Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I’m ok, Dan!
Been really calm recently apart from this weekend when things wasn’t so pleasant. I’m learning not to react as much, not worth reacting when my friend is off his face as there’s no getting through to him.
Pretty much decided only to communicate with him via normal text messages as WhatsApp is what he likes using when he’s “on one”. Feels pretty nice talking to him under normalish circumstances.
He was doing so much better until a few weeks ago, his use has gone up but he has said himself he needs to up his therapy. I wish upping it meant he wanted to stop, but that’s something he needs to want. X
Hi Dan,
Reading your words always makes me feel there’s hope for hope other people.
You were a major comfort to me recently, I thank you for taking the time to chat.
Cocaine is a nasty manipulative drug, I do believe those who use it are not bad people, addiction is horrid. The remorse from someone on a comedown is so painful to hear, I wish that moment was enough to stop someone using ever again. One thing I’ve learnt recently is to take a step back and to set boundaries.
X
Hi Dan,
Reading your words always makes me feel there’s hope for hope other people.
You were a major comfort to me recently, I thank you for taking the time to chat.
Cocaine is a nasty manipulative drug, I do believe those who use it are not bad people, addiction is horrid. The remorse from someone on a comedown is so painful to hear, I wish that moment was enough to stop someone using ever again. One thing I’ve learnt recently is to take a step back and to set boundaries.
X
I’ve popped something over to you!
Thanks Danman83.
Hi Dan,
How you just explained it then is my mate down to a T!
I’m not sure how to exchange emails on here. It would be good to learn more about the similar things he does as for myself I’m not niave to it, but if I can understand then I have coping mechanisms not to react, how best to talk to him because it always feels like we talk about drugs and the behaviour which leads to a full out. I don’t want to be that mate who nags, I want him to know I’m open to listening and not here to judge him. I.I not enabling him, I will not talk in any flirtatious manner whilst he is using, one of the big steps in recovery for those in a non committed relationship is to abstain from sexual activity that would trigger a relapse. There’s a few women he talks to who are aware of his addiction but are clueless and think they’re helping him by engaging. There feeding into his issues.
Dan, please mate stay off it work the steps and know there’s always someone you can talk. You’ve done so well. Like I say to my mate, use me, talk to me tell me how you feel, if he gets an urge tell me what it feels like and perhaps a chat will stop him.
Hey Dan,
Basically, he gets on cocaine, sits in his own for upto 18 hours on one, talking to women off of POF taking them on to whatsapp and talking utter filth. He circulates images of women to other women, almost like look who else I’m talking to, trying to get a rise out of women. He’s obsessed with womens boobs and his fantasies are just ott, he will land himself in hotwater.
The only reason why I don’t take offence anymore is that I know it’s all part of his addiction, it goes hand in hand.
The only thing I struggle to get my head around, he says when he’s on one he has no filter, which is probably part of the buzz for him. Then the next day or so when he is not using he says it’s not him, the drugs turn him in to a monster, which is all well and good but why keep repeating the same cycle knowing the outcome of his behaviour.
Hey Dan,
My sister-in-law was found dead on her own in her flat. She probably just didn’t stop, took too much and unfortunately didn’t make it. The coroners report just said overdose – cocaine.
My mate is doing better in the sense he isn’t using as much, but then I think he’s in denial.
He started a new job not long ago, so he’s on his better behaviour. Seems to me when work becomes suspicious of his behaviour he doesn’t address the issue of his addiction, rather he thinks he has it under control. It’s the things he does that so concerning to me when he’s using. I really feel I want to talk to someone about the things he does on drugs as I’m scared he will get into so much trouble.
He says when he’s high most of the stuff he says is bull, and he usually can not remember the things he’s said an done.
Hey Dan,
My sister-in-law was found dead on her own in her flat. She probably just didn’t stop, took too much and unfortunately didn’t make it. The coroners report just said overdose – cocaine.
My mate is doing better in the sense he isn’t using as much, but then I think he’s in denial.
He started a new job not long ago, so he’s on his better behaviour. Seems to me when work becomes suspicious of his behaviour he doesn’t address the issue of his addiction, rather he thinks he has it under control. It’s the things he does that so concerning to me when he’s using. I really feel I want to talk to someone about the things he does on drugs as I’m scared he will get into so much trouble.
He says when he’s high most of the stuff he says is bull, and he usually can not remember the things he’s said an done.
Hi Dan,
Glad to hear you’re back working a programme and feeling less stressed.
Take comfort in knowing you’ve come a long way, you acknowledge your problems which is hard for most people.
Get to that meeting!
I’ve lost so many family at the hands of addiction, addiction is so cruel. My dad, grandad, 2 uncles and last year my sister-in-law, she overdosed on cocaine. I have another uncle who also has a drink problem. I don’t want to hear of another person who has lost their battle to drink and drugs!
My mate, he’s ok at the moment. He’s currently having therapy and I’ve notice significant improvements but he’s still using, on average now once a week/fortnightly. He was spiraling out of control, using a couple times of week. He’s still in denial and it’s as though he’s still waiting excuses to use just not much, he’s been using for over 5 years now.
It’s hard communicating with him, but recently I decided not to communicate no more with him via WhatsApp as I believe this to be one of his triggers along with other concerning matters.
It’s hard to understand what goes on in his head, he doesn’t fully open up and I think he’s scared too. There’s been times I’ve reacted negatively towards him out of frustration, however I’m learning now not to react. He shouldn’t be my concern but I’m one of these people I can’t just give up. Sounds silly, but if he knows I’m still around if he ever finds himself rock bottom or in need of genuine help I’ve not completely turned on him.
I can’t wait to hear the day when he’s been 6 weeks sober and still going strong. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.
Morning Danman83,
Please stay strong and keep fighting, addiction is so cruel and unkind, don’t be hard on yourself. 4 months clean is bloody amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. Please give it a go again. I wish I could hug you through a screen.
Your words on this forum over the last few months have given me hope and comfort for a very good friend of mine. I wish he could go 4 months clean, that’s 4 months of knowing he is doing well.
Cocaine is so cruel on the mind, not just for the user but friends and family too. It leaves me second questioning my friends intentions. I’m never going to give up on him, even if he tells me to block him and walk away like others have.
It might be best to live a alone for a while, the challenges on every day life can be hard on people’s sobriety, but don’t lose your suport network. Your family and friends love you deeply, as you do them.
Please stay positive and don’t let this beat you! X
Hi Louisa,
Sorry to read what you’re currently going through, it really is a evil drug, like most drugs the outcome are never good.
I have a friend, I’ve known them for several years, been on a more personal level for nearly 2 years.
At first I wanted a relationship with him, he’s a really nice guy when he’s not using, but I know now I don’t want that anymore. I do want to be his friend, my biggest wish is one day he will tell me he’s drug free. It’s the constant worry of what will happen when he uses.
Over the last year he’s use was spiraling out of control, he’s now using less and according to him he’s better. He’s not.
He uses for up to 18 hours at a time, he says and does some pretty nasty things when using, but I’ve learnt recently not to enable him. Basically he would message when using being perversed, at the start I would engage in flirtatious banter, but I know that’s feeding into his addiction. I borrowed him money on a couple of occasions, but told him I will not do that whilst he’s using as that’s directly/indirectly enabling him.
I know he feels embarrassed, shamed and guilty about the things he says and does, but I won’t tolerate it and will call him out on his behaviour, however that then feels like I’m pushing him away and I’m scared of not knowing what will happen to him.
It’s so easy for people to say ignore and block him, but what happens when he hits rock bottom, if he overdoses, atleast he knows I would be there if the worst was to happen.
It’s hard to let go, but something deep inside keeps telling me walk away.
I’ve learnt to not engage and make clear my disappointment in him and if he wants help to change his lifestyle then I want to be part of that.
Hi, I’m so sorry to read what you’ve been through and are going through. It’s totally heart breaking isn’t it.
Was it due to cocaine that impacted his mental health problems? A good friend of mine is currently receiving therapy for his cocaine addiction, but he’s no where near ready to stop, he basically looks for a reason when he can use again. At the moment he is on average using once a week/fortnightly. His behaviour on drugs is over the top, he blames it on the drugs and when he is not using he sounds so remorseful, but cold at the same time. My heart is heavy with the knowledge he is slowly killing himself. I know he is manipulative, as drug users usually are. I just want to help and support him, but my kindness is wearing thin. I read a while ago, when an addict is pleased with you, you’re doing what they want, when they’re annoyed at you, you’re not enabling them.
Hi Pepsi,
I was in a similar situation to you until recently.
Knew someone for several years and started getting to know one another more personally. Thing is, I respect this man, even after everything that’s happened, addiction is horrible.
He told he had past and was trying to recover from cocaine addiction, but a year and half down the line he still uses.
He promised so many times he would get clean and seek help but failed to do so. We saw each other a few times, nothing has happened between us other than talking but he told me he had commitment issues, wanted to start something, go slow and each time he went for drugs instead.
I don’t think for one minute he doesn’t care about me but he’s mind is consumed by drugs. He comes across as manipulative especially the days leading up to cocaine use, almost deliberately seeking an excuse to use.
When he knows he has let me down he’s apologetic and on the other hand he says so many things I don’t know what to believe anymore, he’s told me he pushes good things away, and as much as I do care about him, I need to protect my own mental health, it is soul destroying watching him spiral put of control.
Like yourself, this man works, uses work as an excuse to use and then days he’s just busy with work.
He is using atleast once a week, but I’ve decided to go no contact with him as the whole situation was bringing me down. I blocked him a few months ago, he then messaged me from another number when high on cocaine and we ended up back in the same predicament.
From now on, I am getting on with my life and I will keep messages and any form of contact to a minimum.
After reading both of your stories relating to cocaine and addiction I take comfort knowing I’m not going mad.
A mate of mine who I’ve known for 6 years, but on a more personal level for for about 18 months has a major cocaine addiction.
I’ve posted a discussion on this forum.
My mate has slowly been on a downward spiral since I’ve got to know him in the recent months.
What started as a once a month addiction has turned to 1/2 times a week.
He makes promises, and really sounds sincere in wanting to come off the stuff, but he always ends up using. He has been to meetings and heard other people’s stories and doesn’t consider himself that bad “yet”.
I’m confused, as I know he’s a decent person, we used to kind of work together, and when he left his job that’s when he contacted me.
I’ve had the comedown episodes, the remorse and guilt, see it first hand and I’ve said I’ll be there for him, but I will not be entertaining his world when he is on one. I’m trying so hard not to.
He sits on whatsapp all night when using, spilling his guts, talking to anyone who will listen, messages women and even to the point of sending me photos of women who he is supposedly seeing. Don’t get me wrong, he says when he’s sober that when he’s in that state he doesn’t respect himself and he’s right he never does anything like that when sober.
We spoke several weeks ago over the phone, he was in a right mess, called his boss high and said he can’t come to work, she knew he was on something and stopped him talking further.
I told him, surely this is a wake up call he needs, and he said he had been clean for 3 weeks (a time I refused to tolerate his behaviour and blocked one another)
He said he couldn’t believe he f’d up like that but he would take the help work offered and if he’s clean there will not be problems. He said he recorded himself whilst high, he said he sounds like a mess and he feels ashamed.
Well, less than a week and he was back at it again.
Worse thing for me, he lives away from family and friends and isolates himself away and gets on one for up to 18 hours at a time. My fear, no really knows what’s going on, or if they do they don’t know the severity of it and will he wake up after a session or worse a heart attack.
He is so sneaky with what he does, but yet it’s ok for me to know.
I’m going out of my mind, he is a friend, but the drugs alters his mind; one minute his fine the next his someone completely different.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to change for me, I want him to do it for himself. I’m not looking for a relationship with him, originally I was keen on that, but the worser he has got the more I worry about him, I wouldn’t allow that type of person in to my world so freely, but it doesn’t stop this constant ache.
I’m scared of the outcome, I’ve lost family and friends to substance misuse and I really am dreading finding out he has lost his battle.
How do I support him