[Scotlass]

Hi – I see so many posts with the same issue that I also have – it’s comforting to see I’m not alone even though alcoholism in the family is a hidden issue most of us are embarrassed to share publicly…- I feel so stupid for staying in this relationship but it’s not that easy to just go… My husband has always had issues with alcohol but never to the extent it has become now- he deals with life problems with drinking and since COVID his drinking habits have worsened to the point that he drinks a bottle of vodka 6 out of 7 nights most weeks and somehow has built up a tolerance to it, which means he manages to go to work the next day ! I cannot fathom how he does it and I wonder if it will ever change… When he is sober he knows he has a problem and it’s affecting us (spending £100 a week on booze is making me furious + he falls asleep easily in the evening, he becomes irritable and I can’t stand him when he decides to drink night after night). He’s sober morning and afternoon but most evenings he’s drunk… it’s his coping mechanism in life and honestly I know it sounds awful but I sometimes wonder what would be a relief for me – his death or a divorce? I don’t wish that on anyone but when I get angry at the situation I fantasise about it – how much easier for us if the drink killed him rather than us going through the hassle of a divorce or me continuing to struggle to cope with this daily, on top of household chores and my job…. It’s embarrassing to say that because some of you have been through this ordeal and the death of a spouse or ex husband and I know it would be very upsetting but he’s not ready to go public to ask for help (he’s ashamed I think) and he feels he wants to do it on his own  – the problem is that I am not willing to wait years for change – we are both in our mid forties and I can’t imagine 5 or more years like this ! I also feel I am enabling him because when he demands more booze, I rush to the shop to buy it for him to avoid confrontation – in addition, his family doesn’t know the extent of his problem (although they may have an idea when they notice his shaky hands the day after a boozy night…) – Sorry for going on here, I obviously would love for him to change on his own but I’m afraid deep down that he won’t be able to change even though he’s aware of his problem when he is sober… it’s sad to say from what I’ve read the future with alcohol abuse is likely to be separation or early death… I would love to read positive stories of alcoholics changing for the better, if there are some out there… Thanks.

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