[yzeal15]

I’m sorry you are having to go through this. Talking with your in-law to get support is smart. From experience it helps to have someone close to talk with about what is happening. Will that cause more problems between you and your husband? If it does have you found a safe, affordable place to live? Watching someone’s every move can be tiring. My ex was an alcoholic too. I started going to dance classes to get away from him and clear my mind, leaving my kids with my mother-in-law. I’m not telling you to leave (not let him back home) but when I finally did decide to leave, after he got jail time for his 5 or 6 DWI, I felt so much better. The kids missed him but the chaos that had them on edge was gone. I sincerely hope you and your children have a wonderful holiday!

[yzeal15]

Hi! I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed but you are not alone. My I did the same thing with my husband but he did not stop until “he” got ready too. It hurts to watch the one you love hurt themselves and you sound like a great daughter for supporting her. I often felt like I was on a hamster wheel doing and saying the same thing over and over again. He’d stop and the world would be bright and shiny again, then he would start up again. Once I finally divorced him, he got better. Ironic, huh? During that time I took dance classes to make myself feel better and to take my mind off of his problems. What do you do to make yourself feel better when your mum has started drinking again?

[yzeal15]

Hey, thanks for sharing!

I remember hiding my keys. I hope he takes advantage of rehab and it helps him. I’m happy your okay and can take care of your kids. It feels good to have so many people out there to talk and share with. The struggle with them is so hard combined with every day problems. I hope distancing yourself works best for you and you and your family stay safe throughout this pandemic.

Air Hugs !

[yzeal15]

Did he find it? Did you cuss everybody out? If you did I wish I was there to see it. LOL

I agree with you, stupid is as stupid does and you can’t fix that. He has to get tired on his own. I didn’t understand that until I got with my boyfriend. He got so bad at one point he looked like a skeleton walking around. I mean I weighted 127 lbs and he probably could have fit into my skinny jeans. He literally was trying to kill himself because his best friend that was like a brother to him died unexpectedly. He said that was the reason but I think he was depressed with his own situation in life. He told me he wanted to quit and was clean for a few months before he started to dabble in them again. He was clean this time for 15 months and he said he only did it for two weeks. He still hasn’t done anything but he goes to work tomorrow in Dallas so there is no telling what will happen.

Right now I’m stressed with transferring classes to online classes because each professor is doing something different for each class and I’m trying to keep that straight. I don’t think I take anymore distractions. He did stop the pacing because he took the dog to the vet today. God, I hate that dog. He’s so annoying and he’s not particularly found of me either. The dog is always sick, costing us money for x-rays and meds. Our vet said we had been overdosing him with one of his meds. He was only supposed to get a half of pill every other day instead daily and he could have died. If only! Don’t get me wrong I like dogs very much. I have had my dog for 15 years with no problems. This dog is just a pain in the ass. He doesn’t get along with one of our other dogs, we have 3 in total, so we have to keep them separated, or they fight. He is always underneath my boyfriend and every time I try to be affectionate it runs up and tries to wiggle his way in or takes an pose like he wants to bite me. Stupid dog. He may be worse than the drugs. Sorry I went on a tangent but my boyfriend did get out of the house, to the vet, and to Wal-Mart. I actually left to get money from the bank for rent. It felt good to be out for a bit but it’s super cold and rainy today here but it’s Texas! It may be 40 degrees today and a sunny 80 degrees tomorrow. LOL

Good news to hear your mom is doing well. I understand their missing your son. It’s a different kind of attachment. I can’t explain but hopefully one day you will experience it too.

[yzeal15]

Hi,

How are you doing today?

I’m happy your breathing 🙂 Ughh I remember those days were your “danged if you do, and danged if you don’t” interact with him. It’s so maddening. I finally just shut down and my ex knew something was wrong with me but he kept up his craziness.

What things do you do that you consider fun when he’s not around?

How old is your daughter?

How is she handling being stuck inside?

I think guys are just as bad as women are carrying over crappy things that happened to them in their last relationship. My boyfriend would say stuff like, “my ex did the same thing you’re doing and blah, blah, blah”, all the time. I told him one day he could take his a** back to her since she’s on your mind all the time. Needless to say he was mad at a long time, but at least he was quiet for a while. LOL

[yzeal15]

Hi Sam,

Do you have boyfriend on the side? If so, that would be a great distraction from his mess. It seems he is gas lighting you to keep you in a constant state of anxiety and confusion to undermine your sanity. My ex was like that, I thought i was freaking crazy. I don’t know if this will help but I tried to do 4 things in mind while he ranted and raved about stuff. 1. I’d just stop and start to breath real slowly and I would just look and listen to him. Just taking it all in. 2. I’d try to grab little pieces of what he as jabbering about and i would just nod. 3. I’d be thinking, with no expression on my face, God he looks like (fill in the blank with something funny to me or you in this case) and I’d leave the room or turn over after he finished ranting 4. I’d try my hardest because he would often try to make me feel bad about myself, I’d think of one thing that would make me happy or has made me happy that didn’t concern him in any way. I don’t know if this will help but just stopping and staring real quietly at a man causes them to feel inadequate for some reason. My ex would say that i could call my boyfriend, blah, blah, blah and I was like if I had one i wouldn’t be here with you joker. LOL. i don’t know if those steps will help, i’m just speaking from my own experience but I hope you make a least a few minutes everyday to just sit and breath.

Air hug – XXX

[yzeal15]

I’m so sorry to hear that. Don’t be angry with yourself because of his choices. Those are his decisions. I know they effect you but don’t put more burden on yourself trying to carry the weight of his bad decisions with your own personal stress. Just think of this as more of an incentive to move on and forward with your life.

[yzeal15]

Hey,

School is going okay. This first week was confusing but I just got off a virtual appointment with my Communication Ethics professor and she filled in the blanks for me on a lot things.

My daughter is safe. She is staying with her grandmother so at least I know the baby is in a secure environment. We still haven’t had any cases of C-19 in my city but my daughter worries me still running around every where. I miss the baby terribly.

I’m sorry your mom is sick. Has she got tested for the virus? I am happy you are getting out of the house. It sounds really pretty were you are walking. My closest body of water is a dirty little creek :). LOL

I’m happy you’ve gotten some peace. Mine’s been a week sober but he is driving me completely F$*@!%G crazy. Now he’s paying attention to the news and wigging out because he is just now taking it seriously and he’s worried about completing the flooring at his job in Dallas about a hour away. There are about 850 cases in Dallas County with a population of 1.3 million people. He needs to go make some money for the family and follow the precautions set in place because the bills are not going to stop coming in. Now he is just being annoying; pacing back in forth and just generally getting on my nerves. I may wind up on a true crime series…

Good for you. I am happy you can handle your own. My uncle was the King Pin of my town for 30+ years so everyone knows us or of him and that has deterred a lot of people from messing with us.

That Bitch Carole Baskins! Lmao. His blue eyeliner was killing me! I looked to see if they had built the zoo by the casino yet but there is nothing there. It’s about an hour away from me. I just wanted to go see the people from the documentary. I’ll have to check out After Life.

Hope you and the baby are well- XX

[yzeal15]

I am sorry your are in that situation. You are lucky he still has a job and some income coming in. I just came across an emergency assistance loan for students at my university and I hope and pray it comes in quick. I wish I was there to help. I know you are probably stressed out beyond belief. Just know that there is someone out there that is thinking of you. I may not respond immediately but I check this site everyday in between studying. I think there is a 5 and half hour difference but I will respond when I see your post. Hang in there and remember you are loved and supported by people who don’t know you but have gone through some of the things you have and are still trying.

Air hugs from across the pond!

[yzeal15]

Yes, Hi!

[yzeal15]

Yes, definitely let me know when you blog goes live. Throw caution to the wind and just post it. You never know, the way everyone is stuck at home right now, someone waiting to give you a book or movie deal may come across it.

I actually go out of the house yesterday for a whopping 20 minutes. I teach American Tribal Style (ATS) Belly dance. I co-direct our dance troupe and one of my assistant teachers and I videoed ourselves dancing a couple of songs to keep our students interested and moving. I didn’t go into her house because she has 3 little ones. We made sure to stay at least 10-12 feet away from each other and danced in her driveway. She is always fun to dance with. I was talking to her about my daughter and me feeling bad about putting her out but she told me I needed to set boundaries and I should have years ago from the bratty way she is acting. As we were talking, my daughter sent me a text asking if she really couldn’t come home and had to go to her grandmothers instead. I told her , “yes, because you do not listen”. Needless to say, I have not heard back from her. She does have safe places to go, her grandmothers, dads, or her cousins house. It is a horrible time for her to be out but maybe this is what she needs to come to her senses and buckle down and take care of her son. She’ll run out of money soon and have to face the reality of her situation and the worlds’.

The baby was going to day care but her job closed down because of the virus. We’d sing ABC’s to him. He’s not quite talking yet. He says “Hi and Bye” really good, as well as, Ya Ya- what he calls me. I made him color cards and we would dance together a lot. His mom does teach him so stuff but doesn’t have a set schedule for him. I use to be a co-director of a day care so she knows and I told her repeatedly how important it is for him to start early. You know how some kids learn more quickly than others despite anyone teaching them like they know their survival depends on it? That’s what I see and feel when I watch him.

School starts for me tomorrow. I have some virtual classes and the others are just discussion forums but I have been studying intermittently the last week to be ready. I only have 24 hours of school left and I am going to try to do summer classes so I can graduate this fall semester, hopefully. There has been no word on if the high school here is going to have a graduation ceremony. Crossing my fingers they will.

I am happy he’s been clean for the last week. With the world the way it is everyone but the drug dealers will be clean because we won’t be able to leave the house at all. LOL. Mine stopped using on Thursday. He just started feeling better today. He told me that it’s not fun anymore and he feels rundown despite taking it… (Shoulder Shrug) we will see. Wow, the drug dealers come to the door? I would sh$t a literal brick. I am so scary. That’s funny considering they sent out at least 10 police officers for my husband one time. I live on a corner lot and they were all along the fence line and between the our house and the neighbors. They banged on the door at around 2:30 am and I just opened it in my skimpy night gown, the head guy and I stared at each other for a minute. I am sure I had a ticked off look on my face. I do not like being woken up. He cleared his throat and asked for my ex and I hollered back into the house for him, like it was one of his friends at the door. They carted him off and I went right back to sleep. I am soooooo happy that hasn’t ever happened again but it was hilarious at the time.

I have watched all of the Bridget Jones movies. I loved them. Her mom was something else. I’m sorry she’s giving you flack about holidays and such. With you opening up about your situation it’s funny that that is what she got out of the whole thing.

Do you watch Netflix? If you do, you should really watch the “Tiger King” if you haven’t already. It’s in another state but I don’t live too far away from Joe Exotics Zoo. I used to work at a day care that offered pictures with a white tiger cub and I had my little brothers’ picture taken. The show is hilarious. Now I’m trying to get through the new series “Freud”. It is not at all what I expected. There’s a psychic mediums and some weird gypsy like bad lady. I dunno, it’s a little bit much. It’s something to watch besides true crime and serial killer series/movies. I swear by the time this pandemic calms down I’m going to either be the best homicide detective ever or the best serial killer! LOL

I hope you had a beautiful day – Hugs!

[yzeal15]

I know your son is little and you don’t have to worry, but I am having a hard time keeping my daughter at home. Since we are just practicing social distancing and shelter in place in bigger cities nearby, she thinks she will not get it. Her son has respiratory problems. I just tried talking to her, telling her why she shouldn’t go visit her cousin in a city that is quickly on the raise with infected people but she will not listen. I told her if she went I do not want her coming home to infect everyone else here. Am I wrong? I feel so bad. It’s not like she doesn’t have other places to go but I still feel really bad. Why should my grandson have to suffer because she’s being dumb. I just want her to take this serious. God, I feel like such an awful parent sometimes. I do not have this problem with my son. He has always listened and erred on the side of caution, plus he is an introvert so he likes being inside playing video games. I just want to disappear to some island by myself and not have to worry about anything ever again.

[yzeal15]

Oops, sorry I posted to myself on accident. LOL

[yzeal15]

Hi!

I hope you had fun outside. It was 78 degrees here and I mowed the yard and played with the baby outside most of the day.

I thought about writing a blog but i chickened out. You should publicize it. It was so hard to find someone to talk too and I’m sure if we feel this way tons of others do too especially now that the COVID-19 is out and people are forced to stay at home instead of having the daily escape of being at work or school. Maybe it’ll become so famous you can make a movie out of it and become a millionaire like J.K. Rowling. 🙂 #F&*KJanet!

Oh, my gosh. I probably would have done more to him than you did. My ex was physically and verbally abuse when he drank. I would say mildly abusive but I don’t know if that is even a thing because I did not end up with black eyes, bruises or anything broken. I had a really high bed (the kind you need a foot stool to get on to) and he’d come home and decide he wanted to talk to me and snatch the covers off the bed and grab me by one of my ankles and drag me off the bed down the hallway, waking me up and scaring the shit out of me. My mom always said you will know when you have had enough and no matter how much people try to give you advise, you will know when it is time to let that person go. One night he came home, drunk of course, and tried to grab me by the leg. He is this 6’4 dude and I am a foot shorter. As soon as he snatched off the cover, I shot up out the bed, jumped down and slammed his head into the door hinges of the closet. He was so stunned, he just looked at me with blood running down his nose and left the room. I slept so good that night. I wasn’t scared or anything. The next day we went to his families barbecue and his cousins wife laughed in his face the whole time. I loved it. Needless to say he never touched me again.

My daughter and grandson live with me. My boyfriend does not have any children. My son wanted to be with his dad so he moved in with him at his grandmothers house. He is only a few minutes away and I talk too or see him all the time, so it works. My son is sad about school. It is his senior year and he is boomed that he may not walk at graduation because of the virus. Keeping my fingers crossed that he will have that chance. I am happy you have the secure base of your mom and dad to rely on. Sounds like you have a very good support system. I have a really good friend that I can always count on and she normally understands everything without judgement but she worries about everything so much she make her blood pressure rise. I tell her some stuff but I don’t want her to worry too much. Going back to school while staying with them is a great idea. If you do start good luck and it does not matter how long it takes as long as you finish.

Your sister sounds amazing. The fact that she just did not leave you hanging but made sure you found something to help is awesome. I love my sisters but I don’t know if they would be that helpful and one has a degree in Sociology and Psychology but she is selfish in a lot of aspects. I love her but she tests me sometimes.

I’m happy you had a few days of peace. Are you okay today? Did you get any sleep?

[yzeal15]

Hi, we could probably write a book all the stuff that has happened and maybe get a movie deal. I honestly can say he has never raised a hand to me or yelled at me in an intimidating manner. From the outside it looks like he relapsed because he hasn’t been able to find a job as easily as he thought, but I feel it is just a comfort mechanism and he just wants to feel numb. Yep, it still upsets me because he has proven for years that he can deal with life without it. Your mom has great advice and when you are able to be free of him I hope you feel a sense of peace in your soul.

You are not crazy! Do not think that for a moment. I went to counseling before with my ex-husband who was an alcoholic ( I sure can pick’em 🙂 and I was telling her that I thought the problem was me and that I thought I was crazy for everything that was happening to me. She put her notepad down and told she had went through a similar situation and that is what they want us to believe. She was awesome!

After reading your response I felt i was not alone for the first time in a long while and i set up last night thinking about it and you know what? I cannot be responsible for his actions. Those are his individual choices and I have to stick to my goals so his problems do not derail my progress. I realized that this is a process that i cycle through with him. So I know I need to stop. Normally I come to reality when my finances are threatened because I live off of my retirement and university money I receive each semester, so his addiction is really making me mad. Luckily he was gone most of the day because his friend hired him to replace the flooring at their restaurant.

I’m so sorry your mom is sick. I know that is scary especially when you seem very close to them.

No we are not under quarantine yet our president is talking about getting everyone back to work by Easter. Most people in my small city are practicing social distancing. I’ve only been to Wal-Mart, the gas station and the closets Dollar Store. I’m normally an introvert and I do not mind being at home when everything is peaceful. All the restaurants shut down except for the drive through and curb side pick-up. Every business that can has people working from home. One of my friends went to the chiropractor and he did her session outside since the high for today was around 90 degrees. It is nice to not have all the normal traffic. I see posts on facebook saying mother nature is reclaiming her planet and it seems like it. There is a bird that sings all night and we say coyotes just wandering down the street yesterday afternoon.

LOL, sorry about your cookies. I burn stuff all the time and everyone calls it cajun food. I am sure you guys had fun making them. I have a 17 year old son and a 21 year old daughter. Her son is only 1 and feisty. He is always so excited to see me it warms my heart. I am only 43 but I look much younger and people always think he is mine.

I am coping okay. It feels good to know I have people who understand and that I can talk to. You know as women, people expect us to take care of and remember everything and with him on my mind too I felt like I would burst. I’m in my room watching The Amazing World of Gumball. It is silly but I like it. Anything to make myself smile. I’ve been in here most of the day catching up on my Communication Ethics class and knocking out some other readings for my classes I was behind on because on-line classes begin on March 30th.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I replied back to you at 1:30am my time. I normally stay up until 11ish. It is scary. I listened to a video that had Dr. Brilliant (I think that is how you spell his name) he worked on the cure for polio and he is blunt about the facts but tells us what to expect. I have hand sanitizer every where. I was going to make my own but most of the medical supplies were wiped out by the time I got to the store. I make sure to rub the baby down as soon as he comes in and I make sure to spray his baby saline solution into his nose everyday. I worry about him because he had respiratory infections constantly.

I hope you get some rest tonight!

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