Hi Jem, Bump, Deb, Februarymarie, Lindyloo and everyone else on this thread. Yes, we have each other and that brings enormous comfort to know that we are supporting each other. Bump and Jem, the days of your sons being sober/clean offer hope and we must always have that. It provides hope. I can truly identify with the forthcoming festivities and how they being all the pain to the surface. I don’t like Christmas as it epitomises all the horrible things that have gone wrong and like so many of us, we have to paint a smile on our faces. I can empathise with looking around at friends and families whose lives are not impacted by addiction and I feel like screaming ‘why, why, why? All the routine things in ‘normal’ family life like school/work/family gatherings are things that don’t happen in lives of addicts and their families; addiction has poisoned it all. The horror of my son’s addiction has impacted on me/my life in immeasurable ways that you will all understand. My heart bleeds for the hopelessness/pitifulness of all the associated happenings that I struggle to compartmentalise.I look back on the past and acknowledge that I got some things wrong in parenting; I also got some things right too. I see alot of my grandchildren (my son’s children) who I adore . As fortunate as I am to be involved in their lives, it is a reminder of the horrors of what has gone wrong with my son.
I admit to having stopped worrying about people being judgemental; I just don’t talk to anyone (except 2 people) about the path we are sharing. I don’t find it helpful and it just becomes more exhausting to deal with. I am going out for a brisk walk now, I send hope and support to you all. The sharing of info re days of being sober/clean is great to hear and cannot be overestimated in our journey of hope xxx