[leigh]

I absolutely agree the affect on the family is terrible, I keep a brave face for my children and make things up to cover up why he isn’t here when they wake up again. I don’t want to be negative because he is really trying at the moment but I don’t know how many more relapses I can take. Somethimes I want to play him at he’s own game show him how it feels to be left wondering where he is but it’s just not me. When he tells he’s “friend” and sisters that I’m stopping him doing these things and then tells me he doesn’t want to do it anymore I get so confused as to which is the truth. I have given him the option many of times to leave and live that life if that’s what he wants but it won’t be with me and he always comes back saying sorry promising things will be better and they are but only for a while. I know I have to eventually draw a line if it keeps happening but I have no idea how. I’m completely and utterly in love and adore the person he is when he’s straight but I loathe who he is when using. He’s had a lot of people give up on him or be bad influences and I don’t want to be another who gave up but at what personal expense xx

[leigh]

That seems like the same situation as us as well my partner just dabbles. I’m really holding out for something to change but I know I can’t go on for much longer the way it is. We’ve only been together for 6 years but it feels so much longer already 🙁 it’s so hard to understand it and sometimes impossible to walk away but how much more can you give to them without loosing yourself x

[leigh]

At the moment we seem to be doing ok, I attended one of my partners meetings with him to give myself a better understanding. Listening to people’s stories similar to ours and hearing that they have been clean for years has given me hope. He seems to have taken it upon himself to distance himself from he’s family and this has helped tremendously. He’s concentrating on meetings and is now in regular contact with he’s sponsor. I’m under no illusions that this will never happen to us again and I don’t even know how I’ll react if it does I’ve just got to have hope, we have two children and he never uses around them and he’s a amazing father but I can’t live on eggshells for the rest of my life not being able to say what I really feel in case it causes him to relapse again but I need to know I’ve tried absolutely everything I can. If you don’t mind me asking does your partner often attend meetings and get clean then relapse? It seemed impossible for him to separate from family but like I said it seems he is trying and I guess as long as they want it enough and take the right steps it can be done. I’ve spoken to people now that have been clean for years and had to leave people behind xx

[leigh]

Really should of said that he used to use he has recently relapsed with non other than he’s sister and her boyfriend but he is in meetings and on the path to recovery x

[leigh]

Hey slow hand
Firstly congratulations 13years is amazing, well done.
My partner uses cocaine and I am also at a loss of what to do not only does he’s family do it the encourage him too and supply it. Or will lend him money that he can’t afford to borrow.
I am now at my wits end and although it’s hard I understand the only option I can see is to cut them out.
Having influences that close to home is making it all that much harder. He’s been advised to change he’s number by he’s sponsor and I agree. What sort of family members would be so damaging to a loved ones recovery.
The thing is they all have drug/drink problems but don’t see or believe it and brush it off so they don’t understand why he is trying not to do it.
Really hope you don’t get pulled back in and would love to know what you have decided to do.
Don’t give up giving up you’re doing so well!. ????????????????

[leigh]

Daisy and shezzie

I am currently dealing with my own struggles of a similar nature. Me and my partner are 6 and a half years into or relationship and although he’s had clean periods eventually he’s demons take over again.
I get blamed a lot of the time when he want to use not directly but he causes problems so he can.
He is however attending NA meetings these are free confidential and open to anyone who wants to stop. You don’t have to be clean when you go all they ask is you’re willing to try,
When my partner attend he feels fantastic the support network is great and unlike me they will never roll their eyes when he says he wants to use there is no judgement whatsoever. He does still relapse and it feels incredibly hurtful and personal to me especially when he blames me for him doing it for example I’ve been moody and making him feel on edge. But every time he returns to he’s meetings he gets a little further along the path to get clean and I get a little prouder. I’ve had many of times I’ve seriously considered leaving but I’ve started doing more and more research and as much as I want to be involved and help I’ve come to understand it’s not my place only he can do this and only when he’s ready and that may take a while but he is really willing to give all he can.
I hope you all find the right help its so tough for families too x

[Author]

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