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Your 20 year-old sounds a wonderful young man.
Good luck. You’re never alone.
He has pushed you to the absolute limit. I feel so sorry for you because you are being so understanding of his problem despite his unbearable, selfish and childish behaviour. You have to look after yourself. I’m certain you don’t want this man to come between you and your lovely children. He needs the inspiration for sobriety. Either that, or he needs to be prepared to go through the slog of quitting. I wonder really if he is anywhere near to addressing this. As I say, a counter-intuitive approach may be a possible way forward.
You could try a counter-intuitive approach by helping him to enjoy and control alcohol a bit better. This would be less confrontational than exposing the thing he is trying to keep secret. Have a look at notalcoholicbut.com and see if this might be helpful for you – and him.
It seems he is doing all the classic self-denial tricks like setting rules around his drinking to prove to everyone, including himself, how in-control he is. Every time you challenge him he is affronted, and now he is trying to suggest that you are a hypocrite because of your weight gain. The lockdown makes all this far worse.
You might consider trying a counter-intuitive approach by asking him if he would like to explore ways he could enjoy and control his drinking better, rather than persuade him to cut down or quit (the dependent drinker’s biggest fear). You might find notalcoholicbut.com helpful in this regard. At least it will show your support for his continued drinking whilst giving him the space to self-analyse what he is actually getting from alcohol – which of course is not a lot. Worth a try perhaps?