Cocaine

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    • #37798
      tanga8
      Participant

      Seriously need help or answers can cocaine make people act like they hate you. My partners was in court last wk I feel he’s been off with me for the last two yrs this is when I believe his addiction got worse. He ended our relationship last wk said his antidepressants makes him feel different towards me and that it’s over. My hearts broke in bits I love him but I’ve been lied to so much he sayssaid doesn’t hate me but acts like he does since he went to court last wk he’s a changed man again

       

    • #37807
      myfamily
      Participant

      Cocaine is a horrible drug. My partner of 8 and a half years had been taking cocaine!! He was depressed and on anti-depressants. He has lied, cheated, disappeared for days on end. I have always been supportive. But now i know the truth about the effects of cocaine. It makes them selfish, withdrawn, and eventually they loose themselves. You may try and save them, make everything better for them for a while. They can only help themselves be better. I have lost myself along the way. You become so consumed with making it better for them that you stop concentrating on you. Write down the pro’s and con’s of the relationship. Think about what he does for you and what you do for him. Is it balanced? Only you can decide what your future looks like. I wish you all the best.

    • #37865
      tanga8
      Participant

      It’s truly awful he’s ended it with me has said some truly awful things and what hurts the most he’s carrying on as if a 22 yrs relationship meant nothing to him I feel like the biggest piece of crap

       

    • #37867
      myfamily
      Participant

      Sorry to hear that. You sound like all you’ve done is be supportive. Just try and find ways to focus on yourself. At least if he does come back you will be stronger. Cocaine changes everything about a person. It makes them loose their values and spiral out of control when they become addicted. It’s sad to see and be a part of. Try and find a support group for families of addiction. It might help see that other people have similar stories.

    • #37868
      tanga8
      Participant

      Yeah he keeps saying it’s not the drugs he just doesn’t love me anymore that he hasn’t changed he seems fine with others just me but the others he’s with all take it. He is still here but makes it very obvious he doesn’t want to be even asking me last nite if I had anywhere to go so he didn’t have to sit with me. Said we will have a conversation on the second may this is the day he says he’s leaving. Said it’s not about the kids it’s me but he’s not bothering much about them either just fakes it with them. Just makes me wonder if it is his drugs doing it or if it just gives him the guts to say what he really feels

       

    • #254816
      tanga8
      Participant

      update so three wks after he ended it with me I found out he was cheating with an 18 yr old literally just turning 19 he’s 41 we have an 18 yr old son and 16 yrnold daughter he has walked out on us for her moved her in legally seven wks after leaving us wile living in homeless accomodation he’s currently in prison he gave up almost 23 yrs for someone 22 yrs younger and he has turned into a horrible person since he met her 

       

    • #254881
      Lozzy80
      Participant

      Hi Tanga

      Honestly you are better off without him. I’m so sorry you clearly really love (loved?) Him. It spirals and spirals with their addiction and it’s nothing but he’ll I wish I’d left or he left me a long time ago… but nothing is shifting him now….hes let his physical and mental health decline so bad , and has practically dragged me down with him

      So please don’t look back , the fact he is in prison at the moment says it all…  he is with someone younger who will stand for his bull shit….for now.

      I’m so sorry .. I hope in 2025 you can focus on healing yourself , and move on living a much better life … and one day, hopefully soon, you will realise how much better life is without that stress in it.

       

    • #254905
      Paul-
      Participant

      In reply to…..  Cocaine….

       

      It’s possible your partner’s personality changed from the mis-use of cocaine and over the past two years, he started to lose control of the cocaine addiction whilst the cocaine gained control over him.

      The anti-depressants can help ease the feelings of depression but they don’t replace the full, ongoing support needed for families like yourselves.

      The anti-depressants become another addiction for those in desperate need of solace and there’s no need to explain the potential harm caused if mixed with cocaine.

      As your partner’s cocaine addiction has intensified, so will the volatility in your partner’s personality.

      It’s not just the addiction, there’s the issue of dealing with the underlying cause.

      The heartbreak of having to witness the cocaine addiction consume your partner must at times be unbearable for you.

      Unfortunately and very sadly, your young adult children must also experience the heartbreak of witnessing your partner’s addiction.

      Both you and the family are paying the price of cocaine addiction and the devastation it causes.

      Although it’s hard to accept, there may be truth in what he says regarding not wanting to be with you.  The relationship may have run it’s course.

      Certainly, this is no excuse for his behaviour towards you.

      He’s struggling to keep the pretence anymore because the cocaine is taking such a hold upon him.

      In the past (and there were possible small clues of his deceitful behaviour that were barely noticed), he kept his addiction under control.

      The cocaine…  The anti-depressants…  Not dealing with the underlying issues…  A combination leading your partner to this crisis.

      What is the answer?  More anti-depressants are prescribed.

      There’s conflict within our society where there’s a growing crisis of addiction (such as cocaine), yet another growing crisis of not being able to get help.

      The crisis of addiction gets bigger….  The crisis of no help gets worse…

      As with so many people fighting their addictions, there’s the issue regarding what life story lies behind the cruel onslaught of the addiction.  There’s the vicious circle of trying to stop taking the drugs, yet the turmoil leading to the addiction is always there.

      There are so many people suffering the life-destroying effects of illegal drug addiction because they’ve had to deal with very difficult and distressing life issues.

      Illegal drugs are a form of self-medication to block out the traumas of their life journeys.

      Anti-depressants can be addictive, possibly even fuelling the cocaine addiction when mixed and when the anti-depressants are not available (due to prescription limits), more illegal drugs are needed to suppress someone’s mental health crisis.

      Anti-depressants will help only with ongoing counselling/therapy but the people are just prescribed them anyway.

      Of course, so many people are receiving these anti-depressants without dealing with their issues, through lack of time, resources and places to provide the desperate people much needed, ongoing counselling/therapy.

      The health and welfare systems seem to structure mental health treatment to limitations of  sessions, time and long waiting lists.

      Therefore, many lost souls struggling with their mental health problems either rely upon the anti-depressants or eventually turn to the illegal drugs for solace in their time of troubles.

      People such as your partner are not getting the help they need.

      The cost of healthcare is becoming more expensive as people are carefully and serenly directed by their local health centres to seek treatment for which they must pay.

      Longer waiting lists, limited time for consultations, limited appointment availability all carefully created to give this public image of incompetance so the people look elsewhere.

      The public health professionals are fighting to work their caseloads yet can’t accommodate the growing number of desperate service users, resulting in the care health professionals  being mentally and physically worn down.

      The volunteer and community services are fighting hard to help so many people dealing with addictions and mental health problems, yet are struggling to deal with those who really need ongoing, professional help.

      Escalating running and maintenance costs, combined with local government administration issues and lack of necessary finance all contribute to the pressures placed upon these life-line services.

      There are so many people in desperate need of help.

      The corporate vultures circulate high above….  They need to be satisfied in the name of their business interests.

      Your partner’s behaviour could be a cover for what he genuinely feels are his own failings and misfortunes.

      Whatever has happened during his life and your relationship/family, there’s a certainty the cocaine has contributed to the ruin of your relationship.

      However.  Your partner’s cocain addiction isn’t your fault and he still did make the choice to keep mis-using the drug.

      He’s turning his back on a good, loving relationship and a family.  Although he says it’s not the drugs and he really means the horrible things he says to you…

      It’s his way of avoiding something he cannot control nor face the truth about his addiction. .

      The cocaine does contribute to his behaviour, yet your partner’s direction of blame towards you are his way of denying the addiction.

      When it suits, he’ll use his cocaine addiction as an excuse.

      Your partner seems unwilling to admit he can’t control his addiction, so uses you as his central point of blame.

      He can’t really blame anyone else for his misfortunes but himself.

      He made his choices, whereas you have had no choice but to put up with his addiction and behaviour.

      Our society has a major epidemic of illegal drug addiction which will certainly get worse in the future.

      It’s a sad situation but if your partner is not willing to help himself, then you may have to completely end this relationship.

      He’s now embarking on a relationship with someone much younger.

      Perhaps a new beginning awaits him – and for you.

      Looking positively.  Maybe this new girl is infatuated by a forty year old cocaine addict and could be the change he needs.

      She may even help and console him.

      Yet you say he’s become horrible since being with her.

      Could she have considerable influence over him?

      Will he treat her the same way?

      Who knows.

      From what you’ve written, he’s now in prison.  Could that change his ways?

      Will the prison service be of help to him?  Will he just finish his punishment time and just be sent back out there to continue his cocaine addiction?

      Will there be ongoing help for him after leaving prison?

      Many people in need.  Not enough help available.

      If this new, blossoming relationship fails and he has nowhere else to go after prison, he’ll possibly be asking for your forgiveness.  That will be your choice alone.

      You’re already proving to yourself that you can re-build an independent life without your partner (or ex-partner).

      He needs to get help to resolve his cocaine addiction.

      More importantly, you need to take care of yourself and young adult children, who’ll need your support in this ever increasingly challenging life.

      Your partner – whatever relationship choices he makes – will not be able to carry on with his cocaine addiction because of the long term physical and mental health damage.

      He needs to wake up to this, if he wants to salvage something from your long relationship, such as maintaining polite communications with you and his children.

      It’s all very sad.  There are so many lost souls turning to these drugs as a way of coping with the complications, stresses and attrition of modern, daily life.

      The illegal drug trade is permeating through our society and people are using these drugs as a form of self-medication because they are not able to receive the help they so desperately need.

      However.  Whatever happens in his life, your partner (or ex-partner) is going to have to make some decisions for himself.  He’s the only one who can do that.

      If he chooses to continue a relationship with his young partner, then so be it.

      How long the relationship will last is another matter because his new partner may not tolerate his behaviour if he treats her the same as you.

      It may come over as being cruel, but if he does come knocking on your door in search of forgiveness, he’ll need to fight for the help he needs or….

      You’ll have to shut the door on him and focus on yourself and your children.

       

       

      Paul…..

       

       

       

       

       

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