feel.

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Dazzaot – thank you for telling me. I am so sorry you have lost everything.

What did you do that made it all end?

We’re you given loads of chances?

I don’t know what I expected when I found this site, but I didn’t expect to speak to someone in my husbands position. Thank you replying to me.

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