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Hi Bex, welcome to the forum.
Everyone on this forum has a loved one who has an addiction.
So many lovely people offering advice and support.
I’m told it’s the norm for some people to have some recreational drugs at the weekend these days.
I’m from a different generation, it wasn’t something I was interested in.
The only problem is an individual sometimes doesn’t have an off switch…then they can’t stop, cocaine leaves them wanting more. It’s an evil drug once it’s got a hook on you.
My son has some form of ocd, or adhd as whatever he does, drink drugs, gambling..it’s 100%.
Everyone is different though
Lx
Sabin, I really feel for you and your husband’s situation.
Every support line will tell you to stop paying out cash for him. He’s never had to deal with the consequences as you have always got his back. We’re the same, so much money, thousands paid out to scumbag dealers. Scared that something might happen to him.
We’ve told our son, no more cash, not ever. He’s holding down a good job thankfully, so much money wasted, through drugs in the past.
Such a waste.
Fortunately my son is in his own flat, so when he was using, we weren’t really affected until he was needing cash. Last few times I only bought him groceries and cigs. No cash at all.
I think the comedown from cocaine, makes them depressed and low, and argumentative.
Talk to him when he’s in a better frame of mind. Suggest joining some CA meetings, he’ll meet others going through the same. We don’t understand the process or the hold it has on them, but another person with addiction will.
They all support each other, just like we do here.
Don’t give up hope, things can change for you all for the best.
Unfortunately, covid is compounding matters.
Take care of yourself first and foremost, take pleasure in the little things.
Stay strong
Lx
3 months clean before, that’s good news, at least you all know he can do it.
My son did the same last year, 3 months, doing well, looking great, and a broken relationship (it was never gonna work) set him off.
They have to be so strong while they’re doing this, that’s why the meetings and the support they get is so good.
If the tests put your mind at ease, go for it. At least you’ll know.
Cocaine is such an evil drug, changes a person completely. Turns them into selfish, lying desperate individual who would sell their granny for cash to buy it!
Read the other threads , there was a recovery addict wrote about what to expect as they come off it.
Stay strong
Lx
Hi Sabin and welcome to the forum. Everyone here has been affected by a loved ones addictions. We also have people in recovery offering great advice and support.
Firstly don’t feel guilty it’s not your fault. He is a grown man who is making these choices. Nothing you can say or do at this stage will make a great deal of difference. He himself has to make the decision to change. It will be a difficult and emotional journey for all , but worth it.
The forum homepage and the Icarus trust offers advice and support. Also, if you click onto ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread, there are about 6 or 7 of us mums, all with sons with addictions. When you read it , you will no longer feel alone or upset.
My son is 27 and has alcohol and Cocaine addictions. The Cocaine is triggered by drinking any amount of alcohol. He has to completely abstain to succeed.
He has daily AA and CA meetings, mostly online and is on the 12 steps program. He meets others and a sponsor all who are a great support to him. He 30 days clean so far. There’s been relapses over the year, but I believe this is common .
Be strong, have faith and make time for yourself and others in the family. I hope this helps, there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Always here to chat
Lx
You’re welcome Halo, night and God bless, hope you all get a good night’s sleep.
Lx
Hi Halo20,
I’m so sorry to read your recent story here. I can’t imagine how hard and difficult this has been for you. You’ve been very strong to make that decision, but you had no alternative. The drugs are taking over all your lives.
It’s a very stressful and anxious situation for you all. Are you getting any advice or support from the forum homepage or the Icarus trust?
If you click on ‘share your story ‘ then read the Theresa thread, there are about 6 of us mums sharing stories about our sons with addictions. A few of them have had to put their sons out of the house because of their behaviour due to addictions.
You need not be alone in your struggles. Stay strong and try not to give up hope, things can turn around for a person with addictions. They need to make the decision themselves that they need help first.
Always here , keep in touch
Lx
Hi Jenny, good to hear from you too!
I’m glad that your son is being in contact with you. Better than than no contact at all, you can see how he is then .
My son also has been in daily contact as he gets lonely too. He’s working from home atm, so doesn’t see anyone.
I agree lockdown is a good thing for people with addictions. My son had to cut himself off from seeing a lot of his longstanding friends as he doesn’t have an off switch when he drinks. Then that triggers the cocaine use. Total abstinence is the only thing that works for him. Its a shame really, they’re young men and going out for a drink is the norm for most young men. I’ve told him I’m proud of him and what he’s accomplished so far, and to be strong.
The drug tests sound like a good idea, I hope this situation works well for you and your family.
Thinking of you all
Lxx
Hi Ivy its good to hear from you.
I’ve been thinking about you and your son. I’m glad that he contacted you. You’re doing your best under difficult circumstances, it’s hard to know what to do or say sometimes.
I hope things improve soon for you both, circumstances can change so quickly when there’s addiction in the family. Either for the good or the bad.
Yes, son is coping OK for the moment, everyday is a battle for them. I just take each day as it comes.
Stay strong keep chatting here.
We all need each other.
Lx
Hi Bump, good to hear from you. I gathered by the silence that most of our lads are doing as well as can be expected.
Bump I’m glad that things are better for your son. It sounds like the situation is better than it has been in the past.
The anger and aggressive behaviour comes with the territory I guess. It always happened to me too when I didn’t give into my son’s constant needs and wants.
Don’t even think for a minute that you’ve been a bad mum! You’re doing the best you can and the rest is down to him. I used to think ‘where did I go wrong ?’ ..but its always been down to them and the choices they themselves make.
My son has been clean almost a month now…he got paid, we have his bank card. He’s attending daily meetings, going through the ‘ book’ with his fellowship and using meditation for his anxiety.
Thank you God and St Jude, I believe my prayers are being answered. I don’t get too complacent, I know every day is a battle for him, and the weekends are difficult. For the moment, im happy to take each day as it comes.
Thinking and praying for you all
Vent as much as you want, we’re all here for each other
Big hugs
Lxx
Hi Naomi
Welcome to the forum. No one will judge you here, in fact I think you should be very proud of yourself for admitting you have a problem with addiction and want to stop.
Everyone here has a loved one with addiction or is a person in recovery. Read the other threads here.
I think you have made a decision that you are powerless to your addiction and this is the first step towards recovery.
There is advice and support on the forum homepage and also from the Icarus trust.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions for 10yrs. He reached out fir support last year. He attended AA, CA and NA meetings, he met like minded people who all support each other. Its been tough for him and he’s relapsed, but for the moment he’s doing really well, clean for almost a month.
Its not too late for you Naomi you have your whole life in front of you.
Be strong, have faith and seek the help you need.
Always here to chat ,
Lx
Hi Paula 5
Welcome to the forum , there are lots of people here who have loved ones with addictions. There also people in recovery offering support and advice. The forum has advice and support and so do the Icarus trust who post regularly.
I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles and I want you to know that someone is listening and people on this forum really care and support each other.
My son is 27 and has been dabbling for more than 10yrs. It comes to a head a year ago. No money, drug debt, job insecure because of absence. Thankfully he reached out to us, went to daily AA, CA and NA meetings (now online) met others, they support each other, do the 12 steps program, does meditation for anxiety. Not gonna lie, he’s relapsed a few times, but he’s trying even though it’s tough.
Everyone’s different, deal with it differently. I can’t talk to my sisters or folks about it, it’d blow their minds.
If you click onto ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread, there’s about 6 of us mums all with sons who have addictions.
Don’t be alone in this, we deserve a bit of happiness in all this too.
Always here to chat,
Lx
Hi unknown
Welcome to the forum. Everyone on this forum has a loved one who has an addiction. We also have advice and support from people who are in recovery.
I notice that you haven’t said much, but I understand that you are probably in a desperate situation that you have found this forum.
Read the other threads here, there’s good advice and support from others in same or similar situations. There is also support on the forum homepage and the Icarus trust offers advice too.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, so I have some experience of what it does to the family and those closest to the addict. Cocaine is an evil drug, it possesses them and turns a person into a selfish and aggressive person. Until they, themselves realise they have a problem, there is little you can do.
My son is currently clean, almost a month. He reached out to us a year ago, he has had a few relapses unfortunately. He said the only thing that works, is total abstinence from alcohol, which triggers the need for cocaine. Also, attending/going online daily, to AA, CA or NA meetings. He does daily meditation to get him through anxiety and he has support from others he’s met through the meetings.
Please don’t feel guilty, or helpless, look after yourself, be around others who are positive influences.
I wish you well whatever you decide to do for your own health and well-being.
Lx
Good that he’s respecting his grandparents. That could work – especially cutting ties with people who could be a bad influence on him. My son had to cut ties with all his friends as they drink. Drink is a trigger for him as he moves onto cocaine.
He’s 27, we’ve been through some emotional and upsetting times. Running up drug debt and expecting us to pay dealers who chase him up for money.
Fortunately last year he joined AA and CA meetings, attending sometimes daily. Did the 12 steps programme, got a sponsor, was clean for 3 months…but unfortunately has relapsed a few times. He knows he needs to stop, its very hard for him and recovering addicts.
At least he’s seeking help, it starts and ends with them.
We’re fine just now as he’s been clean almost 3 weeks, daily contact etc. Things could change so quickly so I don’t get too complacent. Read the other stories here too, I chat to other mums on the Theresa thread. Lots of support and advice.
I wish you well, stay strong
Lx
Blouise
I wish I had the answers for you.
Maybe living with the grandparents might be an alternative. But they’re not there to fund his addiction and he needs to realise this. I’m not sure they would be strong enough to say no to him, definitely not giving him cash.
I would seek some advice on this, I would worry about putting my son out at that age. He gave us a hard time at that age, but fortunately he still managed to hold down his job.
It was very stressful, he spent his wages as soon as he got it then continued borrowing until next payday.
Try speaking to him, and give him conditions and boundaries maybe? If you’re struggling with his demands, I think it would be difficult for the grandparents to deal with.
Be strong and be firm with him.
Otherwise he walk all over you.
Take care
Lx
Hi Blouise and welcome to the forum. I’ve read your story and wanted you to know that you are not alone in this.
If you click on to ‘share your story’/Theresa thread, there are several of us mums with sons and similar situations.
Everyone is friendly and supportive with each other.
There is also the forum homepage and the Icarus trust who post regularly.
My son is 27 now but I know he has dabbled since he was around 14 or 15. It’s a slippery slope, you watch your lovely happy boy turn into an aggressive, selfish, disrespectful person who only sees you as a cash cow.
In my opinion it’s early days for him, time to change his life around before he gets into serious drugs and gets too dependent on them
Might be good to confront him when he’s fluid or in a fair mood.
Perhaps put your concerns in a text , he might read it when his head is clear.
Finally find time for you and the rest of your family, it’s not worth worrying yourself sick about. Concentrate on your and the family’s well being- its important that you stay strong and positive.
I wish you and your family well.
Take care
Lx