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Are they any support groups he could join Online? I can imagine it would get a bit much for you to keep going with everything that’s going on and I hope you are taking care of yourself aswell. Can you maybe keep in touch by video call would be easier than visiting and you might be able to gauge the situation better on a video than a call. If he was buying a house and had a job this sounds like he was doing well before, but with the way the last year has gone it has been tough.
it sounds like he could do with some support nearer by as being so far away its even easier for him to hide his situation from you. Surely if the water company are made aware of his situation they should be able to come up with some kind of monthly payment plan.maybe you could help in this kind of way helping him to get organised rather than financially .it is sad that there isn’t more support available and also sad that any support that is possible gives up on people so easily when it’s people who are who are struggling.
Yes I think that’s the hardest part when you first discover what they have been doing that you feel like there’s something wrong with you, that it’s your fault and you worry what people will think even though it’s nothing we are doing we somehow straight away blame ourselves and then funny enough as soon as you confront them they also try to put the blame on you- this is another thing that I have learnt is very typical of an addict. One thing to bear in mind as that we don’t know what all these perfect families may secretly be going through, all these ‘real’ husbands and fathers could be upto anything behind closed doors- as you know people don’t speak out about most things for fear of embarrassment and what will people think. Also maybe in future years when you are getting your life back together from all of this could you make people closer to your aware of how you feel having received nothing for mother’s day maybe a friend/family member will step in and help your little ones make a card or buy a little something. Or another thing maybe just make the day special for yourself, arrange something for the day with them and tell them it’s for Mother’s Day, make yourself feel special and important as you are just because he hadn’t appreciated you, you deserve to enjoy to day and you don’t need him to do that.
Thinking of you, not only for your loss but for having to live like this for 32 years, you must have gone through so much. You deserve some happiness now after all these years, maybe there are things you missed out on can you make up for lost time. I imagine you haven’t had much time to even consider yourself with looking after him aswell as two children, I hope you can get a new beginning as others have suggested.
Sorry to hear you have been going through this. I hope that your son is ok. If you loan him cash it might be too tempting for him to spend on the wrong things, maybe you could pay the bill he needs paying or buy what it is he needs money for. Is he entitled to benefits now he’s unemployed maybe you could help him filling in an application if he hasn’t done that. He’s lucky to have you looking out for him.
That’s what I wonder if he was ever who I thought he was or if it has all been a lie, as the lies do get so much bigger and more convincing until eventually when you find out what’s going on. I find it difficult when I look back and realise how many problems have been down to this addiction, especially when I read all these posts and its almost identical to my situation. It’s unbelievable how it can poison so many lives. I have seen someone on another post who is in recovery and regrets his actions but I don’t know whether this is possible for everyone, as some people seem to take e drugs to escape other issues that won’t just go away whereas surely the ones who do it for ‘fun’ in a social sense can get out of this life if they stop socialising in this way.
That’s what I hear everyone does it. I say no they don’t lots of people I know don’t do it. But then I start wondering actually if many people I know do it because he did so well to hide it from me for so long that how would I actually know if people I don’t even live with are doing it and just haven’t told me.
That’s what I hear everyone does it. I say no they don’t lots of people I know don’t do it. But then I start wondering actually if many people I know do it because he did so well to hide it from me for so long that how would I actually know if people I don’t even live with are doing it and just haven’t told me.
I’m glad you seem to be having a better day today. You are not silly, you sound kind and committed. What i find difficult is for me I wouldn’t like someone else to tell me what to do and guidance on everything but when someone makes these choices they seem to need someone else to be there all the time for guidance otherwise someone else comes along and gives them bad advice/options.
Hi. I wonder if you could tell me when you say smelled do you mean just unwashed body smell or is there another smell people smell of specifically when they have been taking this? Thank you
I just read the comments on this and I even though the way you get treated makes you feel so alone it is actually exactly what so many are going through. I knew that other people must be in similar situations but to read you story it’s shocking how alike it is to my own experience. It is nice to know I’m not alone but also sad to hear of someone going through this horrible circumstance. I think it is good you have seen danman comments as it is so hard to think rationally in this situation and when we love someone it’s easier to make excuse for them and try to make it better. It’s so true you have to start thinking of yourself. I find that shouting or getting angry doesn’t work as someone doesn’t feel any sympathy with your upset when they take this. However I hope that you talked it through with your husband and got some answers.
I don’t know about recovery as I’m at the same point as you where I feel let down by him and don’t know whether he will ever get the help he needs. I also feel exactly that I’m not sure I know him anymore. But no I don’t think people actually become cruel etc as at times my husband has managed to not take any cocaine for a while and he’s exactly back to his old self and then people he knows will actually tempt him to take some as it’s a big joke to them. It is a very powerful substance and they don’t know how to resist it, the changes in him aren’t deliberate to you it’s his brain/body. It’s not an excuse but everyone thinks it won’t happen to them and this is how it gets so bad.
I wanted to say thank you for being brave to write this all down as I had a google of my situation and your post came up. All of this has made me feel very lonely and this is the first time I have read of other people going through exactly the same as me, now it doesn’t feel so lonely.