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Good morning lovely ladies
You are all wonderful people who love and adore your children, even if they are all grown up and should be independent adults.
Addiction is a disease, it turns our beauties into something we do not recognise. I do believe they still love us but the addiction is stronger, I know they feel shame about their behaviour, but continue to behave like it because the need for that drug is too great.
They are lost inside a body that is being ravaged by drugs, no more dignity, no more shame, but the guilt is I am sure in abundance.
Unfortunately they do not all come through, some overdose, some resort to suicide in pure fear and desperation. My friend lost her son to suicide two weeks ago because he could no longer live with the need to use and the fear of the dealers.
I feel very very blessed that something happened to my son and he decided he hated his life and sought help from an amazing charity and did 7 months in rehab with an open door policy. Set up by an ex addict who said to me that no matter how much you beg an addict to get help, they will only do it when they are ready. Otherwise it is unlikely to be successful. My son had tried rehabs before upon pressure from me and always relapsed but I am very proud to say he is now 13 months clean.
I still worry, not the same deep rooted fear of will he come home tonight, will he have another seizure and his body give up, will the dealers catch up with him and give him a hiding, will he do something degrading just to earn some money to feed his habit, will he chuck in the towel on his life because he no longer wants to live in this world. I now worry, that he’s going to resort back to this, every time he comes home late I worry he has succumbed to the demon drugs.
But I do need to stop because I also know it is not within my control to change anything but I can choose to live my life and enjoy my other three children who are independent adults and wonderful and I am just about to become a nana. So excited for this ♥️
So lovelies, I hope you all have peaceful weekends, remember it’s ok not to be ok, and don’t hang your heads, our kids have a disease that we are not in control of. The scum are the dealers not our kids xx
Much love and hugs to you all ♥️
Kate, you are an amazing lady ♥️
Hi everyone
I have not been on here in a while, and have just caught up on several months posts. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you.
As you all know, my son was a raging Coke addict, which ended up being prescription drugs, alcohol and who knows what else!
I am very proud to say that on the 6th July 2021 he self referred himself to a funded place at a rehab centre. At the time, I had told him to leave after he had taken loans out in my name and stolen anything valuable in the house to sell. He found this place and I agreed he could stay with me until he went it (which was a week). On the 6th July he will be clean of any substance abuse for twelve months! He moved back home in January and his old employer took him back on, so has been working.
I still can’t get used to the new son that has been returned to me and I am still suspicious of every move, which quite frankly is not healthy! He has met a lovely girl who had a similar experience to him and they have both found faith in the church ( I am not a church goer) and attend meetings. They have a huge support network now that they are clean.
I myself am a single parent with 4 adult children, was married for 28 years to a man who was also an addict. I had to leave him to try and keep a roof over my childrens heads, that was 10 years ago. He was a gambling addict and still is. He is involved in the childrens lives but still in denial, my children are all adults and know he has a problem but they have accepted that and love him for who he is, he is very lucky!
Having lived with addiction all my adult life, I can reflect on it differently now. It is a disease, but with this comes desperation, violence, crime, drama, chaos, guilt, manipulation, lies, fear, loneliness and all of this consumes your life, whether you are the addict or loved one of the addict. We are the loved ones and we have lives too, you can’t change the addict but you can change your involvement. Don’t allow their addiction to stop you being you and enjoying your other relationships with siblings, children, friends, partners. You cannot do anything to stop them, they can only help themselves.
My son was in active addiction for 12 years. His addiction stole years from me being able to live freely. I was in fear for his life because of the seizures and suicide attempts and for my other childrens lives because of the dealers knocking on my door demanding money that he owed. And all of the other atrocities that happen.
Today, we are united in our support of my son whilst in recovery, what I have learnt is that this is a lifelong recovery for him. He is no longer the manipulative scheming boy that he had become and he certainly has taken ownership for his actions. We are still literally taking it day by day but each step forward is a step further away from the chaos he has left behind.
We love unconditionally (even if we really don’t like the person sometimes) and we all handle things differently in our lives, you will all do what you think is best for you and yours at the time, don’t feel bad for this. It is much easier in hindsight and with a clear head.
Thinking of each and everyone of you, and thank you all for always being there and for being united in the chaos that is addiction.
xxxxx
Hi all, Just checking in to see how you are all doing? Its been a while for all of us on this chat. I hope your boys remain clean 🙂
Mine has just completed a 6 month open rehab scheme and graduated last week, back working full time, so I pray with every ounce of my being that he continues on this road of recovery
I think of you all often, feel you are like my secret friends who just ‘know’ Much love xxxx
Hi all, Just checking in to see how you are all doing? Its been a while for all of us on this chat. I hope your boys remain clean 🙂
Mine has just completed a 6 month open rehab scheme and graduated last week, back working full time, so I pray with every ounce of my being that he continues on this road of recovery
I think of you all often, feel you are like my secret friends who just ‘know’ Much love xxxx
Thank you all for your very kind words. I had never thought of PTSD but yes I think that is a real thing for families. And I sometimes am angry at what he’s put us through and although I am immensely proud of him, he has a long way to go x
It’s so lovely that all of you understand, people think once they are clean that’s it but it’s not it’s a lifelong battle for them that we face too, BUT a battle that should get easier over time.
For those of you praying to reach this stage, never give up hope, your loved one is in there somewhere, addiction is a truly horrid disease and it can turn the sweetest of people into complete messes.
And also for all who have lost there loved one, I send love and prayers, I can’t even imagine how you are feeling ♥️
Stay strong and remember to look after yourselves too xxx
Thank you all for your very kind words. I had never thought of PTSD but yes I think that is a real thing for families. And I sometimes am angry at what he’s put us through and although I am immensely proud of him, he has a long way to go x
It’s so lovely that all of you understand, people think once they are clean that’s it but it’s not it’s a lifelong battle for them that we face too, BUT a battle that should get easier over time.
For those of you praying to reach this stage, never give up hope, your loved one is in there somewhere, addiction is a truly horrid disease and it can turn the sweetest of people into complete messes.
And also for all who have lost there loved one, I send love and prayers, I can’t even imagine how you are feeling ♥️
Stay strong and remember to look after yourselves too xxx
Hi everyone
I have not been on for a while but as usual after catching up on messages I am now in tears, sending hope, love and prayers to you all ♥️
My son is now 90 days clean, 27 years old and the first time he has been without any form of drugs or alcohol since the age of 16. He is still very heavy company, as you know he is in a state run open rehab facility and so far has stuck to the rules and is determined to make this work. He has embraced the 12 steps which I never ever thought he would as he’d always sneered at the mere suggestion of it.
I stood by him through all of those years of drug abuse and he abused our home, was rude, had my home raided by police, dealers banging on the door and threatening him and our family, he lied, stole, cheated, took credit out in my name, borrowed copious amounts of money, sold our belongings even my work laptop , threatened suicide on multiple occasions, It is soul destroying and something that will always stay with you, no matter what.
Today I am incredibly proud as he revived his 90 days clean key ring and I pray with all my might that he keeps soaring upwards.
But there is still an element of doubt, a big fat gremlin sitting on my shoulder who keeps telling me to be wary it takes 30 seconds for him to use again and spiral out of control in his addiction. If this happens I think I can’t have him back, I’m warn out and can’t watch the self destruct button being repeatedly pressed.
So I send you all my love, hope and prayers ♥️
Addiction in any shape or form is a horrendous disease, it transforms our loved ones into ugly people. More needs to be done to help this ever growing population of users. Instead of locking them up with no help, invest in therapies to give them a chance … I could go on and on and on………..
Sorry ????♥️
Hi kate1
It’s so sad that this isn’t more known about. I think more awareness should be raised in these matters, so that the guys that need help know where to look and get help rather than being fobbed off by others. It’s a vicious circle for them.
I used to see talk to frank ads on the tv but I see none now. I think the social media sites should advertise them to spread the word for no charge
Februarymarie
Enjoy ????❤️
Hi Bump22
They are on the talk to frank website. Click on help and advice , find a support centre, then enter your postcode and then choose rehab from list. Some of these are private but many charity run organisations. They all have a waiting list but my son only waited 3 weeks once he applied.
Delighted to hear that your son is 6 months clean, that’s fantastic x
I had never heard of them either, I think it was pure chance that my son found it. I too could never kick him out because I was too worried where he would be. Mental health and drugs go hand in hand and unfortunately one makes the other worse. I can’t begin to feel what you are going through, broken hearted and lots of unanswered questions, anger at the system and lack of support and care, anger at people’s perception of this awful disease. You are in my thoughts, Kate xxx
Hi all
I have been quiet for a long time as I chose to bury my head in the sand for a while and float above the surface of reality. My son has been an addict for about 10 years and is now 27. His cocaine dependency has been a rollercoaster. But after lots of deceit, manipulation, lieing, stealing and total disregard for anything other than cocaine, for the second time in his life he has entered rehab. The first time was to please me and he now tells me he used the day he came out. He had managed to hold down his job this time but got into serious debt with dodgy scum bags. I refuse to pay them off any more, I have reported them to police all be it anonymously. This time he came out of his bedroom crying (again)and said, enough I can’t do this anymore and he’d referred himself to a rehab centre that is funded by universal credits. He has been there for 6 weeks and doing brilliantly, he’s adopted the 12 steps program and I pray with every fibre of my being that this time he will stay clean. The program is for 6 months and he can leave at any time but he wont get a second chance. there are lots of these centres around the UK that work on this basis, I had no idea they even existed!
He’s stopped blaming everyone else and admitted that he chose to use the first time because he felt like it and enjoyed it until the addiction took hold. He has no control over addiction but he can put things in place in his life to guide him through this and maintaining sobriety. I so so so want to believe he will be ok but the reality is we can never be sure.
From a young adult who was having seizures at the amount of cocaine he was putting into his body and not caring if he lived or died, I am immensely proud.
Addiction is a horrid disease and more needs to be in place to educate and help our loved ones. For all of those guys and gals on the street, they are someone’s loved one but addiction has gripped them and in some cases it just never lets go and the disease is too much to overcome. Shame should never be attached to this, it is a disease and the sooner this is recognised the better.
Stay strong lovely people and in all cases do what is right for you and yours, don’t be preached too.
For everyone that has lost someone to this dreadful disease, I send you love and pray that you have the strength to carry on and live your lives xxx
Last of all, thank you all for your love and support over the years, this is truly something that some people just don’t understand and for a long time you were my lifeline. Xxx
Oh Kate
I am so so so sorry. It is a day we all dread as cocaine addiction continues to take away the ones we love.
Sending you much love.
xxxx
Oh Kate
I am so so so sorry. It is a day we all dread as cocaine addiction continues to take away the ones we love.
Sending you much love.
xxxx
It is so lovely to be reconnected with you all. I am thrilled that your son is continuing to successfully battle his addiction, I have tonight gone back and read through this thread and it made me shed a few tears. I hope all of you other mums are finding yourselves in much stronger positions and hopefully your loved ones too. My son, now 26 moved back home in June after he had not paid rent and began using on his own in his flat, he came back and cried (again) bit this time I didn’t bail him out but I did speak to the dealers he owed and basically said he can set up a payment plan or take him to court, of course they opted for the plan. He thankfully has held down his job and has the most amazing boss who understood. He is now 6 months clean and I feel like I have my son back. His MH is not great but he recognises this and is trying to work on it with a counsellor.
I stand by every word of button boys advice.
Thank you all of allowing me to wallow, offering words of comfort, and just being there anonymously understanding my plight. Take care all of you xxxxxxx