Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi Bump and Ivy
I just wanted you both to know that I’m thinking of you, I hope and pray that your sons lives will turn around for the best.
I have nothing but respect for you both, you are so strong to deal with this nightmare you are going through. I don’t get too complacent these days I know how quickly an addict in recovery can change. But I’m grateful for these last few weeks and hope that my son can remain strong , especially in these trying times.
Sending you hugs and strength to get through this and hoping you both have a peaceful Christmas.
Take care
Lxx
Hi Bump and Ivy
I just wanted you both to know that I’m thinking of you, I hope and pray that your sons lives will turn around for the best.
I have nothing but respect for you both, you are so strong to deal with this nightmare you are going through. I don’t get too complacent these days I know how quickly an addict in recovery can change. But I’m grateful for these last few weeks and hope that my son can remain strong , especially in these trying times.
Sending you hugs and strength to get through this and hoping you both have a peaceful Christmas.
Take care
Lxx
Hi guys
Hope you don’t mind me reading your thread.
Ty85: I really sympathise with you as my 28yr old son has had alcohol and cocaine addictions for 10years. The last 5 have been most difficult.
Hes managed to hold down his job and has a flat last 3 years. It hasn’t been easy, blamed everything and everyone else for his debts, his moods . Hooked up with a gf who was totally wrong for him, it was a living nightmare for all.
I wanted to say that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. My son reached out for support last year. Started AA, CA and NA meetings, met others, got a sponsor currently working through the 12 steps program. Hes relapsed a few times, but this is not unusual.
He’s currently 60 odd days clean, more like himself , more loving, thoughtful, starting to feel ‘normal
Try not to beat yourself up, mine had a good upbringing too, he’s just got that addictive nature unfortunately.
As he says, love the addict but hate the behaviour. I try to remember that when he relapses and is tormented by everything that evil drug causes.
Remember you’re not alone focus on yourself and your family.
Always here to chat.
Lx
Hi all
Still thinking and praying for us all here. I think of you all often.
Hopefully we’ll all have a safe and peaceful Christmas and New Year.
Take care ❤
Lx
Jaynhissay, great to hear from you! I’m sure a lot of people here will benefit from your advice and support.
The mums on the Theresa thread will be thinking of you too, as am I.
Hope all is well with you.
Lx
Hi JJanon and welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one with some form of addiction.
It’s good to share your concern of worries with others in similar situations.
I’ve been on threads before talking about my 28 yr old son who has alcohol and cocaine addictions. I thank God that he is currently 60odd days clean atm.
However I wanted to mention that I had an elderly relative, also a widow who had a dependency on drink. She took it in the evening to help her sleep. However i noticed over a period of time that she was sleeping late into morning, not getting dressed, not motivated etc.her memory was also poor.
She was in her late 70s by then, I noticed she was buying about 3litres of gin a week! I asked her about it and she said to help her sleep. I realised that she was drinking it neat with only dilute juice to flavour it! She didn’t seem to think it was an issue, but it was messing with her health. I got her to doctor who had a word. Explained the danger of drinking to excess especially at her age.
After several months, it became a real problem, doctor said she would need hospital to help her ‘detox ‘ . She refused but agreed to do it from home under our supervision for about 3 weeks.
She never took another drink after that, but unfortunately her mobility made her housebound and couldn’t venture out anyway.
I don’t know if that helps you any, I think its become a bad habit that’s turned into an addiction. She probably doesn’t think it’s an issue.
When it affects her daily way of life and health maybe she will seek help. Until then it’s hard to get them to stop. Like other addictions here, the user has to realise themselves that there is a problem.
I understand how frustrating it can be for you all. I hope you find a solution. Adfam has support, and reading the other threads are informative too.
Take care
Lx
*mistake…I thought HE was going to relapse …
Hi Bump and Debc
Oh Bump, so sorry to hear that, you’ve had such a time of it, I’ve got nothing but admiration for you. Trying to hold it together for your young son and dealing with this evil addiction your son is fighting.
I think of you and your families often and pray for us all.
My son sent me a little quote thing, and a line said, love the addict but hate the addiction.
I keep reminding myself of that.
My son is 60days clean, he had a bad week last week and I thought I was going to relapse, but thankfully with his fellowship guys support, he was strong enough to get through it.
I was really upset too, sobbing etc, here we go again, fortunately my young daughter got me through it.
Debc- don’t give up hope either, it’s down to him now, he knows the strategies to cope. Please look after yourself you’re doing the best you can too.
Take care of yourselves ladies, you are my strength too, keep positive. I know its hard, but stay strong.
Sending you both big hugs
Lxx
Hi Simylou,
He’s been clean just over 60days, he managed 3 months last year, but a broken relationship triggered a relapse.
I understand the generation today drink more and many take drugs, unfortunately my son has an addictive personality. Whatever he does, he does it 100%. Alcohol, drugs, sex , he used to gamble too about 10yrs ago. I think it’s a mental health issue, like OCD .
He can’t get any assessment at doctor until he’s 6 months clean.
My son gets aggressive too, I think years of dabbling in drugs and alcohol cause this and anxiety and paranoia.
I’m hoping this will improve the longer he stays clean.
Your boyfriend is very lucky to have a caring and supportive gf like you, many would not have put up with what you’ve dealt with.
Love the person, hate the addiction is the motto I guess!
When he’s in a good frame of mind, you should let him know that he hurts you sometimes. They often don’t realise as cocaine desensitises them. My son learned that from the Meetings .
Find time for yourself, do 5 minutes meditation from mobile phone it helps the anxiety. Do things that make you happy.
Stay strong, sending
hugs
Lx
I feel for you youngsters. My son is only 28 and he feels he can no longer go back to his old life. Out with his mates, meeting new potential girlfriends, and no alcohol any more.
I think you would be forgiven for reining him in now and again. So long as he realises it’s because you care about him and his wellbeing.
Great that he’s be clean for so long though, but in my opinion, he needs to keep the meetings going. He can’t get lured into a false sense of security and take his eye of the ball.
Take care try not to worry too much.
Lx
Hi Simylou
I totally understand what you mean.
My son is in recovery atm 60days so far. He’s attending daily online meetings, contacting sponsor and other members of the AA fellowship regularly.
Thank goodness for pubs closing here at 6pm. Its less of a temptation. My son says that the alcohol is a trigger for cocaine so he has to abstain from it completely. He can’t mix with his old friends, as he doesn’t have an off switch.
I think it’s all down to trust and faith and for them to be very strong, strong enough to not give in to temptation.
We have to have the trust in them too, it’s difficult I know. My son had a difficult week, I thought he was going to relapse again. I felt sick, git upset, cried , felt all anxious.
Its a horrible feeling.
Read some of the other threads, there will maybe be more advice for you.
I think when you’re around a person in recovery you’ll always be walking on eggshells as we’ve come to expect it.
We’ll just have to trust that they’ll make the right choices.
Take care
Always here to chat
Lx
My son started around that age too.
Don’t worry you’re not alone.
Lx
Hi fm
Welcome to the forum, please don’t feel alone or guilty.
I’m sorry that you’re going through a tough time with your son.
I’ve just replied to TY 85 in a situation.
Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions. Everyone is also very supportive of others.
Please read the threads and you will see that you’re not alone.
Take care, I hope you get the support you seek.
Lx
Hi Ty85,
Welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has an addiction too. There’s lots of advice and support on the forum homepage and also the Icarus trust posts here.
There is also good advice from people in recovery . Read the other threads too, click onto ‘share your story ‘ so many of us worrying about sons (mostly sons) and daughters and parents too.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions and has been dabbling for 10years. We kind of guessed, all the signs were there, looking like s**t, in debt, missing work, looking unkempt and losing interest in everything, aggressive, lying, blaming us for everything…you name it.
He reached out when he was really struggling, spoke to doctors joined AA Ca and NA meetings, now online daily, met with others all trying to stop, hot a sponsor and works through the 12 step program. There are still ups and downs but you have to try and detach yourself sometime from it, or it will consume you like it consumes them.
Try meditation, long walks , or a drive, a nice coffee somewhere..confide in someone close…you need to. People hear are a great comfort too. No need to feel alone in this.
Ultimately it begins and ends with them , until they decide they want to stop and reach desperate situations. They still need your love and support , food maybe, but no more cash to support their addiction.
Always here to chat, take care of yourself and your other child first and foremost.
Lx
Hi whattodo, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one with an addiction and also there are people in recovery offering advice and support.
The forum has a homepage with support as does the Icarus trust.
I know what you’re going through, it’s your child and you feel helpless.
My 28yr son has dabbled with alcohol and cocaine around 10yrs. The tell tale signs were all there, no cash, borrowing, missing work, looking unkempt, room like a tip, uncaring, argumentative..etc.
He confronted him 18mths ago, he reached out for help. He attended AA, CA and NA meetings daily, met others, got support, started a 12 step program, got a sponsor. He managed 3 months clean. Unfortunately he’s had a few relapses, but I believe this is normal. He got medication for anxiety from doctor.
I would read the other threads, click onto ‘share your story ‘ and read Theresa thread, we are all mums with sons who have addictions, and we all support each other and offer advice.
Please don’t feel alone in this nightmare.
Unfortunately, it begins and ends with the addict. They have to admit that they need help, usually when they hit rock bottom.
Don’t blame yourself either, find things to help you cope, a walk, meditation, vent here. Someone will always reply, i know people have been kind and supportive to me.
Take care,
Lx