[meandfi]

It’s true – that is what they say.

On the other hand, most of the people working in rehab were ex addicts, and the program leader told me that he was helped by someone who “ was always there and never let him down”

I guess we have to listen to the experts, but I am confused about what rock bottom means ( and how you know to step in before the do something they can’t come back from) and how not to let my son down without enabling him x

[meandfi]

I don’t talk about my son to anyone now – I feel he is my problem alone, and nobody else really understands, so my normal response when anyone asks about him ( which they have mainly stopped doing) is “ he’s complicated”

I can say that being able to vent here is a relief in many ways. I joined a “widows” group a week before which helped me know that the way I feel was not “abnormal” but whilst people talk about their grief, and how hard it is to be bringing up children alone, I couldn’t talk about my son there – I would feel too ashamed x

[meandfi]

From what the rehab people told me, addiction is all one thing – drugs lead to alcohol ( a lot of the time) and alcohol leads to drugs.

It’s clear that their minds aren’t right that they feel they can con us over and over again ——— on the other hand, maybe it’s our minds that need testing when we keep falling for it ( even though we know what we are doing is wrong) x

[meandfi]

It’s so hard – I’ve been told he needs to hit “rock bottom” before he can turn his life around…… but how much lower can you get than being homeless and living on the streets?????

When I got him into rehab, everyone else was 30 – 60 years old, mostly people who had spent the best part of their lives in prison…….. and even the rehab people told me he was “ too young” for rehab!

There is no part of what he is doing to himself that I get, and no part of “ too young for rehab” that I get.

The only reason he is not in prison is through pure luck…… but I’m at the point where I hope he gets caught for something ( non violent) and goes to prison, because maybe that’s rock bottom??? But then, prisons are full of drugs!!!!!

Sorry for ranting……. I just don’t see a solution

[meandfi]

I’m so sorry to read this. My son sounds just like your brother, but he is only 21. My husband/ his father, died 2 and a half years ago ( my sons problems go back to when he was 13, so not a result of this) and as a now single parent, I am determined that if something happens to me, my daughter ( 23) will not have to take on the burden of a life she did not chose/ or should be responsible for.

I understand your feeling that you see him as a young boy….. my daughter has dealt with it by saying that this person isn’t really her brother, and her real her brother was “ swapped in the night” when he was 13 …… and to be honest, I feel the same.

I don’t know the person he is now, nor do I like him.

We will always love the person we knew, and he was.

I am hypocritical to say this ( because I don’t practise what I preach) but walk away.

You have to look after yourself and your children.

If there is one thing I am ingraining in my daughter, it’s that she is NOT his mother, and is NOT responsible for him.

You have only one life – and it’s yours to live.

Sending you love and strength x

[meandfi]

I’m so sorry to read this, and am no expert, so can only offer a suggestion that maybe if your dad admits he has a problem you convince him to have his wages paid into another account he doesn’t have access to, and you transfer what he needs to spend to his own account? It may not solve the problem if he chooses to spend that money on drugs, but maybe at least it limits his spend, and alleviates the financial pressure on your Mum.

If he is in a high pressure job, and depending on the company, it could also be worth seeing if he could get a 3 or 6 month sabbatical so he can take some time away from work pressure.

He wouldn’t have to say why, but just that he needs some time for family. This is becoming quite normal in many industries as companies understand how “burnout” can affect people.

Wish you all the best x

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