[EllieMae12]

Good Morning everyone, I am new to this site.  My child is a grown man who has substance abuse problems, severe depression and anxiety.  This has been going on for many years.  I have always tried to help an be supportive, and up until covid probably he always worked and managed to hold things together.  Of course covid brought it’s own problems and things went downhill from there.  He’s not had a job for quite a while now because of his problems.  He has tried CGL a few times at my request but says that does not help.  I’ve lost count of the times I’ve contacted mental health and asked for their help as he’s talked about suicide many times, but anti depressants haven’t helped and after 6 weeks are discharged from their services regardless.  I have a close friend who is very supportive but am mindful of how much one person can keep listening to even though they assure me they are ok – after all they have a life too and it’s not their fault. People say look after yourself and I have tried but am now at the point where – and I could have gone on holiday now but – could be a million miles away but I can’t get away from the fear in my own mind of what is happening.  I feel I am watching him slowly die before my eyes and am powerless to stop it.  This thing is killing the both of us – and I don’t even take drugs.  I know there is no answer but just wanted to talk anonymously to others who are in a similar position.  Thanks for listening

[Bella]

Hi I’m also new to this site and what made me join was reading your story. To be honest it’s almost like reading my own story , you are not alone out there although at times it does feel like it when you struggle to get help.

[EllieMae12]

Hi, It was nice to get your reply.  Yes sometimes you feel so alone even though you are not, but I feel such despair and helplessness as there just doesn’t seem to be an answer.  That makes it difficult to see anything beyond this.  Can I ask how long your loved one has had this problem?

[leo]

Hello I am new to this site and your story is a mirror of my own as well. My son is managing to hold on to jobs but his moodiness means he does fall out with people so it’s always a worry about how long it will last and whether he is drinking while at work (he says he doesn’t any ore but I just don’t know) . I love him so much and have tried to support him for the last 15 years of his drinking which has just steadily got worse,  through a CGL detox programme last year, paying his rent for that month so he could take the time needed to end one job, do the detox and find a new one. He’s losing friends, has upset family members and he only really has me and one other left, plus a couple of decent friends who stick by him for now. He won’t take his antidepressants. I do have a couple of supportive friends who are there for me but as you said they have their own lives and can’t fully understand. I think my son has ADHD and this leads him to need to calm himself through weed and drink but I just don’t know where it’s going to end as he’s has also spoken about suicide. He can be so nasty and hurtful when he’s been drinking, dismissive of me when I try to talk to him even when relatively sober, but is actually a loving person but he just can’t find it within himself to change his ways. Thank you for reading and I hope you’re doing OK and managing to have some good days. I’ve just spent the weekend away from him and deliberately not spoken to him for 2 days just to give myself a couple of days headspace. You aren’t alone x

[EllieMae12]

Hi,  I am glad you have had the weekend away from him and I know that’s not easy to do.  I think we have become so entangled in their lives that we feel we always have to be there, on stand by, in case ‘something’ happens – I feel like I am constantly waiting and on edge.  I feel I am walking a very thin line between sanity and insanity most of the time.  As you say it gives you a bit of headspace if nothing else- I hope you managed to enjoy that a little bit. I try – I went to a show at the weekend that my grand daughter took part in and that was a few hours of music and colour and uplifting.  My son is doing a couple of jobs for me in the house although not finished them yet.  He can turn his hand to all sorts of things and capable of lots but over the years he has slowly lost all confidence in himself, feels useless and does not come to any family get togethers now as he says he feels ashamed and can’t face them.  This is a sad state of affairs.  Does your son live quite near to you?  Thank you for your kind assurance that I am not alone – I think communicating with other mothers like yourself is a comfort.  Please post again on here and let me know how things are even if nothing much changes or maybe your son may just have ‘one good day’ now and again.  That will be something, an achievement in itself we have to celebrate these small things now.  Bye for now.

[sarahg]

Hi I joined this site a few years back when I was struggling with my son. I’m going through the exact situation as you and things just seem to be getting worse. My son is an alcoholic, cocaine addict also has serious gambling problems they also seem to go hand in hand. He was 17 when we first realised he had a problem smoking weed and getting drunk and staying out all weekend, then he moved onto cocaine and has done ketamine and god knows what else. My husband and I have a daughter who is the complete opposite went to uni, gotta good job, bought a house with her boyfriend, my son the complete opposite he was a shy boy, but got into football and had a good group of friends until they all tried drugs and he was the one who got addicted. We have thrown him out, he was living in his car till it packed up, moved into a drugs den, unable to hold down a job, shoplifting to survive you just couldn’t make it up. He was in hospital got seen by the mental health team, went to turning point, but still continued to use . He has lied and manipulated us so many times and we fall for it every time. We had him back with us to live us on and off for the last few years but can only go a week or two without using. I am so heartbroken, and my mental health is through the roof, I’ve never cried over anyone so much. To top everything off we found out he got this girl he was seeing for a few months pregnant and is expecting his daughter, we all thought he would change but nope, she has just thrown him out, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I completely understand what you are going through there just seems no way out. Sorry for the rant!

[EllieMae12]

Please don’t apologise.  Although we are all strangers here we are mums and dads who – unfortunately have one thing in common.  I’m not surprised your mental health is so bad and like you I have cried and cried to the point of exhaustion when alone.  None of us has the answers and I am trying to accept what my son said a few weeks ago that I couldn’t fix him nor was it my job, it was up to him.  Of course it’s natural to try.  He is still trying, did come and do the diy jobs he promised to do a couple of days ago.  I am sorry that everyone is having such a bad time and it does seem at the moment that there is no way out.  All we can do I think is tell them that we love them and listen when they want to talk and hope that somehow there will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel that we are all in and that they will see that light and make a better life for themselves.  Please post again everyone just to rant or talk – let’s support each other.

[Author]

Posts