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Bump, I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this nightmare. I wish I had all the answers but I wanted you to know that we all care about you here .
I’m like the other mums, I can’t believe what’s happening in your life and there’s little or no support for you.
Sending you hugs and prayers❤
Lx
Hi Jack, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice.
Congratulations on seeking help and being sober for 2 months! That’s great.
I’m the mother of a 29yr son who has alcohol and cocaine addictions. Through AA and CA support, he’s been clean for 6 + months. I know it’s been a really difficult journey for him, and every day is like a battle.
I realise that I’m in a different situation because I’m the mum affected not the wife, but it’s kind of similar.
It’s so much easier to be around him, he’s more thoughtful, apologetic if he gets angry, he physically looks better.
Perhaps if you’re wife sees these small changes, she will be more forgiving. If you’re doing the 12 steps, you have to seek forgiveness from people you hurt while drinking. It may take a bit time and patience, but there may still be a chance for you both.
Keep looking after yourself, spend time with your family, find a hobby you enjoy. Keep going to the meetings, some of these groups organise big events all up and down the country and overseas. Check them out, it’ll give you something to look forward to.
My son has made some good friends through the fellowship.
My son has anxiety and depression, but he has coping strategies now. Things will get better for you Jack, it will just take a bit time.
Keep posting here, let us know how you’re doing.
Stay strong ????
Lx
Hi Joanie,
Hope you’re doing okay. My son also has an addictive nature, whatever he does, it’s 100%.
I believe many people with addictions have mental health issues, ie ADHD, OCD .
Your son is like mine, a grown man, making there own choices, right or wrong. It’s very hard to stand back and watch them make mistakes and destroy their lives.
But as long as they know we love them, but can’t let the addiction take over. It’s easier to support them if they’re trying a bit.
Stay strong
Lx ❤
Hi Cess, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one who has addictions.
I’m so sorry to read your story, its all very familiar to me and other mums on this forum.
The Adfam homepage offer advice and support also Drugfam or the Icarus trust post here.
I wish I had all the answers, but I do know that it’s difficult to support them until they admit they have a problem and need help and support. Your son is so young, they think they are invincible at this age. My son was dabbling at 14 , but it escalated over the years.
We didn’t realise it at the time but he “partied ” hard. He progressed to cocaine in his late teens, the alcohol is a trigger for cocaine.
Two years ago, he was about to lose everything, came to us for help. He joined AA and CA groups, there have been relapses but this happens.
He is currently 6mth+ clean , every day is a battle for him, this festive period is a difficult time for people in recovery.
I joined the Theresa thread here, we are all mums with sons with addictions, everyone is so kind and supportive and you don’t feel so alone.
Joanie is right, please look after yourself and your well being .
Always here to chat or vent.
Lx
My son has been addicted to alcohol and cocaine for 10 + years. Only in the last 2 years has he admitted it was a problem and wanted help. He’s had a few relapses but currently over 6 months clean.
Seeing what it does to a family, it is not a life I would choose for anyone. You’re not being harsh, he needs to kick this evil drug into touch for you to have a healthy, happy relationship.
It’s only my opinion Zoe, but I’d think very carefully before he puts that ring on your finger.
Lx
Hi ZoeG, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one with an addiction in one way or another. There are also people in recovery offering support and advice.
I’m no expert although my son is currently in early recovery from alcohol and cocaine addictions.
He thinks he should just be able to give it up, but cocaine is a very addictive drug, it leaves you wanting more.
Read Danman83 posts, he too believed he could take or leave it, but every day is a battle for people in recovery.
I personally think he should quit before it gets out of hand as it can wreck a family’s/partner’s life.
It WILL become an issue for both of you. The CA fellowship groups are a great support, they are the only ones who have helped my son stop and stay clean.
The situation can change very quickly, he could run into debt, lose his job. Please try to get him to nip it in the bud before this happens.
Help and support is there if he’s will to accept he has a problem.
Good luck and keep in touch here.
Lx
Good Man ????
Keep on doin what you’re doin- stick to your strategies and you’ll be just fine.
Sending you positive vibes and hugs ????
Lx
Good Man ????
Keep on doin what you’re doin- stick to your strategies and you’ll be just fine.
Sending you positive vibes and hugs ????
Lx
Well done Dan! No one said it was gonna be easy!
Stay strong, have faith and hope in yourself- and please keep us updated regularly and let us know how you’re doing ????
As always, I’ll keep you in my prayers ????
Lx
Hi Kate
My thoughts were also with you and your family. I’m glad that your happy memories of your son overshadowed the more difficult ones. I’m sure your daughter and little grandchild will help you through into the New year.
Bump – So sorry to read that your son is restless again through addiction. But, I’m glad that Christmas was happier for you, I continue to pray to keep us and our families strong in the fight against addiction ❤
Take care of you Bump
Sending you all hugs
Lx
Hi Jem, Happy Christmas ????
That’s great news, best present you could have this Christmas.
Enjoy your time together, God bless you too!
Lx ❤
Hi Debc
Yes, so pleased to hear from Dan, I’m sure he’ll be fine especially with his new sponsor.
I’m hoping this festive period will be more relaxed and free from worry unlike previous years. He’s doing well and helping others, he hangs out with the fellowship guys. He can’t go about with his original friends- they just don’t get it! No girlfriend yet, he’s to love himself first .
I’ll continue praying for us and our families, Deb I sincerely hope your son will continue to improve.
Have a loving and peaceful Christmas with your family.
Lx ❤
Hi February Marie and all the wonderful strong, caring mums on this thread.
Wishing you all a loving and peaceful Christmas and I hope 2022 will be a good year for everyone.
God bless you all – sending love and hugs to you . ❤
Lx
So happy to have you back in Team Recovery Dan!
We’re always here for you!
Merry Christmas and all the very best for a happy, healthy New Year too. God bless.
Lx ????
Hi Dan, welcome back!
We’ve all been thinking of you and wondering where you were.
My son did the exact same before the summer- missing female company- a date, a few drinks for confidence…you know the rest!
I know it’s so hard for a person in recovery ????.
But Dan, my son is over 6 months clean, done the steps with his sponsor, attending regular meetings, met similar minded people in recovery, I’m so proud of him and he’s helping others too!
He’s looking well, appreciates things more, enjoying the extra cash he has now!
I never get complacent, he still gets jumpy and can fly off the handle quickly, but he knows the strategies to cope now.
I hope this will spur you on and encourage you to keep going with your sobriety.
You know we’re all here for you, you’ve been here for others too!
Stay strong, have faith and have a lovely peaceful happy Christmas.
Lx ❤