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Kate1 you did what we are all doing – trying to stop them, help them, guide them; trouble is wee are helpless. The drugs have taken over and they cannot see what downward spiral their lives are taking.
You are so right the dealers draw them in – he got drawn in just after his GCSE’s/beginning of A Levels. I think it gave him a bit of confidence. Then I think he became dependent; self medicating?
He’s just scraped through his degree or so we think – not seen any evidence. He asked for an extension on his dissertation and lots of other modules and says he won’t get his degree until January. I’ve called the University and they’ve told me
they can’t discuss!
He’s 21, 22 in November.
Hi All
Apologies not been on here for a while.
Kate1 – my belated condolences to you and your family.
My situation is no different.
My son has a new girlfriend ( a rebound I feel). She comes from a nice family; not sure what they will think when they find out he’s addicted to weed. She knows all about him and has witnessed a few altercations with us.
I had to message her on social media to explain, the way we treat him hasn’t just happened it’s been 5 long years of behaviour.
His routine is –
Work at local express supermarket chain 3pm-11pm; meet friends park up, smoke weed, drive home stoned (gets in 1am or 2am)
Gets up after lunch – repeat or goes out to whoever is around and smokes. The will see his girlfriend. leaves hers or she leaves here t 11pm. Then he meets his friends and smokes, back early hours.
We have said it’s disrespectful to come back waking us up when we have work the next day. Also, irresponsible smoking while stoned.
He sees no wrong – we are the ones who are not taking his lifestyle into consideration.
He’s in debt, recently cleared his savings account to pay off his overdraft and is overdrawn again – repeat!
He has no car, his gearbox is knackered (2nd one now) and somehow his drivers window got smashed saturday night at midnight ( he called us to tell us what had happened; after messaging us the week before telling us he doesn’t need us)
His girlfriend witnessed him talking to us like dirt. He wanted her to sleep at ours, we said they haven’t been together that long and when he starts to tow the line she can.
She arrived at ours at 10.30pm; he got onto her car and they drove off. came back 10 minutes later. We’d already said she couldn’t sleep.
I’d locked the front door and put the key in the lock. I opened the door and I said that she couldn’t sleep. He went ballistic. My husband came downstairs and told him we had pre warned him. He said we were putting his relationship at risk. She walked off to her car. He followed and stayed at hers.
As he left he said I wish you two would drop dead and die a painful death.
I messaged his girlfriend the next day to apologise and to tell her it wasn’t aimed at her – I also told her what he said to us.
She never replies.
We had an almighty row last Sunday. He went to a theme park with his girlfriend (we have said it’s great to do nice things but get out of debt first; he told us if he doesn’t do things with her it will jeopardies his relationship).
My husband text him and said if you don’t come home at a decent time i’m going to put the key in the door. Which he did.
She dropped him home at 10.30pm and he got straight in his friends car, he rolled in at 1am – my husband and he had a massive row, my husband told him he should move out and a few more choice words.
Our son then broke down in tears. My husband went downstairs to find him sat in the kitchen with boxes of paracetamol and ibuprofen.
My husband has blamed me for not having a good relationship with him – I said I’ve seen this before whereby he’s sobbed told me he wants to stop and the following day brought £110 worth of weed.
My husband now feels sorry for him and says we should try and help him more.
So…..
It’s now Wednesday 12.32pm – he’s still in bed, due in work at 3pm. I drop him and no doubt his friend will pick him up.
Monday he was out until 1am, I dropped him at work and his friend picked him up from work at 11pm.
Last night his girlfriend came round they sat in his room, she left at 11pm. he walked her up the drive and then jumped into his friends car and came home at 1am.
My husband cannot see he’s just walking all over us.
Slowly going insane…………….
Thank you for your prayers. xxx
I have racked my brains as to where we went wrong. the truth is …. nowhere. He has had everything and more.
The worst is he can’t see the hurt, pain and destruction he is causing.
Stay strong xxxxx
Thank you xx
I am exactly the same -I should be jumping for joy but the pain of the past 5 years has taken it’s toll on my appearance, my health, my attitude and most of all my marriage.
Stay strong xxx
Hi Everyone
We are all strong women and need to take control and look after ourselves, and enjoy our lives.
Selfish – yes.
But why not?
Our sons will continue to behave in this way as long as they are addicts and we will continue to waste our lives and become more depressed, tired, ill.
I am currently having counselling and the common thread is look after yourself and cut ties for your own self worth and wellbeing.
I realised a long time ago I had to do this, and cut ties with my son. I realised he wasn’t the son I once knew and loved. He is now a drug addict, selfish and puts this first over everything.
I guess I needed a ‘professional’ to tell me it was ok to do this.
All that we have done for him as parents means nothing and is thrown in our face whenever it’s questioned as to why he’s ended up here.
He still lives with us. has just finished his degree by the skin of his teeth – he started his dissertation 2 days before it was due!
He works part time and is constantly overdrawn, however his student bank account will now cease and he will be charged for his overdraft.
My husband still sees the good in him, but I’ve explained this is our 5th year but I hid it from him for 2!!
I cannot get over the pain, hurt and anguish he has caused me.
I have blocked him on all social media, whatsapp and texts/calls. I unblock texts if my husband is working away just in case he needs to call should he get into trouble.
He now has a new girlfriend who is oblivious to it all – he sees her, they do nice things, he drops her home and then goes to meet his friends , smoke weed , drie home , gets back early hours.
He got in at 3.30am, as I write this it’s 12.10pm. He’s still in bed and has work at 3.
He’ll get up, eat, shower , got to work till 11pm, smoke after work till the early hours – repeat either going out mid afternoon to meet his friends or work.
The circle of his life.
So…..
After 5 long years of weed addiction my Son has decided he wants to start and get clean.
Deep down I’m over the moon. BUT I’ve been here so many times before, only to be let down.
He has found a new girlfriend and she seems to be the influence. He’s finished his degree, he comes straight from work whereas before he’d be out till all hours smoking and driving.
He asked me to mend our relationship, I said it would take time and I’m not willing to do this overnight because it’s what he wants. I’ve had so much pain and had got to the stage where I am putting myself first for my own wellbeing.
My husband is very different and wants to alway see the best in him, which I have done in the past and stopped once I came to terms that he was an addict.
I said to him not once have you ever stopped and realised what you have put me through.
He said tell me.
I was flabbergasted.
I said I’ve had 5 years of ‘THIS’ and you can’t see how you’ve behaved and the effect it’s had on this house?
I had to walk away.
So I wrote him a letter last sunday ,printed it off and gave it to him.
I said how hurt I was that our relationship had broken down, how I would have never believed a mother could not want a relationship with her child but I was that mother, How I’d cried, cried in his face and he laughed at me telling me weed is ok and it’s not addictive, lost sleep, lay awake worrying till i heard his car pull up, worried he’ll get caught and his future will be jeopardized, begged him to stop, spied on him to try and keep him safe – and he carried on smoking weed like cigarettes, driving while stoned, then occasionally ‘popping’ acid as he told his ex girlfriend.
I told him he had never once apologised for his behaviour and we had helped him with so much – I gave him an example of his dad repairing his car, paying for new tyres, exhausts and the minute his car was roadworthy he was off out till all hours smoking weed. no money to pay for the parts but £120 on weed.
I told him his friends weren’t friends and the only thing they had in common was smoking weed – I said look at them, what do you do with them? Nothing, you don’t socialise other than smoke weed in each others cars.
I admitted I had probably handled it wrong but had to be hard and cut ties as he was making me ill. I didn’t want it to be a witch hunt and all the blame on him.
He read it and told me I was deranged – this is after he said he wants to get clean and start afresh.
During this week he’s ‘towed’ the line. BUT he’s done this before with his last girlfriend he started smoking after a few weeks of being with her and then started the rollercoaster of him treating her like he did us – lying etc.
He wants us to meet his new girlfriend; he’s met her parents. We have decided to go for a meal with my daughter and her boyfriend this weekend.
I so want him to get clean and live a ‘Normal’ life but the deceit and hurt he’s caused makes my blood boil. I’m still angry and am waiting for him to go back to his old ways.
I should be pleased but he’s let me down so many times.
Let’s see how long it lasts.
Love to you all xxx
So…..
After 5 long years of weed addiction my Son has decided he wants to start and get clean.
Deep down I’m over the moon. BUT I’ve been here so many times before, only to be let down.
He has found a new girlfriend and she seems to be the influence. He’s finished his degree, he comes straight from work whereas before he’d be out till all hours smoking and driving.
He asked me to mend our relationship, I said it would take time and I’m not willing to do this overnight because it’s what he wants. I’ve had so much pain and had got to the stage where I am putting myself first for my own wellbeing.
My husband is very different and wants to alway see the best in him, which I have done in the past and stopped once I came to terms that he was an addict.
I said to him not once have you ever stopped and realised what you have put me through.
He said tell me.
I was flabbergasted.
I said I’ve had 5 years of ‘THIS’ and you can’t see how you’ve behaved and the effect it’s had on this house?
I had to walk away.
So I wrote him a letter last sunday ,printed it off and gave it to him.
I said how hurt I was that our relationship had broken down, how I would have never believed a mother could not want a relationship with her child but I was that mother, How I’d cried, cried in his face and he laughed at me telling me weed is ok and it’s not addictive, lost sleep, lay awake worrying till i heard his car pull up, worried he’ll get caught and his future will be jeopardized, begged him to stop, spied on him to try and keep him safe – and he carried on smoking weed like cigarettes, driving while stoned, then occasionally ‘popping’ acid as he told his ex girlfriend.
I told him he had never once apologised for his behaviour and we had helped him with so much – I gave him an example of his dad repairing his car, paying for new tyres, exhausts and the minute his car was roadworthy he was off out till all hours smoking weed. no money to pay for the parts but £120 on weed.
I told him his friends weren’t friends and the only thing they had in common was smoking weed – I said look at them, what do you do with them? Nothing, you don’t socialise other than smoke weed in each others cars.
I admitted I had probably handled it wrong but had to be hard and cut ties as he was making me ill. I didn’t want it to be a witch hunt and all the blame on him.
He read it and told me I was deranged – this is after he said he wants to get clean and start afresh.
During this week he’s ‘towed’ the line. BUT he’s done this before with his last girlfriend he started smoking after a few weeks of being with her and then started the rollercoaster of him treating her like he did us – lying etc.
He wants us to meet his new girlfriend; he’s met her parents. We have decided to go for a meal with my daughter and her boyfriend this weekend.
I so want him to get clean and live a ‘Normal’ life but the deceit and hurt he’s caused makes my blood boil. I’m still angry and am waiting for him to go back to his old ways.
I should be pleased but he’s let me down so many times.
Let’s see how long it lasts.
Love to you all xxx
Hi nanny ger
I totally get it.
I feel like i’m a hamster on a wheel, going round and round. The constant cycle of lies, debt, weed, worry, arguments, broken promises.
I am ready to cut ties with him as he’s costing me my marriage, health, life. I need to try to get on with my life. Asa mother I will never stop worrying or thinking about him. BUT I have to remember he doesn’t return the concern or love, I also have to remember it’s the weed and not him.
I found a considerable stash in his car at the weekend along with seeds – I showed my husband who was concerned but says leave him till he’s completed his university then we’ll address it.
I too have confided in my 2 close friends, work colleagues are unaware – they think we are perfect 2.4 family. On the surface we are inside it’s a mess.
Good luck to everyone on here and we have the strength to carry on.
It helps to type on here and vent.
Hi Februarymarie
I have contacted to arrange counselling for myself – I am in the 5th year of this and it’s now taking it’s toll on me.
We had a ‘chat’ with my son at lunch time before he left for work. My husband called it; said he has to stop smoking and driving otherwise he’ll take his car off him. My husband said the police have only got to see you with a light out or something and pull you over. Weed is in your system for days and you smoke every day. He just stands there listening then gets defensive, then ‘arsey’ and walks off.
I said don’t you want to stop and live a normal life – then he shouts at me, never his Dad!!
He has now lost 2 house keys and we won’t give him another. I said maybe he’ll come back at a decent hour – no luck; went out yesterday at 1.30pm came back at 2.30am!
I just want him to pass his degree then I have leverage to say do something or leave.
Not what I want to do but I cannot live like this any longer xxx
Thanks
I will contact them.
I paid for private counselling sessions for him. He attended 2, I looked on his phone while he was asleep and he messaged his friend after the first session saying, “That’s an hour of my life I won’t get back”
But I feel I need something as I’m just going through the motions.
M
x
Februarymarie
I have become the bad cop as I have now reached the point whereby I don’t want him in my life any more.
As a mother that’s awful but I have faced facts he’s an addict, he is selfish, he has no thought for his family home and I don’t want this for the rest of my life.
I want to live and enjoy my life. Instead we have a pattern of lying, coming home late, debt, mixing with the wrong crowd.
My husband is still trying to see the good in him and this is causing conflict.
Thanks for your support
M
x
We are all from different backgrounds, our stories are different but there is a common thread that runs through our stories.
M
x