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That’s how I thought too about mine – built everything together and he’s managed to tear into it without a second thought . When I first found out about his addiction I checked my other Half’s phone in secret and the number of times he commented on msgs to his coke head friends about sitting doing “ sniff” alone I couldn’t get my head around the fact this was the same person I was married to. He told a friend he caused an argument with me one night on purpose so he could be left alone to sort himself out with a party for one . I will never forgot them messages they shattered my heart and I wondered if I ever knew the real him . Not in a million years did I think this sort of challenge would come to our door and that’s why you struggle accepting – I completely get it . You do well to get him to test , asked mine in last few days ( as some security and peace of mind we are moving forward ) he agreed but then get defensive and starts saying he look bad because He’s so tired from Over working, the twists and turns of a trapped rat that normally adds up to .
I know it’s hard and this crap fills our headspace everyday but take some time for yourself , think about the future A little ( no matter how much it stings) think about your boy and how much you adore and love him – he’s your world away from this chaos . If anything through all this trouble my husband has caused it’s made me a better mummy in ways even when I’m stressed and on edge from the flare ups . I won’t let his choices beat me and my right to enjoy my kids and then secondly my own life.
I think that not every one is like my OH , there’s alot of them but not everyone – he wasn’t once upon a time hod knows what entered his head when this started .
We’ve been dealt a bad hand of cards – but will we get through it , gritted teeth- your doing good xxx
I know this probably won’t make you feel any better but your son would rather have his mummy for his birthday any day of the year rather than any toys etc. I know kids revolve around that but he has his mum and that’s the main thing – don’t be hard on yourself xxx
Helloo both , isn’t it pants 🙁 sending you both a hug too – it’s ok this will
Work out one way or another xx
I’m not so confident over mine last couple of days I’ve seen bits that concern me – the old usual habits , staying out working till I’ve gone to bed , visited a petrol station 2 mins from dealers house yet there’s about 10 of the things from where we live to This drug Den. Just fills me full of anger and feeling blind again . Luckily the support group I’m on levels me out and been able to function and carry on with “ normal “ daily life . I’ve buried the financial trouble for another day . But my gut is Im not keep
Tolerating this shite I’ve promised myself this , I’ve made enquires – have a sort of path if it all goes off. This year is the final year I’m struggling with Cocaine in our marriage , family . Enough is enough . Mine doesn’t know this or maybe thinks I don’t have the lady balls to see it through but he’s on his last chance saloon . If he doesn’t want to try – then he deals with it alone . Im not having my years with my little kids tainted by his choices . Ha just laughed at myself spellchecking this back – I’ll probably be in tears tonight . But today I’m strong so I’ll go with that . Keep in touch – keep talking , it’s nice we can relate xxx
Xx
I agree it would of been easier and I openly said that to mine . At least we would of known where we stood , done and chapter closed .. move on . Instead we are fighting against something completely out of reach . I hope you can sleep tonight. Try and switch off even if it’s a just for a little bit xx
I could if wrote that myself . I actually thought mine was cheating on me at first for a long while with all the secrecy and lies . It has taken me a long time to come to terms it was this because it was way down the list . I know it must be so tough but is there any peace for you with him not living with you at the minute ? X
Not at all , it’s a lonely place isn’t it . Even though it makes the situation harder I’m glad I have the kids to keep me focused – they keep me from falling apart . But then if they weren’t here I know I would of left a while back . We are currently dealing with the fallout of the spending on that $h)t . I’m so stressed , resentful and feel like a mushroom completely left in the dark . X
Have you got any support for yourself in all this ? Apart from the forum I mean x
Mine said he can do it on his own when I found out 18months ago , he and I have realised he can’t do it alone , he’s never been ready either after numerous relapses . Mine agreed to see a councillor and is currently one week clean . But I’m on pins because we’ve been here so many times . Can only take it a day at a time .Xx
Hiya, I’m really sorry Mammyessex, it’s heartbreaking isn’t it , the lies are immense – I think my other half believes his own lies sometimes – they go numb to it . I read sometimes the tests aren’t 100% though , if that gives you any peace . I don’t know …I always know with mine just the nose blowing , the tiny pieces of rolled up tissue in bed that appear overnight .
I imagine your really stressed right now , try to not get too wound up sending strength and a hug , know exactly how you feel xx
I do hope you get sorted as soon as .
I wrote earlier in the week and had right not to buy my husbands latest abstinence promise. Nearly every day at work , blames work but he’s always done this work for the last 10 years so it’s rubbish although I don’t doubt stress management is to do with it .
I recently told his parents as I’d been carrying this around alone since I found out. His mum is trying to support me and I’m forever grateful , his dad bless him is at a loss and doesn’t understand it ( generation thing I think ) .
Some days I feel switched off and exist through the day , I don’t have the energy to try and plan the future . Then some days I’m decisive and know I have to start planning more.
Some small part thinks is my actual husband going to return but reading the stories on here brings me back to reality- high chance not . I don’t ever want to look back and have my kids childhood tainted throughout because of their dads choices . He’s done that enough over last 2 years .
My OH is also approaching 40 and I never dreamt I would be having to deal with this sort of issues (drink and gambling spates with mine ) . Sending hugs to you all , I’m
Glad to see the sun today 🙂 x
Hi both 🙂
I am sorry to read that we are all in similar situations. It’s just horrendous isn’t it .
Completely relate to all the scenarios , moods , lies the lot – just devastates a relationship.
It’s like an imposter in our home – I’m playing detective constantly and holding the home life up . It’s so exhausting and not the life I ever envisioned i in think I’m still grieving for the past life and in shock what I’m having to tell with even though I’m 18mths in .
Mine says he’s quit again ( as of Monday) but I just don’t buy it I’m sad to say .
Don’t have a clue- I hope you manage to get out soon and begin to start your new chapter- your strong and it will be ok – don’t ever forget that .
You too mammy Essex – I think you should go and find yourself and again it’s going to be a bumpy ride but you will be ok , I think we all have children here and that’s what we need to focus on they deserve the best from their mummies – so we owe it to ourselves .
I’m existing here on the cycle but I’m looking at what I need to do if and when the final nail goes in- where we will go, selling up etc . I have to be realistic because like you said don’t have a clue sad matter is mine probably isn’t going to change either.
Sending hugs and strength – sorry can’t offer more advise , I’m still clawing my way through this mess here xx
Hello , B8988 I know it’s a long time since you posted your thread along with the other ladies but I’m googling at 5am in the morning with the exact same scenario on my hands at the minute . 18 months I’ve had my husband lying to me , uses everyday saying it’s work stress that causes it , then comes home disengaged with our two young boys and does nothing to help me around the house . Just watches me run myself into the ground in the same cycle . He’s recently gone to the NHS drugs program but I’ve seen absolutely no improvement , the lies are still coming . He’s spending around £900 a month on coke . I am so lonely , fed up and his addiction is tarnishing everyday of my life . I’m stressed around my kids constantly and everyday is another acting role . I see you ladies posted these in 2019 . How are you all now ? Where are you up to in life ? I’m looking for hope I guess – deep down I’m ready to pack in our marriage I think I can’t take much more x
I’m sorry you are going through this . And this is going to seem harsh what I say but as the poster above said – Run .. for the hills . You can’t build a future with someone who’s wrapped up in this and if you do the rapid ageing will be effecting you too .. you know you won’t be able to trust him and it sounds like he’s no where near the point of being himself get off the stuff or booze. Why put yourself through all that – you deserve so much more you don’t need to settle. Please consider – because if you get further down the line marriage and then kids – it gets really tricky and heartbreaking ( I know this ) much love , sending strength xxxx
I’m following your thread as again I’m of a similar story . But mine lies and lies until I actually find the stuff. I’m constantly on edge a d I’m so tired as o have two kids 5 and under. I’ve come to the realisation he’s never going to look after me as we get old. I no think
I may of mentally switched off to my husband now . I love him but not enough to keep taking every lie or drama he throws at me . Sending strength chuck . Xx