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Bump, I don’t know what to say other than I’m thinking and praying for you and your family.
I hope he’s found soon, at least if the police are involved, things will start moving forward for you.
Take care
Lxx
Hi Ivy and welcome to the forum.
There are lots of people here from all over the country ( and world) who have a loved one who has an addiction. There are also people in recovery offering support and advice. So don’t feel alone in your daily struggle.
I’m sorry to read your story, it is so similar to others here. We love them as mothers, but hate what this addiction does to them, and to us. Its a very stressful and frustrating situation for all parties involved.
I don’t have all the answers, but read the other threads. Some people who post can offer advice and support, others just want someone to vent to, there will always be someone to offer you words of comfort.
We’ve been told so many times that an addict has to reach rock bottom before they feel the consequences of their actions .
As a mum this is very hard to do.
My adult son has alcohol and cocaine addictions. My heart has been broken so many times, shed so many tears over 10yrs.
He finally reached out to us a year ago. It really has to be their decision. He’s had some weeks better than others. He attended AA and CA meetings daily online now mostly. This is really helpful as they meet others who want to try and stop their addiction. They support each other too. If they are serious about stopping they start a 12 step program and maybe get a sponsor.
First and foremost look after yourself. Do 5 minutes meditation, look into ‘mindfulness ‘ go for nice walks. Just do what makes you happy, it will be easier to deal with things better.
The forum homepage has advice and support too.
I hope this helps you, please don’t worry, its not worth it.
Keep in touch
Lx
Jem, im sorry to hear about your mum. Don’t beat yourself up about it as you can’t physically be everywhere. I’m sure she’d understand. The best you can do is prioritise everyone’s needs – including your own.
I’m hope its nothing serious and she’ll be on the mend soon.
Bump- still thinking and praying that the situation gets better for you. You know that we’re all thinking of you here.
Take care
Lxx
Jaynhissay, thank you for your post. I felt quite emotional reading it. I really appreciate you taking the time to put your thoughts and feelings on the forum.
I’m sure the other mums will also appreciate your words. I’m glad you found our post and replied.
We understand it’s not easy for our sons to stop, we know it’s an evil drug that’s like an itch you have to scratch. I admire people who are strong enough to change, enough to stop them from ruining their future happiness, and for their families who love them .
I think you should be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished so far, and for ringing your mum.
Thanks fir wearing your heart on your sleeve, your kind message has given me hope for my son’s future. Im sure the other mums will agree with me.
Take care and thanks again, im sure any future advice you can give will be appreciated.
Lx
Oh Bump, im so sorry to hear that, i don’t know what to say . It must be so awful for you and your family. Is there anyone on this forum, home page or Icarus trust that could give you some advice?
He may have friends who can let him stay.
Is this the rock bottom that they have to experience before they turn their lives around?
I read one of the threads whereby a mum had to put her son out of the house for same reasons. She said she didn’t see him for a while, then he turned a while later clean.
He’s been clean 8 years now and has a good job and everything, he even apologised to her for all he put her through.
When I read it , it gave me hope that a person can turn their life around if they are really strong and put their mind to it.
I hope and pray that he, and our troubled sons will see the light sometime soon.
Until then Bump, you can only be there for him when he genuinely wants to quit the drugs.
Please look after yourself and your family, I know its difficult to switch off, but you need to hold it together just now.
Always here for you ❤
Lxx
Hi Bump
Good to hear from you.
I’m sorry that you’ve not heard from your son yet. My son does that when he’s binged. He lies low and he tells us that he sleeps a lot of the time. I guess it’s the body repairing itself. If only they’d just send a text to say they’re okay though.
I usually send a daily text to say, ‘let me know you’re okay please ‘
Sometimes I get a reply and sometimes I don’t.
For the moment, concentrate on yourself, have a lovely time with your friend. I met a friend for coffee the other day and felt normal. It was nice.
Hope we all have a peaceful weekend, ill be thinking and praying for us all. Big hugs,
Lx
Hi Jenny and Jem
I’m sorry to read your stories today. I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking and praying for you.
I haven’t met either of you but I know that you are both great mums who just want the best for
their sons. I wish I had all the answers but at least you know you have someone to tell your troubles to, on this forum.
We’re all pretty much in the same boat, so we all understand each other.
Jenny, I hope your son has a good interview tomorrow, maybe the prospect of a new job will give him something to focus on.
Jem, 7 weeks clean from heroin – that’s good progress . Maybe he’s still in withdrawal from it, are you able to get advice from anywhere on what to expect and how to taper him off weed?
I do hope things get better for you all soon.
My son is settled again for now, back to work, online meetings. I’m not getting my hopes up too much!
Unfortunately, my husband caved and paid the debt. Son has promised he’ll pay it back. I wasn’t happy but , we’ve said, absolutely never again. Fingers crossed again!
Thinking and praying for you and your families.
Always hear to chat
Lx
That’s a good start Andy. You just have to be really strong enough to fight it.
My son says after a binge , he’s totally wiped out, and sleeps for days and we don’t see him. That’s when he’s likely to skip work. Fortunately he’s working from home, so is coping a bit better.
The secret is to keep busy with daily meetings, eat healthy, exercise find a hobby you like, do daily meditation to calm your aggression. This also works for partners or relatives of addicts.
There’s help out there if you are seeking help. It’s supportive to be in company of others who are in recovery.
Make a plan for the weekend, as it’s the most difficult time. Stay away from people who may lead you astray. Keep busy thats the secret ????.
Keep in touch and stay strong.
Lx
Hi Andrew and welcome to the forum. Just to let you know that you’re not alone in your struggle with addiction.
Everyone on this forum has been affected by their loved ones addictions, or have addiction themselves.
Read the other threads, there will be others like you who are fighting addiction and can offer advice and support. Also the forum has advice and support too.
I know what it’s like to live someone with addiction. Its very stressful and frustrating for both parties. My son has alcohol and drug addiction, has gone to AA, CA, and NA meetings, face to face before covid, and online more recently. They are good to attend as he meets others in the same situation or similar. They work through the 12 step program when you finally admit you have a problem and are seeking help.
You can get a sponsor and people to contact when you’re struggling.
Read Danman83 or Kel 1 or BT1978 threads, they are in recovery and offer good advice.
You don’t need to be alone with this. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just be strong and have faith and hope.
Take care
Lx
Hi Pixie and Jackie
I’ve been reading your thread.
I too, am the mother of an adult son with alcohol and drugs addiction.
Pixie – I totally understand and sympathise with you. It must be hard when he’s behaving like that under your nose. Its really hurtful and you feel helpless. He needs to get to a point where he needs the support. Everyone doesn’t do it…my daughter had the same upbringing and not interested in using anything! Read the other threads might be another in same situation.
Jackie – your story gives me hope for my son. Im so happy for you, that’s all you want as a mum, for them to be healthy and happy!
I wish you both well.
Keep posting
Lx
Nothingleft, does your son live alone, or with you?
Yes, the debt they run up is shocking, such a waste of money!
Sadly they don’t see it that way.
We confronted our son over a year ago, and all the truth spilled out , the debt, everything. Rightly or wrong, we paid off about 4 scumbag dealers at the time. A lot of money.
He went to doctor firstly then checked out local CA meetings which he attended regularly, met some inspirational people, and people struggling like him. He felt accepted.
We’re not going to be paying his debts any more, he still has relapses unfortunately, but i just buy food and cigs, no cash !
Hopefully while they’re working they are busy, fingers crossed a quiet week.!
Keep your chin up and find time for yourself- I do 5 min meditation on Google. It helps too.
Always here to chat, there’s some lovely friendly people on this forum. Very supportive
Sending hugs
Lx
Hi Brookie
Welcome to the forum, i just wanted to know that you are not alone and someone is listening.
Everyone on this forum has a loved one who is addicted to alcohol or drugs. There’s also some people in recovery sharing their experiences and knowledge.
I’m in a slightly different position whereby its my adult son who has the addiction, so I do know what its like to be around someone who, is lying, manipulating, makes you feel like you’re in the wrong.
Its a horrible existence for them, and for us as you feel you can’t move on with your life.
Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that it starts and ends with him. He needs to get to a point where he wants support and seeks help.
Until that day, it will be like groundhog day.
Read the other threads, when he’s ready, there’s AA NA and CA groups he can join, mostly online at moment.
First and foremost, look after yourself and your children, put yourselves first. He will not see the devastation he’s causing, the drugs make them selfish and insensitive.
Stay in touch, im sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
Lx
Hi Nothingleft
Welcome to the forum, i was also sorry to read your story. As Debc said , there are a lot of us mums here sharing our stories and worries. Read Theresa thread, we all have sons with addictions.
You have no need to feel guilty or alone in this. Our sons are making these choices, and only they alone can turn their life around.
The drugs and alcohol are turning them into people we don’t recognise. They say and do things out of desperation, hurting things.
There is help and support there for them , but it is ultimately their decision.
Like you, I also have the fear of ‘that knock on the door ‘. But they are no longer little boys, they are grown men who are making these choices. We can only be there to offer them emotional or spiritually.
You could go on forever with the financial side of it, but it will never be enough.
Take care of your own health and mind , its difficult as I’ve had a bad week myself, but you really need to for your own sanity and the rest of the family.
Don’t be alone in this nightmare, there will be better days ahead. At least we all have each other on this forum.
Take care
Lx
Morning Bump
Thank you for your words of support.
I agree with you, covid is definitely compounding things for us all . I really hope things are better for you and your son too.
I’ll go out with hubby for a drive and a switch off. You’re not being corny at all, the posh word for it these days is mindfulness…living in the current moment!
I do try to take pleasure in the little things these days. Otherwise I’d go crazy. I’m very fortunate to have my husband and daughter who are very supportive.
Thanks again, hope you have a peaceful weekend.
Lxx
Hi Jenny, thanks for your reply.
At least im calmer now.
I’m standing firm with it, but my husband said, we’ll see tomorrow.
I said to my son, tell the guy he can wait til payday like the rest of us! He made me feel so mad.
I feel so sad all time, its like I’m in mourning for the son he used to be. Does that make sense?
I hope things are better for you just now.
Take care, good night
Lx