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Im thinking about the councelling..im a Health Service Executive office worker, its the Irish version of the health board, and there is free counselling for a total of 5 sessions i think with a HSE therapist. Youre right about the mornings, i need to find something better to motivate me and just replace my unhealthy routine. It should focus more on health and wellbeing, like the music in the kitchen or exercise. Its gotten so ridiculous for me, i just care about using first thing, i get coffee later at work and plenty of times i leave the house without breakfast. Then when i get a cramp or feel a little nauseous, i know its the pills and its only then that i think of the harm they are probably doing, and i get scared. But once that fear goes away and i feel ok, im back to not thinking about it and using again straight after work. Ive stopped short of using at work; there have been only a few occasions where I’ve brought them in but apart from the nurofen plus, its not as easy to take effervescent Solpadine’s inconspicuously. I just want to feel stronger and that ive achieved this great thing; to quit using. When i quit last year i remember feeling proud of myself. Then making this conscious decision to just go back on them, it was the worst mistake. I fooled myself by giving myself terms and conditions; i wouldn’t use every day, id only use once a day, the packets would have to last three weeks or that was it; i had to quit again. I actually fooled myself into thinking i could stick to that. Such bs..went back on them and was worse than ever, using everyday, addicted again, packets not even lasting a week. Anyway..i will do it, and this time i hope to never look back..thanks for your support RachBN 🙂
Thanks Maggie 🙂 just talking about it here with people who completely understand is comforting. I think the GP is something i have to do as its basically making a reality of things..just having to admit it will make me confront something that ive normalized. Its only when you admit it to someone you realise that its a bigger deal than i ever wanted to make it. It has become such a routine that i use without thinking twice about it; its just something i do thats as compulsory to me as my morning cup of coffee or brushing my teeth. I remember when i first started, it was so illicit to me; i would think: what are you doing, using painkillers when you have no pain? this is so wrong! then i got a little thrill out of buying them and leaving the pharmacy thinking i got away with something, that they had no idea what i was really up to. Now, its just pure shame buying them..every pharmacy in town and the little village pharmacies where i live (Im from Ireland) all know full well that i must have an addiction. I can barely look them in the eye when i go in as they know what im going to ask for before i open my mouth. A pharmacist in one of them recently just gave me this little smirk and said: ‘Im sorry, we’re out of them’. I knew i couldn’t go back to there again after that. That was her way of saying: ‘Im sick of you coming in here and I’m not selling you nurofen plus anymore’. So thats another reason to quit as well, top of the list being my health, but the shame of buying them is another good reason. Thanks for the support 🙂
Thank you 🙂 thats great you have three weeks free, it can only get better after that. I feel like that too about music, i go through phases with it but would not describe myself as a music lover either, but doing these breathing techniques with that therapy type spa music i got off YouTube. I feel like im making steps to quit at both the best and worst possible time..i could easily use to ease the pain but i know that the pills dont really ease anything, they’re just adding to my problems. Anyway, there will never be a ‘good’ time to quit, i just have to do it.
Thanks RachBN, I really appreciate it 🙂