[purpleheart]

Xx

[purpleheart]

I agree it would of been easier and I openly said that to mine . At least we would of known where we stood , done and chapter closed .. move on . Instead we are fighting against something completely out of reach . I hope you can sleep tonight. Try and switch off even if it’s a just for a little bit xx

[purpleheart]

I could if wrote that myself . I actually thought mine was cheating on me at first for a long while with all the secrecy and lies . It has taken me a long time to come to terms it was this because it was way down the list . I know it must be so tough but is there any peace for you with him not living with you at the minute ? X

[purpleheart]

Not at all , it’s a lonely place isn’t it . Even though it makes the situation harder I’m glad I have the kids to keep me focused – they keep me from falling apart . But then if they weren’t here I know I would of left a while back . We are currently dealing with the fallout of the spending on that $h)t . I’m so stressed , resentful and feel like a mushroom completely left in the dark . X

[purpleheart]

Have you got any support for yourself in all this ? Apart from the forum I mean x

[purpleheart]

Mine said he can do it on his own when I found out 18months ago , he and I have realised he can’t do it alone , he’s never been ready either after numerous relapses . Mine agreed to see a councillor and is currently one week clean . But I’m on pins because we’ve been here so many times . Can only take it a day at a time .Xx

[purpleheart]

Hiya, I’m really sorry Mammyessex, it’s heartbreaking isn’t it , the lies are immense – I think my other half believes his own lies sometimes – they go numb to it . I read sometimes the tests aren’t 100% though , if that gives you any peace . I don’t know …I always know with mine just the nose blowing , the tiny pieces of rolled up tissue in bed that appear overnight .

I imagine your really stressed right now , try to not get too wound up sending strength and a hug , know exactly how you feel xx

[purpleheart]

I do hope you get sorted as soon as .

I wrote earlier in the week and had right not to buy my husbands latest abstinence promise. Nearly every day at work , blames work but he’s always done this work for the last 10 years so it’s rubbish although I don’t doubt stress management is to do with it .

I recently told his parents as I’d been carrying this around alone since I found out. His mum is trying to support me and I’m forever grateful , his dad bless him is at a loss and doesn’t understand it ( generation thing I think ) .

Some days I feel switched off and exist through the day , I don’t have the energy to try and plan the future . Then some days I’m decisive and know I have to start planning more.

Some small part thinks is my actual husband going to return but reading the stories on here brings me back to reality- high chance not . I don’t ever want to look back and have my kids childhood tainted throughout because of their dads choices . He’s done that enough over last 2 years .

My OH is also approaching 40 and I never dreamt I would be having to deal with this sort of issues (drink and gambling spates with mine ) . Sending hugs to you all , I’m

Glad to see the sun today 🙂 x

[purpleheart]

Hi both 🙂

I am sorry to read that we are all in similar situations. It’s just horrendous isn’t it .

Completely relate to all the scenarios , moods , lies the lot – just devastates a relationship.

It’s like an imposter in our home – I’m playing detective constantly and holding the home life up . It’s so exhausting and not the life I ever envisioned i in think I’m still grieving for the past life and in shock what I’m having to tell with even though I’m 18mths in .

Mine says he’s quit again ( as of Monday) but I just don’t buy it I’m sad to say .

Don’t have a clue- I hope you manage to get out soon and begin to start your new chapter- your strong and it will be ok – don’t ever forget that .

You too mammy Essex – I think you should go and find yourself and again it’s going to be a bumpy ride but you will be ok , I think we all have children here and that’s what we need to focus on they deserve the best from their mummies – so we owe it to ourselves .

I’m existing here on the cycle but I’m looking at what I need to do if and when the final nail goes in- where we will go, selling up etc . I have to be realistic because like you said don’t have a clue sad matter is mine probably isn’t going to change either.

Sending hugs and strength – sorry can’t offer more advise , I’m still clawing my way through this mess here xx

[purpleheart]

Hello , B8988 I know it’s a long time since you posted your thread along with the other ladies but I’m googling at 5am in the morning with the exact same scenario on my hands at the minute . 18 months I’ve had my husband lying to me , uses everyday saying it’s work stress that causes it , then comes home disengaged with our two young boys and does nothing to help me around the house . Just watches me run myself into the ground in the same cycle . He’s recently gone to the NHS drugs program but I’ve seen absolutely no improvement , the lies are still coming . He’s spending around £900 a month on coke . I am so lonely , fed up and his addiction is tarnishing everyday of my life . I’m stressed around my kids constantly and everyday is another acting role . I see you ladies posted these in 2019 . How are you all now ? Where are you up to in life ? I’m looking for hope I guess – deep down I’m ready to pack in our marriage I think I can’t take much more x

[purpleheart]

I’m sorry you are going through this . And this is going to seem harsh what I say but as the poster above said – Run .. for the hills . You can’t build a future with someone who’s wrapped up in this and if you do the rapid ageing will be effecting you too .. you know you won’t be able to trust him and it sounds like he’s no where near the point of being himself get off the stuff or booze. Why put yourself through all that – you deserve so much more you don’t need to settle. Please consider – because if you get further down the line marriage and then kids – it gets really tricky and heartbreaking ( I know this ) much love , sending strength xxxx

[purpleheart]

I’m following your thread as again I’m of a similar story . But mine lies and lies until I actually find the stuff. I’m constantly on edge a d I’m so tired as o have two kids 5 and under. I’ve come to the realisation he’s never going to look after me as we get old. I no think

I may of mentally switched off to my husband now . I love him but not enough to keep taking every lie or drama he throws at me . Sending strength chuck . Xx

[purpleheart]

Hi, I’m in the same predicament right now as you – I found out my husband had a coke problem at Christmas but he also drinks nearly every night . He refused professional help though and said he was managing it himself .

But Over the months I’ve just found myself watching him, looking for clues all the time and so much resentment because I feel like he’s smashed our bubble ( I know that sounds selfish don’t mean to be). Last night whilst I was on a mums night out he dropped off the waggon and unbeknown to me was using and drinking very heavily whilst our little kids were in bed. He has his own business that has suffered since covid and the last couple of months he can’t get up in a morning and fobs work off at the drop of a hat . Now we have cash flow issues and I rely on him financially since we had our kids .

He’s been quite aggressive in arguments last few weeks too I should of clicked sooner really . I’m shattered , I have no more tears and I can’t bear to think of my life running the same circle for the next umpteen years. I’m frightened too that my boys will click on to his boozing and even the drugs as they get older.

I feel your pain – I have no advice I’m sorry but you are strong and you will get past this eventually – sending love and strength xx

[purpleheart]

DaveD thanks for the words I appreciate another view . I know deep down he’s likely to be lying as for someone who did it everyday for god knows how long to just cut it completely – I can’t buy into it .

I’m still watching him and I’ve ended up yet again saying I don’t trust him . He’s come home numerous nights again looking not just right still .. but drinking every night I honestly can’t tell the difference and have asked him to have a night of the drink to see my actual husband without a drop of booze . And then This is how I’m hanging on by a thread during an argument – telling him I want him to take a home drugs test to prove himself .. as I write this I know I sound neurotic . But he’s still deleting the “coke mates “ messages (he doesn’t know I know that ). And every night/morning we have this running nose from hay fever!!

I’m trying to care for my small kids , run a house and keep my job and just basically keeping the front up to the outside world .

I feel like if I take my eye off the ball and let this sink in – it’s going to engulf me and I have no one to talk to.

Bottom line – think I’m just waiting to find the next thing ..

CLB – it’s a hard place where we sit . Sounds so similar . It’s horrendous and I’m sorry your going through this too . Don’t doubt yourself – you have given as much as you can . The rest is up to him and that’s his choice if that’s with or without you as brutal as that sounds .

Wishing you lots of luck and strength x

[purpleheart]

Nicole – try to put yourself forward 4 years – is this distrust maintainable? , can you build a family around this ? It sounds awful and cold – but this is your life and it depends how you want it to go .

I’m having issues of the same it’s dam hard . Sending strength and hugs xxx

[Author]

Posts