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Hi tammy, sorry to hear you have nobody to talk to. Can you not ask them about swapping your support worker for a female considering your needs?
Have been to a family’s group a while back but then he stopped doing it for some time. I don’t know what had triggered it now it’s been on and off the last couple of years. I am ok generally keep busy with work etc but so sad for him it’s not the life I planned though, as I don’t do anything like this. He has never been to the group but I keep reading on the posts on here about these online zoom groups and I think if he was serious about stopping he would log on to one of those but he doesn’t think there’s anything they can do that would help.
I know how you feel we have been through that before, I hope he can do the right thing. My husband did 5 days clean (thats REALLY good for him) and then put him self in a silly situation, got tempted and did it again, back to square one. So disappointed. I had a good day at work though so at least it didn’t ruin my whole day.
Well he will take it on his own but the pub increases the temptation and also encourages him to think it’s fun because he’s out socialising at the same time. So for me it gives me anxiety if he’s just popping for a pint as I know what it can lead to.
I’m glad you husband had a chat with him, at least he is answering the phone and not totally avoiding contact. You are doing well keeping that communication going with him. Maybe he could get into photography or something if he likes being outdoors? As he could do that on a daily exercise at the moment if his back doesn’t trouble him walking.
For me I’m more dreading the lockdown lifting with the pubs opening as that makes it easier for him buying and taking cocaine as they aren’t very on top it.
That’s terrible that the gp won’t help if someone has mental health problems, mental health problems probably contribute to a lot of people turning to substances. How can they turn their back on people like that.
Well done for doing all those months clean. I hope you are back on the right track again.
Was thinking of you, and hope you have a better day today .
Yes from what I am reading it’s a long journey if you stay with them or not.
Well Im watching a show on Amazon prime called neurosciences of addiction and it’s talking about changes in the brain etc so I think it’s more powerful than we know. I know what you mean why can’t they just shake out of it and put us first but it is like other illness and their body tricks them to think they need this.
I’m glad you are starting to think of yourself. Whether he is there or not you have still got to live and make your life the best you can.
I hope you have a nice relaxing bath, and i think you should try to make the time to do this once a week, see if you can make time for yourself it will help you to feel better about yourself. We can’t fix them but we can work on ourselves.
Yes he is having a few good days at the moment but of course I am on guard as we have been through it all before and he has a lot of temptations. For him it wasn’t hotels it’s was friends houses with house parties, i had to tell him I couldn’t tolerate anymore of that and I meant it I really wasn’t going to stick around while he did that, he had to tell his friends I didn’t want him going so of course they thought I’m boring and nagging. But he still has the problem of doing it day to day hanging out with friends and even doing it on his own if I’m at work. I have been doing a lot of reading up on it and accepting it as a disease we are going to work on treating it as that, which means taking it seriously and being open about it. Such as why he does it and what else he could be spending the time doing.
I am actually having a couple of drinks myself. It doesn’t remind me of him because I will just have a couple, if it was illegal or if someone really wanted me to stop I wouldn’t be doing it. I think I’m going to paint my nails also soon as that’s something I like to do and it makes me feel nice. Have a think if you can about what it is you enjoy? Of course you are longing for him to return but also your a person and what else would make you happy? You can’t really expect for him to bring you happiness in this state at the moment but you can do it for yourself.
Yes I have had all the broken promises it does break your heart but you are strong you can get through this. You have put up with so much already.
It’s easier to chat to a stranger about it because your family and friend have expectations of them and also feel disappointed when they find out. Your not responsible though if his parents find out and are upset as he is doing this not you.
He’s not in his right mind at the moment so he wouldn’t even be thinking what it would be like if you weren’t there. As far as I know you can only really have a talk about it when they’re not on it and when they aren’t on a terrible come down. If you can catch him sober at all then you could explain what this is all doing to you and your family.
Maybe if you don’t feel comfortable yet telling them what’s going on you could word it that he hasn’t been feeling too well and see if they can help at all? If they were around or if they speak to him they might realise how bad it is. Yes I understand your concern of breaking their heart but I guess if you leave eventually they will find it all out anyway but it would be too late for them to help then.
Did u think of anything nice to do for yourself, you are worth treating yourself and hope that you can realise this.
Is there anything else going on? I know my husband was terrible for staying out all night when he was grieving a very close relative. No matter what I tried I couldn’t help. They need to learn better coping strategies when they are stressed.
Yes he’s just saying something simple as he’s probably already made his mind up what he’s doing tonight. do u have anywhere else you can stay so that your not just sitting there waiting for the time he decides he’s going to turn up home. I just think it sounds like he knows you will always be there.
No of course you can’t stop thinking about the man you love. But at the moment he probably isn’t capable of feeling any sympathy.
Is there anything nice you can do for your self tonight? get a takeaway or dye your hair, do your nails something that is just for you?