Thank you xxxxxx I have a few months of being normal,being myself and happy, chatting to people, then he goes awol and finds drugs again and I fall immediately into a black hole, I shake and cry without tears and feel so very very sad, and cannot feel happy about anything, I wake up a night in the same thoughts, I wake in the morning and sometimes I forget, but seconds later it all comes back and I continue with a feeling of dread. I know this is not healthy, I try to go on very wintery walks just to be in nature and have the full force of nature against me – it makes me forget and that is a good thing. I may take up outdoor swimming. I wish I could help him, but I know not to enable him, I pray that he has enough strengh of character to pull through. We know its a long time roller coaster ride and there are blips, but the blips can be so damaging. I’m so sorry ladies, I, as a mother also am on a roller coaster ride, I wish I cold write during times of good, not just in these times of dread, it will pass – it always does and we move on and deal with whatever life throws at us. Take care all, my thoughts are with you all x
