[patrick1000]

It’s OK ask whatever you like. Tbh I just googled a lot to do with addiction and use I can’t tell you specifically. I often find myself reading up about it. I also have phoned talk to Frank before now and Cocaine Anonymous and talked to people there. It’s a hard habit to kick, I can understand how you feel about your boyfriend it isn’t easy I’m sure in your position. But if your boyfriend really wants to quit there can be light at the end of the tunnel. I am not long term clean yet but I have turned things around a lot from last year when I was really bad. My use is less now and I have more periods of abstinence but I have struggled to knock it on the head completely, though I am on way now. Biggest thing I did recently is give my cards to my mother and she draws my money out for me so I can’t access cash for drugs. Without my family and girlfriend support I don’t think I would have gotten out of the hole I was in last year. Your boyfriend needs to admit he has a problem, but also, he needs to understand the underlying problems to his addiction. I know loads of people, too many who use and of my main group of friends who will use recreationally I am the only one who has fallen to desperate depths of addiction, then I am also the only one who has mental health issues. I think under most addicts there are mental health issues and the drug only polarise’s that. I am glad I am not as bad as I was but I need one final push to get off for good. I went a good 2 months this year so know I can stay sober if I really try. I wrote down all my triggers on my phone in word, I wrote all the negatives and every reason I don’t want to take it, I keep a running tally on that page every day that I have not used, I set myself small targets to go a week, 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months and aim for that. I am only at 6 days at the moment but determined to make it to 3 months. Anything you want to know just ask I am open about things.

[patrick1000]

I feel I can get control of it now, more so than any other time. I am using less in amount and not as frequent as last year but I am an addict and I behave like an addict and I admit to that. My relationship with substance is bad overall, even with weed it would never be one joint it would be 5 or 6. With coke I can’t just do a couple of lines I have to do it all and given the chance I probably won’t stop. The same with prescription meds I will just hammer them if I am in the wrong headspace, benzo’s cocodamol, morphine whatever I can get my hands on, even alcohol I try to avoid as 9 times out of 10 I drink I just abuse it to get intoxicated. At the moment my depression has lifted as I am on new meds but that is even more worrying as I feel I am simply enacting a choice to do coke lately it’s not even to self med. I don’t like so much about cocaine but living a condition where your brain speeds up on it’s own sometimes stimulants recreate that somewhat and remind me of the parts I enjoy about mania. But then coke doesn’t even compare to the experience of euphoria and elation you get from a manic episode. But then I remind myself I have experienced psychosis before just being off my medication and using drugs only further risks my mental health.

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