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read the post tragically sad on this site i have been talking to kelly on here and she is amazing her words of advice has helped me no end i am stronger because of her please please please read it xxx
follow your gut feeling all the things you have described almost certainly points out that he is using again. its heart breaking and i feel your pain. the reason he is angry when you confront him is because you are right with what you are saying and he does’nt want to admit it to hiself. have you noticed money going missing or anything like that because again another sign. it is hard being in love with a addict but you have to think of yourself and your children. Please go with your gut feeling you also have the evidence my partner hid his foil in his socks bit stupid when it was me who did the washing. they do become very secretive and go missing i also found this with my partner. please look after yourself addicts are selfish and have a real way of making you feel guilty for suspecting what is true.
morning i understand what you are saying about the gabapentin anything is better then heroin and one step at a time. i am the same about him moving back in words are not enough actions speak louder to me and he also has to prove he is worthy of me and his kids. really happy for you and the kids you also deserve to be happy and tell him thanks for the.heads up on the natrexone implant. jus going to let him get on with it now i feel like my addiction is.now over like i have let go of all the stress and anxiety that surrounds it not saying that it does’nt hurt becos you know more then anyone it does.
i will never be able to thank you enough for your. help and support. please keep me updated on how you are. speak soon xOh thank god I feel so happy for you. Just goes to show they can tell the truth. I know exactly what you mean with the trust issues I was constantly worrying when he nipped out if hes going elsewhere or if he took too long on the toilet it was that bad, but defo feel we are moving in the right direction so far me with my new found strength and you with a clean drug test.
Really hope he can stick to it. Let me know how you are doing and yes likewise with the friendship makes a change to speak to someone with hope u are a real credit to this site and to him I hope he knows that.
take care speak soon x
Because you probably love him and thats the shitty bit. What drug is it he takes not that its relevant. The heart it a tough one to conquer and unfortunately it makes it worse when the person you love is an addict. I know its hard but try not to let him get to you addicts
are manipulative and will call you every name under sun to get what they want they grind you down. Be strong I wish you the best. XHi just wanted to say you are definitely right with your decision as hard as it is for you. Yesterday I read about “enabling” an addict and when I see this word in a dictionary it shows my picture as the explanation for the word. please read up on it a lady on here told me about it and it was like the penny finally dropped for me i feel so strong today for the first time in ages and its because of this website you know you are not alone.
Keep strong and stick to your guns x
no idea whats happening with this blog tonite but just typed an essay and its gone dissapeared forever but if it does turn up no doubt it wil be on 5 times lol. i was just saying that gabapentin is serious stuff even people who.have seizures cannot have it because of how it affects them so i doubt very much gp will have prescribed it but you never know.
yes please do let me know how you go with test tomorrow. how did he manage to stop before?? and if hes done it once then surely he can do it again!!
sorry pressed submit button too early. Hope u enjoy your meal please forgive spelling, typin this on a very little phone x
please keep intouch speak soon and again a big THANK U xx
i really really hope you go out with your friend you deserve the break you know your girls will be well looked after and as for him its like you say its his choice i am sure if you would’nt have been going out he would still make the same choice. They never fail to make you feel guilty do they? its like a magic power they have. Sounds like the 10 steps back you where waiting to come, chances are hes probably bought them. They always have an excuse dont they. we must be living parallell lives. my partner been today he looked well he’d also been to gp to get sick note and managed to get prescription for diazepam bet he dint tell them he’d bought some tho. he told me he was scared with what i said to him about not tolerating his behaviour think he knows i am deadly serious told him if he spends it i am not putting it back cannot believe how different i feel today and thats all thanks to you never had this support before its made me stronger.
i work in a gp practice and believe me they dont prescribe tablets like that with no evidence he would need hosp test and diagnosis etc before they would even consider prescribing it has to come from a speciqlist
Hi
Even though my partner has been an addict for the length of time he has I have never looked into help for myself until now. I was reading about enabling you mentioned and cannot believe how I fit the profile of an enabler its like the penny finally dropped. I have always been worried about him paying his bills like car insurance n phone bill n other direct debits that when hes said he cannot afford them cus his sick pay does’nt cover (mmmm…….) I straight away have stepped in and paid them ” what a complete and utter dickhead I have been” I am typing this with the biggest smile on my face becos tonight I av told him after all these years that his behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated anymore I will no longer enable him to act like this and he must take whatever consequences come with his stupidity and addiction. Wow I feel like I have just grown the biggest pair of balls and stuck em on.
Amazing thank you so much for your help and words of wisdom.
This is his first time on this programme x
I do care and love him and yes if he did get clean and stayed clean he would be all i wanted. I just wish i did’nt love him it drives me insane. I have told him today not to contact me anymore because i cannot take it told him i will arrange for him to see kids with his mum presant and in a neutral place not at my house basically. I start work again in september so hopefully wont have the time to miss him its only because i am sat here day in day out on my own that i struggle. Thank you again for being there and making perfect sense. Xx
I just dont know what to believe I wish he would just do hiself in so to speak at least then it would all be over but he’d rather torture me because hes selfish. hes not started the blocker yet he has appt next week also has appt with IAPT on 28th aug to help with retraining his mind. Seriously got to stage where I just dont care anymore, how many times am I going to let him do this to me, should I turn the love to hate and despise him. I am going to have a look at these test because I think the ones I bought say they test positive for prescription drugs so like you said not really a true reading for just heroin. I really cannot live like this anymore waiting for him to fail.
Thank you for replying it just helps so much knowing that someone understands even though I would’nt wish this on my worst enemy. XX
Hi just need to get this out.
today I got a text message saying ” I need your help I have no money in the bank to pay bills will you help me please” first question was why he only had £139 two days ago so where has it gone so I rang him and guess what he told me he’d spent it on tablets
(diazepam) I dont get it are we moving from one addiction to another. What am I suppose to do its not heroin but again another nail in the coffin. He says its only to help while he gets rid of leg cramps and its better then using other (emotional blackmail to me). I cannot deal with another addiction should I give up my addiction HIM.Another kick in the teeth for me and my kids will it ever end so upset and confused just dont know what to think or do. I think if I had the money I would up sticks and leave with the kids and just forget about everyone but in reality I cannot do it.
I have never took a penny off him for the kids hes never bought a nappy or a pack of wipes anything I feel like a door mat.
I am so sorry especially about your little girl maybe one day he will realise just how lucky he was to have you and by that time I hope you have moved on. Maybe I will be forced to do the same my little girl cries all the time when her daddy has to leave after he has visited for a few hours. Still not really convinced that he will suceed in keeping hiself clean this drug has powers beyond belief and trusting him is also really difficult but its my heart that aches like mad when hes not here if I could conquer that then I would be fine. I think because I have been with him for 18yrs its hard to imagine him not in my life at my side (hes not even owt spectaular to be honest) but you cannot help who you fall in love with and unfortunately my heart chose him. I am the same the man I fell in love with disappeared about 15yrs ago he is starting to come back alittle day by day but its a heck of a long journey and one hes going to have to do for the rest of his life.
kelly I really wish you well and hope you stay strong as you are. Your kids are very lucky to have you as their mummy. Please keep intouch and let me know how you are doing and thank you for everything you have also helped me alot xx