Hi Kate and others. Please don’t beat yourself for feeling’ hate’ towards your son. Important to remember that love and hate are closely connected and I can identify with those feelings too. As you said, addiction destroys you too and I was slowly losing more and more of myself to the point where I was becoming a shell of my former self. For years, I engaged in behaviour and support for my son that was enabling him and I somehow had to find the strength to say goodbye. I am unsure how I found this but I had been dealing with the pain and turmoil for in excess of 20 years. I live in hope that things might change , I have prayed in churches and written
messages on prayer boards; anything to give me hope. My heart remains permanently shattered with it all and I have had to freeze things in my mind to retain a level of sanity. Fathers Day tomorrow serves as a reminder that my son will be hurting for not being with his kids and I know that as mothers, we feel their heartache too. So, a permanent life sentence for many. Please take care of yourselves and seek solace from this forum. I know that it helps me to know that others can identify with the complete catastrophic effects of addiction for the person and their families. I continue to hope and pray for us all.