[lou1321]

That is something I hope I never have to face… but I honestly don’t know… There are lots of posts on here where parents have and I think they should be accountable for their actions but I don’t think my son would cope with prison at all. Heart tells you one thing and your head tells you something else.. Are you OK Amethyst2018? xx

[lou1321]

Hi Bev123 and Hox

Don’t feel alone or guilty. My ex husband is a gambling addict and so I left him 5 years ago, we had been together for nearly 30 years. The lies, control, manipulation and turning it all round to be my fault took it’s toll and I left him. I wanted our 4 children to grow up in a more stable environment and not have the fear of having to move house again to pay off more debts. Their father is still in the lives of the children and he does love them but he is still gambling and 2 years ago declared himself bankrupt. I literally woke up one day and thought I can no longer live like this. I don’t regret that decision for one minute.

Nine years ago my son (who is now 24) started dabbling in drugs, by the age of 19 he was addicted to cocaine, weed and pills. He lost his job, his GF, his friends, he was having seizures and was so painfully thin, he was out of control, he was angry, sad, depressed, euphoric… I never knew which one he would be or if he would live another day. When he was 21 he went into rehab for a month followed by 5 months living in Spain with a very dear friend of mine… I was so happy for him, I had my son back. He moved back to the UK and started working again, he regained his driving license and I was so proud of him…but the lure was too much, things started going missing again, and so it began, he has never been how he was before rehab but I think he is better at disguising it. He stole from me a week ago but says it wasn’t him, I know it was. He rang me this morning and told me he is going back to his CA meetings, that he is feeling much better and enjoying some parts of his days again… he is trying to make me believe he is clean and honestly I don’t know.

I do know the turmoil and the day to day never knowing of what is going to happen to day world that you both live in. BUT addiction is not your fault! Our loved ones have at some point chosen to use or chosen to drink or chosen to gamble, unfortunately our loved ones have addictive personalities and they have been consumed in it. BUT nothing we have done has made them that way.

The only advice I can give is DO NOT ENABLE ! they will never hit rock bottom until they have nothing, I know that it is very scary and goes against everything in a your body to not nurture, care and love for your loved ones but you are effectively buying them drugs… I had it spelt out to me after years of enabling both my son and ex.

Take car both of you and look after yourselves xx

[lou1321]

Hi all I was a tad angry yesterday but today I am just sad, sad that here are so many of us having to deal with addiction although we are not the addicts.

We love our children unconditionally and actually feel their pain. It is like they get possessed by the drugs and they themselves are locked away inside their own bodies. I know that my son doesn’t want to steal from me and I know he doesn’t want to use but Cocaine gets such a hold on their bodies that they just can’t always fight it and then their actions are guided by the need of this drug.

What I do know is that, they have to really want to be clean, my son has told me it is different this time he really wants it and has joined CA.. this is the son that also stole from me at the weekend and swears blind it was not him…. I want to believe him with every ounce of my body but I know he is lieing, but if he stole it then he really isn’t trying to give up or maybe it was another old debt.. see I’m trying to make excuses for him already 🙁

So we carry on loving our children, not enabling them and praying that one day they will wake up with an inner strength that is stronger than Cocaine.

Take care you lovely people xx

[lou1321]

I have read and re-read the posts on this site and the overall drug of choice is Cocaine! Our poor kids who are vulnerable addicts to this disgusting powder are prayed upon by the scum who make money and drive around in nice cars and have nice houses and always immaculately dressed… I know of at least 10 dealers in my town (I have given the police their names) but nothing happens, they continue to deal.. Cocaine has become a huge problem in the UK but I just don’t see what anybody is doing about it!

When my son relapsed before Christmas he owed some thug £3.5k, I reported it to the police and was told you need to pay these people off they are nasty! WTF! I ended up paying it because my son was terrified as I have done every other time… I am very angry at the moment, as well as paying his debts my son stole from me again this weekend although he swears blind it wasn’t him … it never is. I am exhausted with it all never knowing who and what to believe.

I too hold down a full time demanding job as a single parent and have 3 other beautiful children (2 of whom are now young adults) .When do you say enough? Drugs ruins lives, the user for sure but all their loved ones too.. trying to get through with a smile on your face, being strong at work and at home for the other children and actually all you want to do is scream and cry and occasionally I would just like to run away from it all

[lou1321]

I feel your pain DNAnon. Wouldn’t it be wonderful If he is in rehab and will see you once he is clean… I hope and pray that that is what he means xx

[lou1321]

I think he was buying in bulk and trying to pay for his own addiction by selling, unfortunately he never has enough to pay the dealers because he has used too much himself.

He does want to quit and he openly admits he is an addict, I actually thought he was doing OK again, he is still texting me and always tells me he loves me and that he’s OK and that he really is doing it this time but he needs to do it alone.. Ultimately I love him to pieces as we all do our children and I guess time will tell .

[lou1321]

Thank you georgia26 , I do think he wants to fight it, he cries and hates that it has taken over his life BUT he usually says this when he needs money, I do believe that he wants to stop and I know from all of these stories how incredibly hard that is, I have been to meetings with him (on his request) and met his sponsor but I think the Cocaine pull is just too much for him. He has had several seizures, he has a hole in his septum and he is asthmatic. He is so skinny I just hate to see my boy in this place, I have no idea how he holds down his job!

My ex husband is a gambling addict and that is a whole different story but the result is that I am on my own dealing with this too.

I wish a cure could be created to stop addiction… stay strong Georgia26 xx

[lou1321]

Oh and Danman, be proud, you have been incredibly brave and strong, now embrace your beautiful family and enjoy 🙂

[lou1321]

Hi Danman,

I am new on here, my son has been using cocaine since he was 16 but I think truly addicted since he was 19, he is now 24. I just wondered, how much cocaine would you be using if you were spending £500 a week? is that even possible or do you think I am not facing up to the fact that my son could be doing other drugs? He has been through rehab and was clean for about 5 months and then I just don’t know why or what happened but here we are again, the only difference at the moment is that he is holding down a job… I have absolutely been his enabler and paid so many debts off I had to re-mortgage.. I just don’t get it, I have tried, we have been to family therapy, it was bloody tough and heart breaking, I have stood by him through everything andafter he stole from me again this weekend I said No more, enough now, you are on your own. Except now I feel guilty, will he used more because I have rejected him, will he hate me forever. He was given a council flat last autumn so at the moment I am safe in the knowledge that for now at least he has a roof over his head… He would rung me up to 10 times a day but now I haven’t spoken to him since Saturday and it’s killing me.

[lou1321]

My son is 24 and dabbled from the age of 16 but probably properly addicted since the age of 19. I had to put locks on the bedroom doors so that he couldn’t steal from his brother and sisters, he admits he is an addict and has been through a 28 day rehab centre at an expense to his grandparents. (£10K) he came out full of hope but he is fully back on it again, I added up what I have paid out for him and have come to the conclusion that I have enabled him to carry on using but now it has to stop and I have told him no more money. He stole from me again at the weekend, and I truly had believed that he was sorting himself out but it is amazing what lies they come up with and emotional blackmail! I have always remained positive and always believed that he would be OK and he would sort himself out but this is fading before my eyes. The desperation you feel as a parent is awful, the breaking heart as you realise the love and hate relationship they have for cocaine is bigger than anything else.

I am so sorry to see so many desperate, anxious parents on this site, I too am a single mum and it’s tough and very isolating because nobody understands unless you have been through it. Stay safe lovely people x

[lou1321]

Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry that you are going through this too. xx

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