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Hi kelly hope u n kids are well. My lilttle one full of cold so no sleep for me. xx

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Hi lv good thinking with that decision like you said at least it gives you more time. I dont know why but at minute he propper gets under my skin anything he says angers me and I am not even sure why sometimes. last week he said about having to “babysit” kids omg I wanted to stab him told him you dont baby sit your own kids and he could’nt understand why I was propper pissed off which annoyed me even more so told him to leave me alone. Drug wise seems ok but you can never be too sure its always there niggling away x but of course you know that anyway xx

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Omg that last message was our 100th message lets celebrate over a cuppa heres to 100 more “clink clink” ( thats our cups hitting together) oh dear think I have finally gone nuts. Lol xx

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Hi love hows it going have you managed to make your decision? I hope u are all ok speak soon

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Hi kelly I am ok cannot bleve the parallel lives we live its like when I read your messages it me thats writing them.

So by the sound of things he knows things are turning sour with his boss so the only place he knows he can go is your house its like he is being forced to come back because he knows he has nowhere else to go. Can you remember earlier on in our conversations when you said that hes happy where he is no responsibilities could do what he wanted when he wanted. Ask yourself this if things were ok with his boss would he still be asking to come home?. I am in exact situation he has asked for me to give up my tax creds etc for him to come back and I have said I cannot take the risk I dont trust him for one, I am completely stressed when hes around and feel like I have a third child to look after and I get loads of pressure from his mum to take him back because shes probably fed up of his shit aswel. I have told him straight today that I am confused by the way I feel about him and if it takes another 5 years for me to decide whst I want then so be it, it will happen when I want it too, if I want it too. I do still love him but I am not sure I love him in the same way I did.

Its time to put yourself first depression is a horrid thing but with what we have been put through we could have gone same way (depression route) but we have children to think about and them so we have’nt got time to be depressed.

The decision is yours but please dont let him pressure you he is only thinking about himself once again. He needs professional help and antidepressants which is something the gp will prescribe straight away. See they think you cannot cope without them and they are so wrong it makes you stronger in a way paying your own bills and sorting kids not having to rely on them for anything it certainly has for me, and the kids are happy and so am I its so weird.

I say put yourself and kiddies first for once you deserve too after what he has put you through these last few months. xxx take care speak soon xxx

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No you are not heartless an addict has to want to help themselves. It is like having another child to look after been with an addict and it does take its toll on you and if you can put your own happiness first then I say do it, do it for you and the kids you all deserve to be happy and he should want that for you too. Take care x

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Hi love have you heard anything from your shit head yet xx hope u n kids are good x

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I know love I am exact same and I have’nt even been asked out by anyone and I think even if I did I would’nt believe it I would think they were taking piss its so sad but true. I would feel sorry for my next bloke anyway because I feel like I am mega damaged and not worthy of being happy with anyone else. I just wish I could see a little glimpse into the future just to know that all this shit is worth it. Its so hard to know what your true feelings are is’nt it you get so wrapped up and confused with the whole situation and when the kids are involved its even harder. I am just tired of feeling this way its like they have’nt got a care in world. I often panic about if anything happens to me what would happen to the kids it scares me to death to think that they would go to him I have even thought about going down the legal route so my parents get them it just goes round in my head all the time. I dunno love we are a right pair are’nt we. we can laugh n joke but when it comes down to it its our future thats at stake.

take care xx

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Sorry for spelling n grammar stupid lil phone lol xx

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Hello kelly just wanted to ask you your opinion on this one so here goes ….. some jewellery has come up due for paying in the pawn shop actually two days late for paying and most of whats in there is mine what he has used without me knowing so I have just rang him to tell him and he said I wil sort it dont worry, yeah right so I told him its not good enough him letting it get his far especiallt when its not his stuff that hes risking losing so he turns round to me and say QUOTE ” How come everytime you ring me you just cause me hastle ” at that point I said just tell your mum to text me with what you have done to sort it if I cause you that much trouble all while our son was screaming his head off in background like he has been for last two days n nights. What an absolute selfish prick, oh he also told me he’d just got up aswel just a bit of salt chucked in the open wound this was at 1pm. Anyway would like to hear your view on it xx.

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Or a builder if he has a friend need an extension for all kids toys lol x

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Omg how do we manage not to kill them. I say go for it with the date and if he does find out it might shock him into sorting hiself out and make him see what hes got right infront of him, wow a date with a normal bloke and not to mention hes an electrician always good to have an electrician on board lol xx we ended up arguing again today he just fecks me off, I said I need to get a drive sorted its been his project for the last 3yrs and still got no further suprise suprise but then he just started saying he cannot do everything hes on medication so its impossible to do anything because of the diazepam, well that was it I flipped told him its his own fault he has no one else to blame but hiself and just because I dont take anything apart from odd paracetamol for headache (becoming more regular especially when hes around) does’nt mean I am not drained of energy. God hes a dick. I asked him to watch his son other day so I could nip to shop for laundry stuff so I could wash clothes and he was like “oh you always just leave him with me”, the cheek I swear I could swing for him I just keep calling him step daddy n he hates it but thats exactly how he acts. Anyway onwards n upwards I start work next week again so thats another distraction.

You are the only person I confide in your not judgemental and know exactly how to cheer me up so I defo class you as a friend even tho we are miles away lol x take care x

ps go for it!!!!!! Let me know what you decide well jealous could do with my house rewiring haha x

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hi kelly hope your ok n kids are well. just wanted to tell you that i had my car smashed into last nite all front wing n light gone and do u know the git just drove away probably joy riders or a piss head but weirdly enough even though its going to cost me money to get it fixed its not about heroin or diazepam and it actually feels good. think i am losing it lol. take care xx

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No still a shit head too. Hes concentrating on his car at minute he has two thousand pound to get it fixed which really makes me uneasy to say the least him having all that cash. I asked him if it would be better for me to have his bank card again n he said no he does’nt need me to look after his card but its different when he has no cash he’s quite willing for me to have it “DOOR MAT” thats what I feel like. I dunno I feel like hes a step dad most of time because thats how he acts. Thing is when you have children thats when the fun begins watching them grow up and doing things as a family my priorities certainly changed when I had my daughter but I think maybe its because they are’nt number 1 anymore and thats what the problem is they cannot cope with sharing sad but true. He seems to be ok but who knows I am still like a dog with a bone cannot let go every smell every toilet visit and hes only here few hours every few days. Think I am obsessed. Take care lv xx try not to kill him as hard as it is xx

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Hi kelly really hope you and kiddies are ok. No change at this end hes still a spiteful self centred shit head lol xx take care xx

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