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Hi Cashhurt,
I am so sorry to read your story and sad to hear of the loss of your nephew. Another young person lost to this evil illness of addiction.
So many on this forum with stress and anxiety worrying about loved ones, this is our worst nightmare.
My son also has alcohol and cocaine addictions. He is 28yrs, he’s was clean for almost 6 months and relapsed a week ago.
I’ve said we won’t be paying any more drug debts, I buy food and cigs when he has no cash, until payday. I understand it’s an illness, its hard when you try to be firm.
Please don’t blame yourself, I also have a young daughter, she has been exposed to this dark underworld that we previously knew nothing about. Fortunately (or unfortunately) he lives alone.
I’ve told him he needs to be in contact every day with us. As I know after taking cocaine, people get “lost” or out of it for days.
This is what worries me, when he doesn’t get in touch, I fear the worst. The drugs make them selfish, they don’t realise the hurt they cause their families.
No one has the answers, we can only hope and pray that we can help and support as best we can, without our own (and others in our family ) health and well-being being affected.
It is ultimately down to the choices they themselves make, we can only be there to support them where we can and if we’re able.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lx
Thanks Bump, yes disappointing but no one is more annoyed than he is with himself.
I think he’s on track again, the fellowship guys have been in contact. I text him every morning and evening, and he phones me too. Only seen him briefly to give him some groceries and cigs, but I think he being honest with us. I’m hoping it was only a blip.
I’m so pleased that you’re son is getting support at last, less pressure for you too.
Glad you’re being treated for long covid, I’ve got inhalers now too. Feeling stronger but not walking like I used too.
Hoping we all have a lovely Easter break, and see some spring sunshine ????
Take care of yourself
Lx
Hi Nannyger,
It’s nice to hear from you. I often think and pray for us all here. Everyone is so supportive and kind to each other which I suppose can be a positive thing.
I also hope everyone is well under the circumstances of lockdown and worrying about our boys.
On that note, have to mention that my son gave into temptation last weekend after almost 6 months clean! Bit disappointed , tbh, but he’s my son, I know its been difficult for him. I’ve had to help him with food and cigs, (to keep him going til payday). I’ve said no more cash or paying off debts.
He was really angry with himself for doing it, I guess that’s a good sign. Also the AA fellowship guys have been in touch. He’s still managed to work which is good.
Yes, it’s a rollercoaster but could’ve been worse i guess.
I’m glad you saw that moment with your son, maybe he’ll realise what he’s missing. I do hope he turns a corner too.
Bump- . I hope you’re feeling better, I’m waiting on my lung scan results. Thinking about going back to work after Easter holidays
Gem, Jenny, Ivy, Theresa, Debc, I hope all well or as well as can be expected with you all.
Sending virtual hugs ❤
Lx
Hi D&T
So pleased to hear that you took a stand and that your partner is seeking support and on the road to recovery.
I wish you both well.
Take care and stay strong
Lx
Does he live with you or is he alone? Does he have a close friend or a partner who can check on him and keep you posted?
Are you able to speak to him daily- as I think they need daily contact to reassure them, and to let him know that you’re there if he needs your support.
I think you need to be taking care of yourself too, are you able to confide in someone close to you?
If not, perhaps try the Icarus trust group. Try not to think too far ahead, take each minute, hour , day at a time. Even a 5 minute meditation video on your phone, it clears the head a bit.
You may not be religious, but prayer has helped me through a lot of difficult days. Walking somewhere pretty helps me too.
Stay strong, positive thoughts and have hope
Lx
Hi Scaredmom, welcome to the forum, Everyone here has been affected by addictions.
Its such a worry when you find out that your loved one is addicted to alcohol or drugs, and you feel powerless to help them.
It’s only natural that we think the worst , please don’t blame yourself, as many of us do. The choice is totally theirs.
Unfortunately until they themselves decide to stop and realise that it’s taking over their lives there is little we as parents can do.
The forum homepage has help and support, as do the Icarus Trust who offer advice too.
If you click on ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread there are several of us mums with sons helping and support each other. No need to feel that you’re alone in this nightmare.
My son is 28yr and has alcohol and cocaine addictions for several years, so I know what you are going through.
When he is ready to accept support the AA fellowship have online meetings. They do a 12 step program and he could get a sponsor. The support they receive is brilliant.
Don’t give up hope, be strong, look after yourself and remind him that he’s still loved. The rest is down to him.
Always hear to chat,
Take care
Lx
* oops 12 step program , apologies Lx
Hi Leeg, welcome to the forum, everyone here is affected, or has a loved one affected by addictions . There are also people in recovery giving good advice and support. Read Danman83, he has been sharing his story with the forum.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions so I have some understanding of how this evil drug can take a hold of someone’s life and destroy everything in its path.
And don’t even get me started on the scumbag dealers who prey on vulnerable people who have mental health issues.
It sounds like you’re ready to fight this battle as you realise you have a problem and are seeking help.
AA and CA online meetings are a good place to start. You’ll meet many people from all walks of life but who all have the same end goal. They’ll start you on the 22step program, get you a sponsor, and a great support network. As Danman83 has said, you need to delete dealers numbers, stay off social media, stay away from other users and avoid triggers.
It’s interesting you mention ADHD. I did a course online ‘understanding ADHD ‘ there is such a strong link between it and OCD and substance abuse.
So sad to think so many people, unsettled, possibly in jail, knowing something is wrong, but not sure what? Undiagnosed adhd, you can get medication for it, strategies to help you to cope. I’m sure when you get your treatment, everything will fall into place and you’ll realise you don’t need drugs or alcohol to ‘make you feel confident or whatever ‘ . I’ve a suspicion my son has Adhd, or ocd as he doesn’t seem to have an off switch.
Read the other stories especially Danman ‘s.
I hope some of this helps you to seek the help and support you need to stop and turn your life around.
Stay strong
Lx
You’re welcome, also as a mum of a person with addictions, go to ‘share your stories ‘ and click onto Theresa thread. There are several of us mums all with sons (mostly sons) who have addictions. When you read the threads you will realise you are not alone and the ladies are all very helpful and supportive.
Thank you for your wishes, praying for us all here.
Lx
Hi Desperateme, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice.
I’m so sad to read your story , you and your family have been through such a lot. I just wanted you to know that people care and there is support for you.
My 28yr old son has alcohol and cocaine addictions so I do have an understanding of how it can affect a family.
Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers, but perhaps the Icarus trust could help, or the adfam homepage. I’m sure you would benefit from speaking to one of the counsellors.
Please take care of yourself first and foremost. You will need to stay strong if you’re going to support her.
Thinking and praying for us all here.
Lx
Hi Danman83, you must be so proud of yourself and what you have achieved so far..
Of course you will have difficult spells, but at least as you say, you have the strategies in place.
My son is also still doing well. Almost 6 months clean, I’m so pleased for him and also proud as I know he’s had difficult times.
His support from his sponsor and fellowship have been brilliant, I wish I could thank them. He’s got to the stage where he is now helping others too.
Stay strong Dan, you are doing brilliant, and helping and supporting others here too!
Keep on doing what you’re doing, the summer will be memorable for you, spending time with your family, my son has told me the fellowship is all over the world. He says hed like to travel once we’re all able to. He got a bike too, and enjoys golf now, so hopefully the summer months will keep him busy.
Take care , stay strong
Lx
Hi Jetster 9
I’ve been reading your story and wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and your son.
I usually post on the Theresa thread (click on to share your story) there are several of us mums all with sons who have addictions. The mums are all so supportive and helpful with their advice. You also realise that you don’t feel alone with your worries and stress, and all that goes with addiction.
I’m thankful that my son reached out for help , sought support from CA and AA groups, got a sponsor, lots of support from the fellowship and is currently almost 6 months clean. It’s been really hard for him, especially in the earlier weeks, but I’m so proud of what he’s achieved so far.
I wanted you to know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, but it all needs to start with your son’s desire to stop.
Please take time to look after your own health, as these addictions can consume everyone.
Always here to chat, read the Theresa thread and feel free to share your story there too.
Thinking of you
Lx
Hi Nanny ger
Thank you for your thoughtful post. Im glad you received a card from your son, that’s a glimmer of hope there. He still loves you. They all do, it’s just that, when they have addiction they love that more.
Please don’t give up that hope , seek help and support for yourself. The Icarus trust offers advice and support here too.
Thinking and praying for you and your son.
Lx
I’m a bit apprehensive about getting it too tbh. But I’d hate to think I may catch it again.
I’m trying to build up my stamina , walking flat surfaces no more than 30 mins. I hate the cold , makes my breathing worse. I’m getting a lung ct scan next. They’re hoping there’s no scarring.
At least we’re still here to tell the tale I guess!
Take care of yourself
Lx night night
Hi Bump, sorry to hear about your son’s situation, what a worrying time for you. Hopefully now, he will get all the help and support he desperately needs. I’m glad you’re receiving support too.
Let’s hope this will be a better year for you.
Is your long covid any better? I’m slightly better, still not 100%, getting my vaccine on Tuesday thankfully.
Sending hugs
Lx