[marie456]

Your dad will not destroy your life. Theres so much life coming for you. I felt the same at your age but I waited and got stronger until one day I was old enough to start my own life. My past has affected me, how I view others, etc but I’ve had a decent life so far. Try planning for your future, keep that hope alive. The addiction is more than anything. Think of a time when you really really wanted something; food, phone, etc something youd have done anything to get, eg that chocolate bar keeps begging for me to eat it. Thats how they feel every day. Their mind is that frazzled that nothing else has any space anymore other than needs/wants for what they are addicted to. The one thing ive learnt is lots of people are addicted in some way, its just some addictions are more accepted than others. We use them to comfort us, to help us forget and for some reason some people need that 24/7 and the rest of us dont. It will get better for you, just dont give up. Allow the unhappiness in but keep an eye on your goals for your future.

[marie456]

My partner has gone. He spoke to his key worker and wouldnt take my calls, just told me to talk to her. I think I’m in shock as to how quickly everything fell apart. I still don’t really understand whats happened. He spoke to his key worker and myself about getting clean and hasnt. I found out yesterday he spent the last 2 weeks sleeping rough and using drugs. This was after he’d asked to come back and told me he was clean, i couldnt get any confirmation from his key worker as she wouldnt respond to me. I know this probably sounds muddled but my head is all over the place. He disappeared again yesterday and I’ve not heard from him since. I’ve laid awake most of the night and the only thing I keep going back to is that I don’t think hes ever loved our new baby and possibly not loved me. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel relief but heartbreak as well and now I’m panicking about how long I can spend with my baby before trying to get work and starting all over again.

[marie456]

Hi Danni, i havent even got mat leave as i was a temp and they forced me to finish early as i wasnt well so weve been living on my savings which are running out quickly – because of his addiction. I was on the operating table and he stole the card and went on a bender, even crashed my car while i was in hospital which added more expense. He seems to want to stop but wont go cold turkey. I managed to get him to talk on a couple of online NA groups last night and he said he had a plan to get clean but its not happened. I really do need some support and its been great to be able to put something on here as I cant talk to anyone. Im sure you are in the same boat, its hard to admit whats happening because you’d tell someone in your position to run a mile. I hate what ive done to myself and my child. The money i had saved was for a future that ill never see and will take me years to get back, if i ever do. I wish id had the foresight and put him in rehab instead of being in this situation. Not that its my business to do that but it wouldve been alot cheaper! It makes me feel a bit better knowing theres someone who has the same situation.

[marie456]

Hes part of a local community programme but has been since before I met him. He now cant go to the meetings and part of me is glad because I know that most of the people in the group meetings were passing drugs to each other, rather than it helping him it made things worse. We tried looking at meetings outside the centre but he lost interest. I dont have the time or energy to deal with him and our baby. I tried last night to get him to sign onto an online meeting and he disappeared again for a few hours and weve hardly spoke since. I blame myself for picking him and bringing this upset in my life. I was doing well and now im back at square one and once this is over back to rebuilding my life with a child.

[marie456]

My step-dad was an alcoholic all through my childhood and I stuck around into adulthood to keep my mum and sister safe. I regret now not walking away earlier as neither have been thankful for the help I gave, not that I expect thanks but I put my life on hold to continue living in the house. I cant honestly say it was worth it, but thats my situation not yours. My breaking point was him being close to punching me in the face (less than an inch from my face) because I asked my sister for a chip. It was something that small and silly that I turned to my mum and said I’m done, as of this moment I’m done. It took another 6 months to get out but my mum left him and I started to live my life. I just want you to know that one day that escape will happen and this will be over, you will start to heal and it will take time but it can happen!

[marie456]

I just wanted to say I understand and am in the same type of situation. I have no idea what to do either but I guess at some point we will need to save ourselves instead of trying to save them. My partners family have cut all ties (I think on purpose) so im left to deal with him, he talks about rehab but theres so many lies that who knows what the truth is. I hate what my life has become and the embarrassment he brings into my life. I grew up in the same type of situation and feel like I’ve followed the path I never wanted to be on. I just hope you get the strength to make a decision.

[marie456]

I’m new on this forum but I understand completely. I’ve begged my partner to give up. He takes the car and disappears for hours on end. I’ve got to the point of hiding the car keys and cards because I dont know what else to do. He missed our childs birth because he ‘couldnt cope’. Im embarrassed and ashamed of myself and honestly cant see a way out. Ive asked him to leave and he wont, I think his ‘wonderful’ family have advised him to sit it out while I pay for everything. I wish I had some advice for you but I wanted you to know you arent alone in this and I know most days we feel completely alone and stuck. I want him to go as no child deserves this, I grew up with an abusive drunk of a step-dad and it was awful. I never wanted this and put off ever having children and then my little one happened (I refuse to say accident or mistake). Now I spend most days beating myself up (mentally) over my little ones future. He wants rehab but no one seems willing to help, or at least thats what he keeps telling me. I refuse to fully get involved as he needs to look into it and really want it for himself. Sadly we cant afford to send him to rehab (he spent all the money). I wont say stay or go as I have no idea what to do myself but I would put a plan in place incase you do want to leave at some point. Maybe just knowing where you can go or what you can do might make things a little easier?

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