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Bump22 ‘I hate saying this but maybe others feel the same but with or without drugs my son is selfish.’
That, I have come to the conclusion, is actually the root cause of addiction. They want it so they are going to take it, whether it be drugs or alcohol. They choose it time and time again over everything. My son isn’t just selfish, he is a full blown narcissist who has left a wake of destruction in his path. I too dislike my son. He has had issues with drugs for over 25 years now. He has had so many opportunities to turn this around. For example he recently bought a car, he somehow got £10,000 from somewhere to buy it, he said he needed a reward for himself for staying clean for just four weeks, he didn’t spend a penny on back maintenance, clear his mortgage debt etc or book into a rehab, he bought a car that he wasn’t permitted to drive which has now been taken off him by the police and blames everyone else, I am just thankful that he didn’t kill anyone in that car.
I have a friend who is a psychiatrist who once said to me, ‘Penny you smoke (I don’t anymore) nicotine addiction is one of the hardest habits to break, nobody says you have an illness or treats you with kid gloves, they tell you to stop and offer alternatives to help you stop. Drug and alcohol abuse ultimately come down to choice and will power.’
I have banked that as when I stood back and extricated myself from the emotion, ultimately it has always been about his choice to do what he wants when he wants. He could stay clean if he just continued with the support networks I found for him. He chooses not to.
As a child of addicts I knew to be very careful around any substance and chose not to ever use alcohol or drugs to numb and faced into all my problems over the years. It was hard, but having had children myself I knew what that would have meant for them. I think my psych friend who practises in another country is probably spot on with his attitude. He maintains tough love works better and has shown me case studies that prove that is is more successful.
Lots of people have had terrible upbringings or had awful things happen to them, they are not all addicts, the ones that are seem to have played victim their whole lives long before any addictive behaviours came to the fore and maybe the key is to intervene when they are young and stop the self absorption before that becomes the excuse to drink or take drugs.
Bump22 ‘I hate saying this but maybe others feel the same but with or without drugs my son is selfish.’
That, I have come to the conclusion, is actually the root cause of addiction. They want it so they are going to take it, whether it be drugs or alcohol. They choose it time and time again over everything. My son isn’t just selfish, he is a full blown narcissist who has left a wake of destruction in his path. I too dislike my son. He has had issues with drugs for over 25 years now. He has had so many opportunities to turn this around. For example he recently bought a car, he somehow got £10,000 from somewhere to buy it, he said he needed a reward for himself for staying clean for just four weeks, he didn’t spend a penny on back maintenance, clear his mortgage debt etc or book into a rehab, he bought a car that he wasn’t permitted to drive which has now been taken off him by the police and blames everyone else, I am just thankful that he didn’t kill anyone in that car.
I have a friend who is a psychiatrist who once said to me, ‘Penny you smoke (I don’t anymore) nicotine addiction is one of the hardest habits to break, nobody says you have an illness or treats you with kid gloves, they tell you to stop and offer alternatives to help you stop. Drug and alcohol abuse ultimately come down to choice and will power.’ I have banked that as when I stood back and extricated myself from the emotion, ultimately it has always been about his choice to do what he wants when he wants. He could stay clean if he just continued with the support networks I found for him. He chooses not to.