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It is Christmas day and I am weeping as I type this. My husband is now estranged from most of his family. He is drinking morning, noon and night. There is no kindness or common sense left in him only his need for alcohol which supercedes his need for food or sustainance. He says he is too weak to stand and expects me to see to his toileting needs. I do the best I can and also give him a daily wash but I am ashamed to say inside my head I detest what he has become. I have endured these relapses for years and each gets worse than the last one. I try to spend my days out of the house or in another room but lately he has started shouting or should I say bellowing for me throughout the night when I’m trying to sleep usually because he’s panicking that he has or hasn’t got a drink. He knows if he doesn’t keep ‘topped’ up he will go into withdrawal. I am worn out but the services I’ve contacted are all about support groups for me… I know all about the so called boundaries and finding my safe place etc. I am torn about what to do. Should I ring 111 and explain this to them .. can they help? Should add that he is not capable of getting his own alcohol now and relies on me to supply him. I could cut off this knowing he will get more ill than he is now and I’ll more than likely have to call for medical assistance anyway. I know and accept this terrible disease is also mentally debilitating him and he is not wholly responsible but I am sick of living this way. Thank you all for reading and wishing you love peace and happiness
I’ve just read your post and have also emotionally detached myself. My husband also developed neuropathy which is one of the reasons he could hardly walk although recovered to an extent when he temporarily quit the booze. His brain and personality i fear did not and he is not the man I married I’m sad to say. I have accepted I will never have that man back and to be honest I think those bridges burned long ago. Our home is my security so I’m just trying to mentally build a wall of protection around myself. I do not enter into any arguments with him and when he’s awake I constantly have to listen to him berating everything. Luckily I have a couple of close friends who I meet regularly and support me when I feel particularly
***apologies pressed submit by mistake…. as I was saying
To cut the long story short he is drinking again, at the minute he’s keeping his stash in the car and finding excuses to go and down a few glugs straight from the bottle. At this point in time he is still well enough to go and buy his own but I know where this is heading….. I can’t believe he’s doing this to himself again. I have no fight left in me I’m done.
Just needed to sound off I guess
Thank you for listening
I hope you are well and coping with your situation.
Alcoholism is a horrible disease and worse for the partners/families who feel so helpless watching the demise of the person they love (or once loved). For more years than I care to remember i have endured the constant bouts of watching my husband sink to the lowest of lows due to alcohol, then stop drinking and promise he’d change his way only to go back to his ways 2 or 3 weeks later. This time he was consuming between 1 and 2 bottles of spirits a dayand and took to sleeping in his chair as he couldn’t climb the stairs. It got to the point where he was harassing neighbours and friends to bring him alcohol (I had refused to supply it). A combination of intoxication and physical weakness meant he could no longer go to the toilet without my help (let alone walk to the nearest store to buy it himself). He fell more than once and because he’s very overweight I found it almost impossible to get him back in his chair when this happened so many times he actually urinated where he was. It was a daily occurrence, me trying to clean him up and to my shame l admit I prayed he would fall asleep and never wake up. Anyway with his access to alcohol effectively cut off her began to have horrible withdrawals. I rang a crisis line who told me my husband needed professional help, he refused. Eventually, with the help from his uncle we watched him constantly until the worst had passed. Although only I his early 60s he looked like man 20 years older. He was mortally ashamed of what he’d become and blood tests indicated that he was risking liver and kidney failure if he continued drinking. For 3 months he never touched a drop, grew stronger and loved the way he felt. Life was better for him and easier for me so when he started thinking perhaps 1 or 2 drinks with a meal or whatever should be ok my heart sank. Anyway to cut a lo g story short
First of all can I offer my condolences for your loss and hope that your son and yourself continue to cope and support each other. I recently came across this forum whilst looking for answers/support as I too am struggling to help my alcoholic husband who’s is refusing medical interventions. I agree with you that alcoholics are much more than that person, my husband was/is a wonderful man who suffered the loss of his only daughter (my step daughter) in December last year and cannot cope with the pain of grief without his alcoholic crutch. I am watching him slowly deteriorate before my eyes and feel helpless as I can’t see a happy ending to all of this. I pray if the worst comes he also has a peaceful ending
I can so relate to posts on this forum. My husband is now in his 60s. He’s always been a heavy drinker and gone through withdrawals before but never managed to stay off booze for more than a month. Tragically he lost his only daughter (my step daughter) in December and has never recovered from the grief. Since then his drinking has steadily increased and drinks a bottle of gin and more a day, starting early morning, sometimes adding a bottle of wine or 2. He’s spiralled into a deeper depression, is hardly eating and is severely dehydrated as we speak. If he goes too long without a drink he suffers severe withdrawals, so much so that I have to go and buy his booze to relieve the symptoms (I know I shouldn’t but can’t bear to watch him go through this and he refuses to let me call for professional help). I have called immediate family for help but all they do is give him the talk and leave, telling me it’s his choice and they’ve done their bit! He doesn’t wash, brush his teeth or change his clothes, he’s very weak, cannot climb the stairs and needs help to go to the toilet (me), subsequently he sleeps on a chair in the living room. Currently he has no concept of time. My husband is a big man and I am finding it difficult to physically help him. I try to spend most days out of the house but becoming increasingly anxious as to what I might find when I come home. I range from being angry and resentful of him to sadness and despair over the man who used to be. He says I and everyone else would be better off he died, he doesn’t seem to care that he’s slowly killing himself. I really could do with some advice from others who are going through similar.