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Hi everyone I’m so glad I found this thread. My partner was an alcoholic and he died a week ago. His heart gave up on him. We were no longer living together (due to his alcohol use) but we still loved each other deeply. The last time I saw him in person was September and in between September and now he had two binges, one of which saw him in detox and the second ended in his heart failing him.
I’m eaten up with guilt about if I could have done more, I didn’t tell him I loved him when I last spoke to him and I told him in the last conversation we ever had that we couldn’t have a romantic relationship anymore, only friends. I know it broke his heart and I think it triggered the last binge. I watched my happy, healthy partner descend into depression and a very serious addiction in 12 months, an empty shell, eyes that were previously full of life that turned into empty windows to the soul.
He tried so hard to lift himself out of it but the alcohol had gripped him so hard and so strong that he couldn’t get away from it no matter how much he tried.
I take some comfort that he is no longer in the mental and emotional pain he was in but also he was only 47 and he had a full life ahead of him.
I wonder if I should have taken him back into my home, should I have not been so hard on him, should I have helped more after his many detox’s. Nursed him and not left to his own devices as that was his vulnerable time and of course he just turned to alcohol again.
There is so much more to the story than this.
But lessons learnt is always tell them you love them, even when they have infuriated you or fallen off the wagon. And remember love, affection and kindness go a long way. Addicts can say and do things under the influence that they don’t mean, so forgive easily when you can. Nobody chooses to live that way in such desperation and misery. Rest in Peace to all those who have lost their lives through addiction and addiction related illnesses.
If you have lost a loved one surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Know you did your best and that you are loved.

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