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Sorry to hear that you’re having such a difficult day. I find that things fluctuate quite dramatically… with any luck you m feel very different tomorrow.
You’re doing so well so stick with it – my thoughts are with you 💕
Thanks Mark – a little encouragement goes a long way!
Good to hear from you – how are you getting on? Hope life is treating you well.
Love to everyone – especially those who are struggling 💕
Well done to all of you who have recently stopped – it’s a huge achievement.
No news is generally bad news my end. I’ve been reluctant to post because I am far from the poster child for becoming free of this shite.
Long story short I quit around March and it was truly grim. I lasted 4 around months but then took a one off dose of 4 1/2 N+ (which equates to just under 60mg of codeine so in my warped mind I justified it as that’s a regular prescribed dose}. Although I enjoyed it, I felt so guilty that I stopped again and hoped it really was a one off. However for the past 6 weeks or so I’ve been doing it once or twice a week. I last took 4 1/2 N+ last Tuesday and it just made me feel nauseous but insanely I just know I’ll do it again.
I’ve a long long history of detoxing and relapsing so I should know better but I just can’t ever seem to get to a point of complete abstinence, I’m also well aware that it’s such a slippery slope and before I know once a week can very quickly turn in to multiple times a day with ever increasing amounts.
So hey ho that’s where I’m at. Not good at all. The guilt and shame I feel is tremendous but sadly not enough to overcome the lure of codeine – all be it occasionally at the moment.
Good luck to everyone who is starting out. It’s so so hard but apparently worth it – I’ve just not got that far yet!
Much love 💕
Hi Mark
No wise words to offer anyone but thought I’d say a quick hello.
Hope everyone is doing okay. 💕
Hi Mark
Good to hear from you – hope life is treating you well.
Yes it’s so so quiet on here… It would be such a shame if this thread dwindled altogether… I’m going to try an post more often (even if I’m waffling on to myself!) in a bid to try to keep the momentum going. It would be such a shame to lose this resource – it’s helped so many people and has been invaluable to me.
From reading your posts Mark, my journey is very similar to yours – not easy but hanging in there. Very much back to keeping it in the day/ a day at a time right now.
Stay strong everyone
Much love 💕
Testing to see if this post upload!
If it does – how’s everyone doing???
Hi Mark
Sorry to hear that life is tough for you at the moment. You’re doing so well not giving in to temptation – be proud of yourself.
I messed up a few weeks ago. I impulsively gave in to intense cravings and took 60mg of codeine – screwing up around 4 months of abstinence… at that moment it was great and I even thought I could “treat myself” from time to time… but oh the head f**k it’s caused since, I’m sure even this small amount (or perhaps just the guilt?) has negatively impacted my recovery… Obviously I didn’t experience any acute withdrawals but the insomnia, anxiety and low mood came back with a vengeance. Talk about short term pleasure causing longer term pain… I think the bottom line is I’ve got to address why I feel the need to take stuff to change the way I feel but I am clueless as to where to start. It’s something I’ve done for my entire adult life ffs!
Yes this thread/forum seems to be be all over the place at the moment – it’s so frustrating when posts disappear. Does anyone know of any other online support forums we can use?
Apologies for the rant! I hope everyone is doing okay and Mark hang on in there – remember everything that you’ve achieved over the past year.
Take care and stay strong 💕
I
Hi All
Rebecca – hope this finds you as well as you can be in early recovery. It’s horrible but the physical withdrawals do pass quite quickly so stick with it.
Mark – hope you’ve had an easier time since you last posted?
Good to hear that it’s achievable Bunkilla. I’m not doing quite so well but am determined to stay back on track.
Stay strong everyone
Much love 💕
Ps Does anyone know why posts just disappear here??!
Hi All
Sorry to hear that you’ve been through the mill again Access. Was it another opiate or some other prescription nasty? I’m currently reducing Pregabalin with a view to stopping, I’m on a low dose and thankfully I hate the way they make me feel so I didn’t get horribly addicted as I have with other substances. You’re absolutely right, there is zero support for people going through withdrawal; so glad that the doctor you saw in A&E gave you the acknowledgement that you deserve. I read your posts many times and they continue to motivate me. Giving up a 40 year habit is an ENORMOUS achievement!
Marky Mark – are you okay?
Love to all – stay strong and keep going everyone ????
Ps – now going to find out if this site will believe that I’m not a robot!!! Usually doesn’t and deletes what I’ve typed ????
Hi All
Marky Mark – thanks for your words of encouragement – they can have such an impact. I’ve been away on a mini-holiday (which with hindsight I should have cancelled!). I had a serious wobble but I saw your post just in the nick of time and it made me think twice – so a HUGE thank you ????I hope things are getting better your end?
Bels – how are things going? I hope your review with your GP went well and you’re doing okay?
Much love to everyone ????
Hi Tilly
Good to see you back, I’ve wondered how you are getting on. Well done for continuing to battle this horrible addiction.
I don’t feel that I’m the best person to be giving advice. It’s still early days for me and as you may have read, to say that I’m finding things tough is an understatement!
It must have been soul destroying for you on Monday and cold turkey may be especially difficult for you right now if other health issues require you to take pain relief from time to time. Have you looked into non-opiate alternatives? I know that’s easily said, but it may be worth talking to your doctor about pain management.
Secondly, the depression… for me it’s relentless and by far the hardest thing to manage…
It sounds like you’re in a dark place right now; if you think you can maintain taking 16mg a day this may be the way forward until you’re feeling a little stronger. This would be a low dose to come off when you’re ready so the physical withdrawal shouldn’t be so bad. To be honest, this method wouldn’t work for me, I tried to taper or maintain a lower dose many times but my use always escalated. That said, many others have been successful so it might be right for you.
These are just my thoughts – others may be able to offer sound advice! Follow your instinct Tilly and whatever you decide to do have faith in yourself ????
Thanks for posting Casey
So good to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’s felt relentless lately but going backwards is just as scary; as you say, the thought of having to go through this whole process again is too overwhelming. No I’m not in your WhatsApp group but would love to join if you’re open to taking newbies?
Bels – sorry to hear about your health scare. When I get tempted (which has been a constant the past few days) I remind myself of how tough this journey is and the reality that if I continue things will eventually improve but if I cave things will very quickly get a hell of a lot worse. I also bring to mind my lowest moments when I was using – all said and done it was a pretty sad existence.
Love to everyone – stay strong and keep going ????
Hi Marky Mark
I can really identify with this – I guess we should embrace this new ‘normal’!!! Not quite what I’d hoped for, but as you say if we continue making positive steps forward and giving it time things WILL improve… things ARE improving..
I’ve also reached the realisation that going back to my old ways is scarier than this new normal, reminding myself that codeine stopped having the desired effect in the end. I hope this is enough to keep me on track.
I’m going to summon up the courage to try the cold water therapy you describe – could be a good way of stopping the negativity and dread that hits me when I wake.. watch this space…
Sounds like your 15 year old talks a lot of sense – wish I had a teenage cheerleader!
Thanks for your support MarkyMark and love to all ????
Hello all
Having difficulty with this forum but having another go at posting!
Jane – I tried to reply to your post but was unable; I don’t know if others are having the same problem – it’s very quiet here at the moment. I hope you’re hanging on in there – remember that the physical withdrawals, as awful as they are, subside quite quickly. For me, on around day 6 I start to feel better.
Marky Mark – thanks for your commitment to us! You’ve mentioned previously that it took you a little longer with the psychological side of things and I was wondering how long it was before your mood lifted? I’m very slowly getting there (I think/hope) but it still feels like an uphill battle… The lethargy and depression is lingering and I still crave a ‘quick fix’… My current tactic is to try and accept this as my new ‘normal’ and push through… Exercise is the best antidote I’ve found but I have to literally FORCE myself to do anything!
Love to everyone, wherever you’re at just try to keep going. ????
Hi all,
Thanks Access for providing us with some much needed hope. Like Bels, it gave me another push in the right direction.
Bels, good luck with your GP appointment. I’m already taking an anti-depressant (have been on it for years). Clearly it’s not having the desired effect but I really think that was down to my codeine use???? . I considered talking to my GP but at the moment I don’t think my poor frazzled brain could cope with any more chemical changes if I switched to another so I’ve decided to keep things as they are for the time being. See what your GP suggests but it may be well worth giving anti depressants a go now that you are free of codeine.
I’m just past the 4 week mark and like you am still struggling. I hadn’t factored in feeling this low, which in hindsight was pretty naïve. I started a course of acupuncture on Monday and have also taken up Yin Yoga which is a stretching class that works on the same principal as acupuncture. Absolutely no clue if this will help but at least I feel that I’m doing something positive. My acupuncturist is a lovely but very blunt doctor who won’t take any bullshit so it’s also good to have someone like that to be accountable to (and honest with).
Husky Lee, how are you getting on? I’m so glad that you’ve found some additional support; this can be such a lonely and secretive journey.
Love to everyone – as Access said “just keep going” – that’s my new mantra!
????