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Oh that must be so worrying for you. How are you coping ? He is accepting help so that must mean he accepts his problem and wants to change. I know with my husband he swings from wanting to change to normalising his drinking. He won’t talk to anyone about it though. Refuses completely. I hope the counselling is helping
So sorry to hear your awful situation
You need to know that you are not responsible or to blame in any way for his actions. It’s his decision to drink and sounds like he had help which is highly likely he understood the risks and he choose to handle it himself. You cannot take the action yourself. That was down to him. Not the milkman or anyone else
I have a husband who is alive but drunk much of the time. I have asked myself so many times if he can possibly love me He promises me change but within a day he’s decided to drink again. He lies about how he got the drink how much he’s and will swear on anything and everything until the evidence is before him. I can see the shame on his face and I know deep down he is struggling. I feel he does love me. The pull of the alcohol is stronger. I know if he had a health scare he would stop initially but I strongly believe is wouldn’t be long before he started again.
He’s not physically addicted but it’s got him mentally and emotionally
I’m certain you did all you could. An alcoholic has to help themselves and only when they truly want to
Be helped will help actually work. Please read some posts on here and try and contact Icarus trust and you’ll see many sad stories which back you upx
Brilliant he’s taken the first step! Hes taken action that’s great. No it won’t be easy but your at least on the road. I have had contact with Icarus and arranged a call this week I’m sure will be the same for you.
Had talk with husband at weekend. Managed to have a bit of a conversation which has resulted in new promise to cut down. I should be happy but I find it sad that he thinks willpower will allow him to drink like normal people. We’ve been here a million times and I’ve congratulated him on one day. There is life behind the eyes today. I’m now waiting for day he tells me he’s hasnt drunk and it’s obvious he has. Seeing his struggle hurts me so much. I feel guilty for not feeling optimistic. Perhaps I’ll get help in my phone call
Please keep posting. It helps immensely!
I think you’re doing the right this by telling sister even if it just allows you not to bear it all on your shoulders. You Have to look after you too As you said you can’t go on as it is. My husband can’t really see why it should affect me. He denys he’s any different I never know who I’m going to get. He had no dreams or desires for future he lives entirely in the moment. He is completely occupied by drink. I truly believe there is no event that’s led to this, drinking has increased over time and it’s just comfortable. I can’t fix it. Just As you said will face to do it himself and he doesn’t want too. I have had an introduction email from Icarus. Hope they are able to find you support. Will be happy to listen as well
I have made sure others are aware
It felt like betrayal at first but my family know and I contacted his brother. In an argument one time I decided I wasn’t going to make excuses for him. That’s as far as it’s gone. I have threatened to contact his work. Didn’t see it through I have withheld it from him controlling money that didn’t work, I have given him as much as he wants thinking that he would make himself feel awful that doesn’t work either – he will drink all day and still continue the next. The thing that frustrates me the most is that he now refuses to discuss it at all Shuts conversation down completely. I’ve explained how unreasonable that is given we share a life and it affects me I supposed we’ve been round and round and there is little more I can add Do you still have any discussions about what’s going on on his head ?
So many things I recognise there. I’ve tried so many things. I got him to a referral but he lied about amount pointless if heart wasnt in it. I doubt he’ll go again as wasn’t good experience Threatened to leave but he’d try hard for a day or so and then I’d suspect he’d drunk anyway. If I leave ( he won’t ) I’ll hurt myself more than him I think. He’d go downhill too. I find it frustrating that I cannot influence him one bit. In fact my success in recovery makes him more defiant We had couples counselling years ago. So I’m waiting for something to happen that gives him a shove. Our life is on hold until then
How much does he drink? It’s obviously too much but my husband seems to think it’s sustainable (I believe ) to drink 2 or 3 bottles wine a day. Swings from admitting he needs to do something to saying he just needs to cut down a bit. He never misses work but he smells of it I think work must know but he is reliable and hard working. At weekend he will start at 7am if it’s in the house He hasn’t been drink free since Christmas I’m
Same. Partner is a
Sweet gentle person but he gets on my nerves when he’s drunk
He is going to have a stroke or something. How long has your partner been like he is ?
Hi John.
I stopped 3 years ago. Like you I was on path to destruction. There was no reason Good life. Job I enjoyed getting by happy relationship
I was addicted and couldn’t stop. For me it was chasing that buzz of a drink and if I couldn’t have it I was missing out. Couldn’t have just one, once started would drink until passed out or ran out.
I got hello via GP. Once I saw that there wasn’t a bad thing in my past it was just how I’m made. I went a few times. Gave me the insight in what I needed to do to fix it. I put it off for too long. It’s not easy but it’s better than my previous existence and I am at least well and don’t hate myself anymore. Good luck
Just reading about other people’s experiences is useful. You’ve said several things that I can relate too. I can talk to him one day and I can feel certain that he realises he has to do something the next day he’s drinking and says he didn’t say what he said. I find hidden empty bottles everywhere. He lies about when and how much he’s drunk. He had 3 bottles of wine yesterday. After 2 we went to a BBQ. He said he would have a beer. I caught him drinking port out of bottle from where drink was kept. He said he was getting a beer. He had port on his t shirt. He’s not violent or aggressive but he is half cut all of the time and quiet as a mouse and withdrawn when he can’t get it. I’ve taken control of money before but he will steal it if he has too. I now make sure he has money or he will end up with a criminal conviction and no job
This is it exactly! What to do next. If I leave I put myself in threat and could end up losing everything. He will not leave as he doesn’t recognise a significant problem. We muddle on. I swing from enabling him to threats and arguing. It’s like ground hog day. He will eventually make himself ill. Is that what I’m waiting for?
I had same experience from NHS recommended support centre. My had downplayed the amount he drunk (as he always does) but it was still a significant amount, daily and sustained over months. The suggestion was that they had seen far worse and that he wasn’t physically dependent. He’s taken this as he is fine to continue. I now cannot get him to get help. I know unless I leave he won’t do anything about it. He won’t leave. It would have to be me. I’m so unhappy with the message that he got from so called help.
Your story is so sad. It must be hard as your girls are involved. Please keep looking into support for you I’m new to site today. I can’t offer any tried and tested help but like you I am looking to get support as I have no idea what the next step should be for me. Thank you for posting your story.
That is so sad I can relate. I’ve been with him over 20 years. Drink has destroyed trust due to lies he tells. I know I mean a lot to him but he would let me go before he gave it up I’m sure. He keeps saying he will sort it out. Sad he genuinely still believes he can. I dont understand how he can’t realise that he can’t. He’s failed so many times.
Glad I’ve found I’m not alone too. I’ve contacted icuris Thanks for posting
Thank you. I am in same position. I have added complication of being in recovery myself of 3 years. I am frustrated that he is in denial despite drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a day
I just cannot convince him to take action since I did get him to attend an NHS recommended centre that were not at all helpful.