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It definitely is the hardest thing to try to take care of yours, theirs and the children’s well-being especially when you are doing it all on your own.x
It most certainly is an illness, and it should have the funding and research put into it like other illnesses do as even with the most determination it’s still so hard for people to manage.
I’m glad you have your daughter there with you. Will be thinking of you both.
Thanks kate, I’ve tried the tough love and the support as you mentioned but people will do their own thing anyway. It’s just hard to make any sense out of it. I feel like nothing is ever as it seems when someone says one thing and you never really know what they are thinking .
I’m sure you needed the sleep but don’t hide away it sounds like you have a lot of good to give in the world people are going to need your advice. Have you got people around you to support you?
He says he does want to stop but as you know all too well it’s like dealing with two different people. So then sometimes will get the other side where he’s done it and then I get accused of being controlling and wanting to tell him what to do because I’m upset that he’s done it again.
I really don’t know how he can distance himself well enough from that lifestyle, over half of the people at his work place do it. So even if he tried going out making new friends at work it would constantly be there.
All of his friends are into it in someway and one of their friends also took his own life as he was in so much debt and didn’t know how to stop. all the friends know that was the reason it happened and that hasn’t put any of his friends off taking it still, it’s so sad.
Sorry for your loss Kate and I also hope that you can help some people with your story.
My husband has always smoked cannabis since I’ve known him over 10 years. When I met him I didn’t know but he told me a few weeks in. It wasn’t something I worried about i just thought Its to not to do with me and I knew lots of people did it, I thought it was something people did to enjoy. However over the years I’ve learned that it is something he’s used to deal with stress so as times gone on he’s been trying other things for the same purpose cocaine, MDMA and now alcohol. Now every day he smokes cannabis and can drink more than what I would say is a reasonable amount and cocaine almost every day. If you are at an early stage and you think you can help it might be worth seeing if you can get any help for the root cause of it, would he be open to trying counselling or meditation for whatever stresses or anxieties he is self medicating for. If I could turn back time that’s what I would have tried before it got so bad with my husband.
I think it’s probably sensible that you don’t want to leave your child there alone.
It is hard things to talk with friends about but you can always come on here and someone will listen.
Thanks for sharing James. I think we all have feelings of regret when we lose someone. We all feel we could have done more but that time has passed and now we have to work towards the future . It’s good to put your feelings into words to let it all out.
Yes that’s true, it’s funny how there’s so many drugs that come from abroad in the country which when all the borders were shut or should have been very minimal access yet there isn’t any shortage of supply, how strange.
For us, I feel we don’t have any normal life now some days everything revolves either he’s doing it or done it and all the fun and happiness has been lost. I’m absolutely gutted. I don’t really know where to go from here to be honest. We’re both living here but it isn’t the same, it’s not really a life together.
I’m trying to hold all the pieces together day to day. and his day to day is just trying to make sure he can get hold of something, he goes to work but any leisure time is taken up with his habits. Then either arguing because he’s done it or because he can’t get hold of anything. So heart broken.
I’m glad that you know what went wrong that time. You did great going through all New Year’s Eve etc and resisting any temptations. I know how easy it is for someone to blame any occasion as an excuse to do it.
The urges sound so strong, I’m amazed by now they haven’t came up with any kind of medication that can be given to someone to overcome these urges.
You should be proud all the work your putting in.
I forgot about the shared accommodation, maybe for now you could start small grow some basil or oregano, tomato plant on a window ledge. Gardening can be very calming and healing.
Hi you are not alone. I feel like this sometimes. My husband is a cocaine addict and so are all of his friends and any members of his family that he bothers to stay in touch with. Also one of my siblings is a cocaine addict, with an occasional heroin habit. Sometimes I feel like I’m just surrounded by people on drugs but I have to remember there are other people, my other siblings are not addicted to drugs. it helps to talk but I understand you not wanting to talk to friends, I was so embarrassed or nervous when I found this forum (hence the name choice lol) but as you look through the posts you see whatever you are going through there are always other people experiencing the same. You don’t have to feel alone and you definitely aren’t the only one whatever your situation.
Lol I’m So glad I’m not the only one who questioned if their partner is secretly gay. I have asked mine that also as there doesn’t appear to be anything obvious that he’s running or trying to escape from. I know lots of people with addictions have been through a lot of trauma but he had a good upbringing and his family are so involved and always help him out.
I thought is he gay or is he having an affair as all the secretive behaviour.
I appreciate that everyone is on their own journey so I am happy for him to have done any time clean. He has came a long way since this time last year so there is definitely progress but i know that while he should be glad of what he has done he has to keep on pushing if he wants to go further.
For yourself is there any reason you have identified why it went better at the beginning of the year than in May? It’s shocking how the brain can trick you even after months. I hope that you’ve got some better coping strategies in place if the same scenario comes up that put you in that position.
We will all be praying for you anyway, we appreciate you coming on here replying to us, it’s lovely to hear how you said about trying to live a better life, it sounds really good for you and it is definitely the little things that makes all the difference. It’s wonderful that you now appreciate a lovely walk in the fresh air and i enjoy reading your stories . Have you thought of gardening? it’s always a sense of satisfaction to know my effort helped the flowers grow and keeps me busy checking on them.
O no of course I don’t want anyone to hold on to any resentments, that wouldn’t be healthy. I would see you as one of the people who recognises and doesn’t hide from their mistakes but also you obviously want to use this as a learning tool to know you can do better and build a better life, that’s how you come across anyway. I’m just wondering are there more people like you? As all i seem to see more recently is people just giving in with it and thinking there isn’t any way out. It’s just when people are bad on it and in the moment they seem to only have short moments of realising what they are doing and such a short memory to be able to go straight back in to it a few days later. 2 months WELL DONE, knew you could get back on the right patch . Also just to say my husband has managed a two day gap, I know he has a long way to go but I’m proud of him for among the effort.
Sorry to hear your having such a hard time. Can you get any help carers or anything in for your dad? Will social services not help considering there’s several vulnerable adults there. It’s nice that you want to help but with your own issues it sounds like it might be too much and you probably need to get someone else in to take the pressure off you and focus on getting some help for your own problems. Do you think your mothers tougher on you because she knows you are capable of sorting yourself out whereas she sees your brother as beyond help so just leaves him to it.
That sounds nice about the group things, I wish he would find some friends who had healthy hobbies, it’s sad the time and money him and all of his friends have wasted. It didn’t work out with the zoom yet, it’s like he went forward a tiny step and took a huge step back.
Do many older people look back and realise the years they have wasted and make their life better or do most people just carry on doing it until they die?
How has your week been? Have you done well?