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Hi Danman, I’m sending you loads of support, you have beat this before can do it again! I haven’t been on for a while and just read your post. You got this pal!! ???????? You got straight back into going to meetings and most wouldn’t! That’s you mate that does that. Hope you are okay
Hello Mariaf, I want to give you a massive cuddle because I know exactly what you are going through, I have been on and off with my ex for 12 months, he also has so much debt but this is the biggest issue, they always crave more and it will always be thier first love and unfortunately for us good ones that stand by them we get hurt the most, it’s the most vicious cruel circle to be in, what advice can I give you? Well not a lot other than please stay strong, have good friends, do not give him any money and stand your ground, the thing is as much as you love them they love that more I promise you that, I love mine more than anything and he came back again for a 3rd time 2 weeks ago then did a disappearing act on Thursday night and not spoken since and this is something I cannot deal with the guilty silence because they know we deserve better they run away, I took the courage yesterday to say no more and stood my ground, it takes time and seeing that what you have to go through is not and nor ever will be right or what you deserve, they put you through hell, they have to hit rock bottom but when could that be?? Who knows my lovely! Here if you need to vent or want to get anything off your chest, I nearly lost my job in February from all the stress this battle puts me under, please don’t get to that point be strong, offer support but not at the risk of your own health and life ❤️
Another goal though there!! Even if you don’t like speaking up you did it!! ???????? love that! Yeah hurts like hell when you know the relationship was good and no reason to leave other than the biggest grip on the brain possible! Fighting a losing battle from the beginning I think I was, without being defeatist obviously as I don’t give up easily and would help anyone if they asked, but got to want the help like everyone says, think he knows deep down I would always be there for him if he ever needed me
Hahaha don’t the thought has crossed my mind ???????? knowing what I know now for sure! He will realise I’m sure and it will be too late, I know deep down I’m better out of it all just tough when you love someone and you see how amazing they are without that life. So many people on here are in the same boat so nice to know we’re not alone and can see both sides of the struggles people face! nice to see so many get out the other side too ????????
Hi Sazjun, how are you doing?? Our stories are very similar, my relationship has also been very on/off, minus the verbal outbursts but he ups abs leaves doesn’t speak to me for weeks, how often is your partner doing cocaine? If he is out doing it in the car in a few minutes break away he could be doing it quite a bit more than you think and that’s not me trying to upset you at all it’s just the harsh truth unfortunately this drug grips good people and they turn into strangers! You sound lovely and a bit lost and believe me I know that feeling all too well!! Sending you lots of support your way! It’s tough going through this but your not alone! Stand up to him and be a strong woman we got this more than we know! Don’t let him work back in till you know he is on the right track or it will continue to happen, mine hasn’t come back yet and that was 6 weeks ago, he has done this like I say quite a number of times and each time I take him back thinking this is surely the last time! I do it because I love him and see the good in him but have to ask yourself sometimes do they see all the good in us…answer is no most of the time! Or they do but the drugs do not let them admit it till rock bottom has struck!
You will get passed it ???????????????? With the right support, that’s another goal ticked off for you right there!! Your doing it and giving people like me and others on here support along the way, that’s your driver right there..helping people! Your good at it! Yeah I will keep focused and will get there in time, I have seen him a few times but just passing in the car a wave and that’s all I get while he is sitting there with people who encourage him to be this other person, makes me so sad! I gave him a wonderful life just sad he can’t see it, that’s what hurts the most I think 🙁 but I will get there ????????
That’s amazing!! That’s also amazing how you managed last night and got through, shows that your determination and commitment is there and will keep getting you through those little speed bumps, Yeah I am totally leaving him to it, I heard he is involved heavily with some not nice people and they are using him to do things for them because of the money he owes, very scary as I don’t fully understand that world! Worry for him I really do but I can’t do anything so like you say keep busy and focused on what I can. So glad to hear your doing well!
Hey Danman, still the same still no contact but maybe it’s for the best, how are you doing?? How’s recovery? Started the Psychology A Level…wow! Ha I forgot what it was like to study!! Hope you are well
Yeah it’s good to have people all going through the same! I hope you are okay, anything else happened with your situation? Crazy these lovely people that once were feel like strangers, that is what I’m struggling with! I will never understand the pull that it has to chose it over someone that loves, supports and protects
Hi Notmyrealname,
I have seen some of your comments and feel like we have the same life 🙁 how are you doing? Jadeem how are you doing too? I’m 6 weeks in now and still haven’t spoken to mine but the same as you this “new friend” he has is popping up everywhere and he is driving him round as he has lost his license! He will be adding more and more debt! I just worry I will get “that” phone call one day, I have nightmares about it most nights! How are yours doing? Any light at the end of the tunnel? And how have you both been coping and what have you been doing to keep yourselves focused and busy? Hope to talk soon could really do with a chat xx
No problem huni, no he went for 2 months, we are not married but could see it heading that way, he usually goes back to him mums or friends he just hides away and does it when nobody is around to see him do it, he owes thousands out and then tries to deal it to get out of debt and that doesn’t work of course then he runs away when things get tough, I’m a fairly laid back person never shouted or screamed at him never told him to not do it because I have been told it doesn’t work, he said I made him want to be a better person but then he let me down on my birthday and went dealing instead so I lost my temper and shouted, he hasn’t been back since. He goes to ground shuts off everything, all communication gone. He will be back lovely but you have to be prepared for what he might say, he has to hit rock bottom and that will be painful. Where does your hubby go? Have you asked him? Xx
Hi lovely!
Mine disappeared 4 weeks ago and hasn’t returned! So I know your pain 🙁 it’s horrible, saw him in a car yesterday with his drug dealer mate so would rather do that than come and talk about things, it’s the most evil horrible drug known to man, I could scream most days at the fact we as loved ones will always come last, all I can offer is a supportive ear and say keep talking to people on here, I don’t know much about injecting the horrible stuff, but I do know it makes them make bad decisions and not see things clearly! I hope he comes home to you and he explains things to you, if you have been on here before Danman gives great advice from both sides! He is great to talk too xx
Hi Daniiboi,
I hope you are okay, please do not think anything to do with this is your fault, your partner has choices and they make that choice, I am in the same boat he chose it over me and his children from another relationship, that shows you how powerful it is what you are dealing with, reach out to people on here and YouTube is a great place to understand addictions, also if you look for a guy on here called Danman he is brilliant to talk to as he can give you clarity from an addicts perspective, you have a new born and 6 year old keep all your focus on you and then lovely, do not give any money as it will enable him to do it, Take care of yourself! ❤️ Xx
Yeah I will do, trying to put myself first at the moment, sometimes wish I didn’t care does that sound awful? 🙁 can’t help it though he means a lot to me, relationship was good like a best friend, known each other a long time, took us a while to get together he chased I was having none of it, then I did give in eventually lol, loved the bones of him but this just ruins it all I hate it, my guy is gone if that makes sense this rules him or he wouldn’t quit and run, got to be strong and know it’s not me and battle through it, I will be okay in the end just worry for him, he has already lost friends to this including very recently and still doesn’t make him stop and think, hope everyone has a lovely weekend! One more week closer to lock down being lifted!! ????????
A journal is a great idea! You can track process and it’s a great road map to help others, you can always look back at it and people can relate to recovery process! Love that idea! Thank you I agree with you he does but we still haven’t spoken so I’m petrified at the moment, haven’t been sleeping, It’s Soph ???? when he did this last time he was gone for 2 months no word from him at all, I just hope he is okay