[cally1001]

Hi Everyone I haven’t been on the site for nearly 2 years but got a notification via email so thought I would reply and let you all know the outcome.

It’s not pretty I am afraid!! My advice is run and run away as fast as you can and do not look back.

I am living proof that no matter what you do they will not change or stop it’s impossible (Maybe a few stories you may hear of people recovering but very few!)

I have just come out in the other side after 2 years, my story got so much worse and the things I found out he had done etc I won’t go into them as I know how your feeling now and it won’t help. I am divorced now aswell.

There was nothing absolutely nothing I could have done, I may as well have smashed my head into a brick wall and got better sense.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome, that’s the world your living in now, sorry to be blunt.

They will always see you as the problem so it really doesn’t matter what you do so my advice and really take what I am saying is run, save so much pain and headache and look after yourself and your families.

I lost 4 stone, nearly lost my mind, blamed myself, I have lived a total living hell. Please don’t do the same.

I have realised that I was as addicted to him as he was to drugs and I was so codependent.

I can honestly say my life is so much better now, I left a great career and bought a little cafe, I am single but learning to love me and be on my own as I am not ready to be with anyone. That’s another piece of advice don’t rush into any relationships if you do leave, whatever hurt your feeling you will take to the next.

I really wish you all well and it breaks my heart to hear your stories.

By the way my ex is “apparently” clean now living with a woman who has funded a new business???? things don’t change they just move to another person. I wish you all the luck in the world.xx

[cally1001]

Hi Winnie

So sorry to hear your story.

So similar to mine, we didn’t have kids thank god so I don’t know how you cope.

Not going into any details as it’s all been said before if you read my messages but my ONLY advice is to run, run as far away as you can.

People may say that’s not right and you should make your own decisions etc but believe me from the heart the coke has won.

My divorce came through in June and I am so happy as I have no financial ties now; the man has spent in total 58k since December I kid you not

I had a wonderful caring kind husband but when it got to the point he was on the couch and his nose literally coming out in a tissue and he thought I was the devil in his psychosis I realised he was gone.

I don’t like to talk too much on here as it’s hard when you are going through things but if you want I can send my number and we can have a chat.

It’s a very cruel drug and I would not wish it on my enemy.

It gets better but it takes time a long time somprepare yourself I won’t sugar coat it.xx

[cally1001]

Hi

Same happened to me as all your stories, that drug really is the devil!

I will be divorced in 3 weeks, we were together 13 and married 3.

Funny thing is I had no idea until he could not hide it anymore, we had a great life god jobs etc.

I have since found out he did it all along and about 2.5 years ago that’s when it took hold properly.

Fast forward and what I have found out;

Thousands gone

Lost jobs

Not coming home

Escorts

The lies

The deceit

The man I loved changing into a monster

Left in December was with a 20 year old 2 weeks later (he 42) and asking her to marry him????

Now with some old one with 2 kids

The list goes on.

I was lucky I didn’t have kids, I separated all finances so his debt is NOT my debt.

I hate to say it but there are not many success stories, for your own life I would say leave!!

I lost over 3 stone, hair fell out and I thought I could never cope without him as I was so co-dependent.

But guess what, 6 hard difficult months later I feel so much better.

I wake up and go to sleep with no stress, my life is my own, that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach has gone, it’s wonderful.

There is light at the end of the tunnel but you have to make the decision to detach and leave or if you don’t it will carry on and on and on.

I wish everyone well.xx

[cally1001]

Hi everyone

Not been on for a long while.

I will be divorced in 3 weeks ????

I would like to say things got better but they did not!! After my last post I found out he was living with a 20 year old.

The girl contacted me as nothing made any sense to her what he was saying about me. She had left him and funny enough we are friends now as I have been helping her as he really played a number in her aswell.

He is now with another woman about 45 so no age discrimination!!

The last 6 months have been hell but with help and support I am on the other side now.

Yes I am in debt, yes I have been hurt but god do I feel free!!

I found out so much about what he had been up to and it sickens me to think I lived with this man but as I said above I am free now and I can honestly say I dint think of him at all, maybe passing thoughts but that’s it.

Cocaine for me is the worst drug, it actually changes the person forever.

What has come out if this is I am a better person, more relaxed, happy, sociable etc so although it’s wasnt a good ending for the toxic marriage it was for me.

I hope everyone the best of luck but please anyone in the same situation please get out that’s my only advice. It’s not as scary as you think .xxxx

[cally1001]

Excellent you are saving money, no matter how big or small it may be!

It really does help writing things down.

We should get together and do a book that goes to schools on why you should not take drugs it would be a bestseller????

I have always prided myself in being strong and independent and I am pissed off that I let This take over my life.

We are all worth more and we need to be strong! This site is really good for us as we know we are not alone.xxxx

[cally1001]

Thanks everyone.

Not going to lie been difficult but onwards and upwards.

I have started writing a journal for all my thoughts and when you read it, it hits home what’s has actually happened!

Unconscious in the car cracked out of his brain, all the money in the account dissappearing, lies, deceit, ill health, binges, comedowns, false promises, 3 jobs lost, selling our lovely home, etc etc etc!!

Why did I stay??? I should have gone years ago!

To think he still blames me for his drug taking it really is starting to be laughable.

Hope everyone is ok.x

[cally1001]

Update on mine, he went into work and was drug tested at 06:30! Says he has been sacked.

I have moved today, had 5 friends helping and it look amazing.

Today is the start of a new life for me.

Thanks for all your support guys.

Cheers

Elaine

[cally1001]

He earns a lot of money in his job and also had 30k half the profit from our house sale.

Yes he is taking loads he must be he o my has 17k left since Nov and his wage on top!

Although he is not in work today he has been of a lot and his only a newish job, can’t see it lasting he was sacked from his last one.

I think he must be seeing her but that in itself is awful not because I am jealous but he could be her dad just so wrong, she is a young Asian girl (not that has anything to do with it) but must think he is something he is not or as you say she takes it aswell.

He and his sister are saying she has left now as she was upset when I turned up and felt sorry for me as I was crying, why would a flat mate be arsed!

I know I am best out if it but I just can’t get the man I married out if my head and still stupidly believe he is in there somewhere I know I am delusional!

Cheers

[cally1001]

Hi Dan

He is a operations manager with a large firm and this girl worked at the same place so even that is weird in itself as I do the same job and I would certainly raise eyebrows where I work, but I know they spoke from time to time, he can be a charmer as well and she will be impressionable.

Unless like bluebell says she also takes coke so he has a little side kick, the guy I know would be horrified if his friend was going that etc, our niece who we love is 20 just so wrong!

He definitely hasn’t cut down he looks grey and I always know what someone tells you how much you should double or triple the guy is too far gone.

Not sure if you read any of my other posts but he was having it every day and he said he was goin 2 eight balls in easy on a binge and whatever else he takes.

Your right he is on another planet but that’s whats hard as he really was a decent guy b4 all this but I think some people are beyond or don’t want help.

Cheers

[cally1001]

Thanks bluebell means a lot.

I will definitely take you up on that offer, no one understands unless they have been through it.

When I spoke to his sister earlier she did act shocked when I said they are together as she has been to the flat and said they are flat mates sharing bills but he lies to everyone they have no idea how bad he is as he hides it well.

His sister told me the girl has left as she was upset to see me crying as the girl txt her, why would she txt his sister if she is just a flat mate all very bizarre.

Find it so strange, it’s not that I am jealous far from it I just find it quite disturbing at his age either way if nothing happening or it is it’s jus not right either way!

He has told me many times his family hate me, I said this to his sister today and she was angry she said I have never said that in fact she has always said she wishes she was more like me, strong and take no shit (not at the moment ????)

I suppose I am just heartbroken all this has happened, I have tried to see it is the drugs but emotions just take over.

I am seeing a councillor and she says the same, I have to mourn the dreams I have lost and at the moment it’s irrelevant about the drugs as my emotions only see my husband has left me which makes sense.

I feel for you as you are tied to him with the kids, so I should be happy really I can just walk away which I will but just hard at the moment.

I move house tomorrow on my own me and the dog so I am hoping this will be my fresh start.

I hated drugs anyway before all this and I detest them now, they are the work of the devil. The people taking them do not realise how many people they hurt for every drug addict suffering there must be 10+ people in the background suffering but got no drugs to hide behind and when the shit hits the fan the addict gets all the help and becomes the victim (sorry if that offends anyone trying to recover), makes no bloody sense.

He had 30k when he left in Nov he now has 17k left, if he says 17 you can bet it is less!!

I think if he was down and out no job and no money it would make sense to me but as he is still functioning (for now) just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Then I feel guilty that I want him to lose everything but I think for someone like him that is the only way now.

Just so sad.

Cally.x

[cally1001]

Hi

Me again!

Just wanted some advice, bluebell and Danman any ideas on the below?

Had no contact for 5 weeks with my husband.

So I found where my husband is living he ordered something from just eat from my account so could see his address!!

Against my better judgement I went there as had some paperwork and needed to know what was going on with divorce etc.

I got there and there was a young girl in there with him he is 42 and she is 22, so I knocked and said to him that’s the final kick in the teeth etc and was upset.

He came out and said what do you think I am a weirdo??? We are flat mates sharing half the bills etc.

I drove home and 1hr later he turns up crying saying he had to give me space what he has done to me is unacceptable. He said he hadn’t stopped Coke but was not doing as much. He said he could not come home as if he did it again to me it would destroy me. He said I was a beautiful person and deserve more and I am too good for him.

He transferred £1500 into my account as he knows I am struggling with bills etc.

He said he knows he loves me but feels empty and is just angry all the time etc.

He left then rang the next day and was like a different person, saying you have to move on it’s hard but dint live you.

He then rang later saying I have bought you these vitamins as you look to thin and I will transfer more money over.

His sister has just rang and said have you seen him? He is off work today (4th time in a new job) so it will be curtains for him this time I reckon?

My head is all over the place at the moment.

Thanks

Cally

[cally1001]

Also with the amount he was taking could he just stop?

That’s what he has told friends etc?

Also must mention he was on steroids aswell spent a lot of time in the gym where a lot of this started!

[cally1001]

I Used to live close Bolton and it’s true, I am originally from Liverpool which is even worse!!!

All you hear is sniff sniff, I remember always coming out of the toilet saying to my husband how disgusting it was etc and he used to agree!!! He was bloody doing it aswell!!

Long story short I have already posted my story but he for the last 12 years was having it occasionally apparently but last 2 years 6 months after we married it hit it hard!

Only found out in Dec 17, tried to make a go if it From march 18 but in Nov 18 he admitted he had never stopped.

He was having appox 1 gram a day and would disappear some weekends and o would see 500-1000 go out the bank.

He came back in Dec for 2 weeks and was hallucinating seeing the devil etc and could not stop, first time I had seen it with my own eyes.

I haven’t left him he left me in Xmas eve saying he could not do this together and I didn’t deserve it!

Not seen it heard anything since frost week in Jan.

Danman maybe you can answer, Would someone leave for their wife because it’s nit fair or would it be so he could take it without the so called nagging?

Thanks

[cally1001]

Just thought on your not supposed to use names are you? Must remember that next time

[cally1001]

Hi

Sorry your having a sad day, tomorrow will be better!

I have been packing today as I move next weekend just me and the dog into a nice cottage so hoping that helps, no memories.

Been a crap today for me aswell today.

It’s just all the lies and manipulation isn’t it? As I said I don’t have kids so god knows how you are coping!

Well done for doing the flat pack yourself!!! Another thing you don’t need him for and each day you will realise more and more than hat you can do no matter how small.

My mind just does not switch off. He had been gone awhile now but even tonight I am looking at his old phone bills and bank statements and putting them against txt and photos trying to work out if he was doing it on certain days etc, WHY it’s not doing me any good just making me nuts????

For him to have no contact this long I also think he is with someone else and like you it will be someone younger who takes drugs, no other “normal woman” would want him!

I know what you mean, everything and I mean everything he has achieved or learnt has been because of me, even down to food and wine and I can imagine him with someone telling them the vintage of a wine etc and it pisses me off!!

Below is one of the last txt he sent me, the next day he rang and called me a c**t and wanted a divorce it’s so weird! James is my brother and Isabella my niece just to explain the txt

Your right!

Your an amazing woman!

You just out grown me!

As much as I say you hurt me I loved so much more about you!

Your the best thing that ever happened to me!

As confidence I say you took from me you give me more other ways!

I know 100% I would not have achieved whatI have without you!

I am wrong for al the things I have been saying I let you down.

Sorry for ruining everything and for everything I have put you through!

You were my everything and I let you down and give up!

I thank you so much for looking after me! Everything you hate I become. Sorry for your letting you down !

Your the best and will never forget my Elaine

Sorry for everything baby x

Run as far away from me as I will drag you down !

I have said things about James but only out of anger! You always said I reminded you of James but you were wrong!!! He is 10 of me! Please tell James I am sorry for letting him down! We were never to close but I genuinely thought a lot of him. Some times wish we spoke more.

Last thing!

Tell Izzy to remember Shannon and not this thing I turned into! She’s amazing! Light of our life

You need anything and I mean anything you ring

Xxxx

[Author]

Posts