[lipa33186]

Hi, my husband just passed away a month ago. He was an alcoholic for the last 5 years but the last 2 were downhill. I left my house with my teenage daughter a year ago because it was impossible to live with him anymore, he was not working anymore and drinking vodka non stop day and night. Everyday coming back home from work was a nightmare because he was either drunk awake or drunk asleep, the man that I married was gone, he was now possessed by a demon called alcohol. I was reluctant to leave him until that point because he had no family and neither did I, I knew that the moment I’ll leave him he would end up homeless in the streets. But it got into a point that I had to leave not only to protect me but to protect my daughter. He went to an inpatient rehab center for three weeks but left the place saying that he was not an alcoholic and since that day he never seek professional help again. During the last year I avoid having too much contact with him hoping that he will hit rock bottom and decide to seek help but it did not happened. A couple of months before he passed away, he started to go to church and we thought that God will guide him through the recovery path and ease his pain. Unfortunately it was too late, his health was very compromised and he died of a massive heart attack while sleeping in his car. I found him 2 days later after not having news from him. I am totally heartbroken, can’t stop feeling guilty for not being nicer to him, he was feeling very lonely and he just needed to feel closer to his family but I wasn’t ready to take him back. My husband was a man with a great heart, he loved his daughters and his friends, before the sickness took over his life he was a happy man, always cooking for all his friends and hosting dinners at home, he loved his country and always wanted to go back. I still don’t understand when and how he ended up like this but I only know that I miss him a lot and can’t stop crying, my pain and guilt is overwhelming, I wish I would had being nicer and more kind to him. Even though I know he is free from his pain and in a much better place finally resting in peace, I would wanted a different outcome, I was still hoping that christianity would had help him recover. We will miss him dearly specially the important days on my daughter’s life like their wedding, etc. Thank you for reading and hope this help to let you know that you are not alone in this pain.

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