Hi Februarymarie and everyone else who has responded and shared their stories. Thank you for your kindness and empathy. Februarymarie, you asked how I am coping with not speaking to my son; the answer is variable. I go to bed with it all on my mind and wake up with it also. It is a source of ongoing pain and sadness which I have to learn to manage. This is the son who I loved and cared for and raised on my own. Only those who have endured the catastrophic effects of addiction can truly understand how it effects those concerned. After several years of pain and heartache, I realised that it was totally destroying me and all the things I was doing was enabling him. We are talking about violence/prison/child protection meetings and horrific experiences that are permanently burnt into my mind. I am unable to say what finally made me find the strength to detach (although as a mum, you never really can). I made it clear to my son that the door was open to him if he were to change so I have to have hope. He is away from his children and I know that really hurts him so that is a great source of pain for me too. I will say no more except please take care of yourself(ves). Moment by moment/day by day is my motto. I ‘cope’ in varying degrees with varying ‘success’ and there are times when I feel I am losing it. I will say no more except thank you for your sharing and understanding. I tap into my higher power intermittently also. Lots of love to you all
