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Hi LGMC
Welcome to the forum, so many people here with loved ones with addictions and also some good advice from people in recovery.
We all have our low times when you are around people with addictions. I just wanted you to know that people care , and life isn’t always as straightforward as we would hope.
I’m sure you have been a good friend over the years. You can only support them so much when they have an addiction. Please don’t blame yourself for anything.
The choices are all theirs , some people dabble with drugs and can control it, others with addictive personality or possibly mental health issues will be unable to stop once they are triggered. i.e.
Broken relationship, a death etc.
Unfortunately it is out of our hands as they decide to go down this road of self destruction.
My son has alcohol and cocaine issues, weve had some tough times over the years. He’s currently 7weeks clean which is fantastic.
He told me that he always needs to know that he’s loved and support him as best we can. Give food but not cash.
She could still turn her life around but she needs to make that choice and reach out for help.
Its sad and ironic that exbf changed his views, but that’s life I guess. He’ll not be as upset as you, you are a sensitive caring person.
Be there if and where you can, pray for her to find strength to get through this.
Try not to beat yourself up about this, you’re not the one to blame, it’s all down to choices.
Take care, I’ll be thinking and praying for your friend. I hope she will turn her life around.
Always hear to chat
Lx
Great news Libertine! You should be very proud of yourself, and now you’re reaping the rewards with treats to yourself. Even you’ll feel better as you look better.
Keep on doing what you’re doing ????.
Sending hugs Lxx
What a fantastic plan, I wish to God someone would set up something like that up and down the country.
I remember Ivy’s post, she was so frustrated at the lack of support for people with mental health and substance abuse addictions.
No help from the Government and even less now since Covid.
There is so much support for other vulnerable groups but the addiction one seems to be the big elephant in the room no one wants to talk about.
Maybe one day that dream will be a reality, we could all meet up and do a demonstration or something!!
For the moment I’m happy to deal with each step at a time, celebrate small successes.
I feel more empathy for homeless people, you can see how quickly things can change. It IS an illness of the brain, I wish I could do more than pray for them.
That’s me off my soapbox now, let’s all hopefully have a nice, peaceful weekend.
Take care all
Lxx
Hi Bump and Jenny
Its lovely to hear from you both but sad to read about the boys.
So difficult for you , we love them as our sons but hate the addictions and the damage it causes. There are some sick people on this planet…imagine mugging someone who’s vulnerable like that, despicable!
I do hope and pray that they see the light soon, there are also some good people out there too, like recovering addicts who support others. I know many of them in the AA fellowship are helping my son through this tormented time for him.
I wish you all well, keep in touch , baby steps, they’ll all get there in the end. Have faith, hope strength and trust and whatever else might help you through the days 😉
God bless, sending hugs
Lxx
Hi ladies, good to hear from you.
I feel I already know you, albeit through our sons situation.
Debc, it sounds that at least , he’s still trying, and things are better than they used to be, but I guess it’s all down to faith, hope and trust. Less pressure on you too.
My son says his daily meetings are now part of his life to get through this. I know he’s supporting others in the fellowship and this also helps him. He can’t have any amount of alcohol as this triggers the need for cocaine for him.
They also just need to know that they’re still loved.
Jem, great news and such a relief for you too. Lets keep everything crossed and pray that he is strong enough to keep it going.
I hope you are all looking after yourselves as you deserve it for being such supportive mums.
Sending hugs
Lx
Hi All
I just wanted to post to say that I think of you all often and hope and pray that all is well with you and your sons.
My son is still doing okay so far, 6 weeks clean. I know its been hard for him, but as long as he’s making the effort, I will support him wherever I can.
Let’s hope this new year 2021 will be a good year for us, and a turning point for those who are still struggling with their addictions .
Sending hugs to all
Lx
Hi Libertine and Lauren
Just been reading your thread, i hope you don’t mind. You should both be so proud of yourselves. Keep on doing what you’re doing, it will all be worth it in the end.
I understand it is so hard for you, my son is 28 and has alcohol and cocaine addictions. The alcohol is a major trigger so abstinence is the only way for him.
He’s currently 6weeks clean, he’s doing daily online AA,CA, NA meetings, lots of support from the “fellowship ” good sponsor.
His sleep pattern is better, the weekends are always difficult, he can’t be around his lifelong pals as they drink- but know when to stop!
He tries to keep himself busy with diy, visiting us, meetings, meditation.
Shame about lockdown as he hot a lot out of the face to face meetings. But I’m proud of him for getting this far.
I’m sure anyone who knows you well enough will be too.
Stay strong, chatting to others here really helps. I know the other mums were supportive when I was needing to vent.
Take care
Lx
Hi Help2020
Welcome to the forum, most people here are fighting addiction or have a loved one who has addictions.
You’ve taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem and want to stop. Be proud of yourself for that. Yes it’s a vicious cycle and you are the one who can stop it
If you read the other threads, click onto ‘share your story ‘ there are many in your position and family members trying to cope.
There is support on the Homepage, as do the Icarus trust who post regularly.
My son is 28 and after 10yrs of alcohol and cocaine use, reached out to us for help. His first call was the doctor, then he joined AA and CA, NA meetings, Currently online. They do a 12 step program, you’ll meet others in similar situations, you all support each other, you’ll get a sponsor.
It’s tough, but with strength and faith and hope you’ll get there.
You should try and confide in a close friend or family member.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed, its an illness, no one should judge you.
You did it for 9 months before, you can try again, people do relapse.
Don’t give up hope, you can turn this around for the best.
What’s the alternative….a miserable life on your own with health issues, lies, debt problems, relationship problems, heartbreak for all involved, including you.
Take care, stay strong
Lx
Yes, it’s not been easy, we knew he probably drank too much, didn’t realise he would do cocaine too. But all the tell tale sign were there, never any cash, loans due to everyone, room like a tip, unkempt looking, gambling. Sleeping a lot, missing work etc.
He got a lump sum 3 years ago and we suggested he used it as deposit to buy a flat.
He knew he had to pay bills or he’d lose it. He’s had some rough times, but he muddled through it, then it came to a head, big drug debts, he was desperate. So hard to see them like that. We told him this was the very last time, no more. He was finally being honest with us, reached out.
He still struggling, but staying strong, the AA fellowship are great, he’s working through the 12 step program (again) got good support from the guys.
We see him daily, I told him I need this, I need to know he’s okay and coping. So, so hard for them, your son is younger, maybe time to nip it in the bud. I really hope so for all your sake.
Lx
Hi Sarah
Welcome to the forum. There are so many of us mums with sons (mostly sons) and family with addictions. When you read the threads, you won’t feel alone.
Click onto ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread , there are about 6 or 7 of us mums with sons going through the same as you.
I totally sympathise with you and your family, we’ve been there too.
My son is almost 28 with alcohol and cocaine addictions (dabbling with drugs for around 10yrs)
Been through the lies, manipulating, debt, sick days at work, aggression etc. All our fault of course!
My son reached out last year, went to doc, started daily AA and CA meetings (online now), git a sponsor, met others he could relate to, recovering addicts…so much support.
Hes currently 6 weeks clean, it’s so hard for them, but easier to support them when they trying to stop. Don’t get me wrong, he’s had some relapses over the year, but they have to be strong. Give up their drinking and drug buddies, delete the scumbag dealers numbers. My son said that alcohol triggers the need for cocaine, so abstinence is the only answer.
It really does begin and end with them, they have to make the choice to get clean, otherwise you’re wasting your time.
It’s hard to put them out of house, but needs must sometime, for your own sanity. Take time fir yourselves, these are his choices not yours, no more cash,.
I just bought groceries and cigs when necessary. You could go on forever paying their debts otherwise.
Try not to worry, things can change for the better, but your son has to make that choice.
Sending you virtual hugs
Always here to chat
Lx
Hi Deborah,
I’ve been reading your thread. Kellie and Debc have given you great advice. Yes, so many of us here trying to cope with loved ones addictions.
My son is almost 28 has alcohol and cocaine addictions. Reached out over a year ago for help.
Did AA, CA and NA meetings daily, got a sponsor, did the 12 steps program, got a sponsor and met lots of people facing the same issues for support.
Currently he’s 5 weeks clean, unfortunately he relapsed a few times over the year but I believe this happens.
I wanted you to know, I’ve been there too. The debt, paying off dealers, the lies, agressiveness,
, health suffering , warnings at work, etc.
All of the earlier support is back in place, he knows its now or never to get his life back on track.
It’s real hard for them but its easier to support them when you see them trying hard to stop.
Please stay positive and be strong, but no more cash, your lovely lad is still in that troubled boy fighting addiction.
Take care
Lx
Hi Dawnie
It’s good thats she’s reached out to these groups. Hopefully they provide the support and advice that we as parents can’t.
It’s difficult when you don’t hear from them as you worry about them. My son did that too.
I’m not sure about nhs funded rehabs….I know here in Scotland they are stretched to the max and there’s a long waiting list even to see a psych through the GP practice.
You could go online and check it out, or maybe the Icarus trust could advise you too.
Try not to worry, look after yourself first and foremost.
Take care
Lx
Hi Debc
I’m glad to hear that things have improved with your son’s situation.
I understand what you mean.
You, like me and us mums, have been there so many times before, you feel like you’re always looking over your shoulder and can’t properly relax.
I’m the same, I jump to conclusions before I know the real facts. We’ve just got to remain positive and hope that they are being honest with themselves and us about their lifestyle.
We don’t drink around my son or have any in sight just in case it triggers him. I even change channels on TV if it shows drink related stuff!
I would be nervous too, it’s because we’re git used to always expecting the worst.
Either he has to be brutally honest with you, or you have to trust his word in my opinion. As long as he still does daily online meetings to keep him on the right track.
Try not to worry Debs,
Always here to chat ,
Lx
Hi Dawnie, welcome to the forum.
Everyone on this forum has a loved one with addiction.
I really sympathise with you, when someone in the family has an addiction, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions daily for all concerned.
Read the other threads, particularly the Theresa thread, we are all mums dealing with our sons ‘ (mostly sons) addiction.
You won’t feel that you’re the only one in this situation.
The forum has support also the Icarus trust, and there’s people in recovery offering support too.
You don’t have to feel alone in this.
My son is 27 and has alcohol and cocaine addictions. It’s a very stressful situation, mood swings, aggressiveness, large debt, lies, manipulating etc.
He reached out to us over a year ago, he contacted AA, CA, NA went to online meetings and got a sponsor and met others in the same situation. He’s had relapses, but is currently over 30 days clean.
Your daughter has to be the one to admit she has a problem and needs help. Until then, you just have to be there to support her. Don’t give her cash.
Look after yourself and try not to worry, things can change very quickly. Be positive and stay strong.
Always hear to chat
Lx
Hi Jem, brilliant news, I’m so pleased for you and your son.
At least you feel that you have breathing space and start feeling normal again.
Its great to hear such positive news and as Bump says, inspiring.
It gives others on the forum hope that things can change for the best.
My son is staying strong so far too. Over 30 days now, thank God and St Jude, and my son’s determination to fight this addiction .
Hope you all have a peaceful weekend.
Keep in touch
Sending hugs
Lx