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Afternoon Hadenough, Its hard as a parent, but what you have to think is by enabling him you are adding to his problem…For me that was the hardest thing to learn. Every time you pull out your purse, your sending him the message its ok for him to do what he is doing…He wont like it, he will hate you for it, but he wont stop loving you….ONLY he can break his addiction….Keep trying hunny, and soon he WILL get it!!! sending hugs xxx
SWITCH YOUR PHONE OFF……..he will soon get the message and as Max has said delete his texts…….BEFORE reading them…..I hate the world we have all been thrust in, I hate his so called mates who were no where to be seen in court, I hate his lies, but I KNOW it was his choice….and not mine!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP ENABLING HIM……If he is in a flat im guessing he is an adult. Start taking control back and do the best thing you can for your son…let him get on with it and every time he come rounds causing trouble call the police……I know it sound harsh, but until you do something drastic and let him know you wont put up with it, then this will escalate, and get worse…..I know its hard.. I would also tell your parents not to answer the phone to him or the door…he is int he throws of addiction, and the son you once knew has all but gone….DONT BE PART OF HIS ADDICTION……Hugs to you xxxx
Im on a FB page for parents with addicted kids..I dont comment, purely because I dont want friends knowing my business…..BUT, the message that is clear as day is to stop doing anything for them…..I have been guilty of still letting him come to mine for tea. lunch but not if he has taken anything….My son wants me to send him a postal order for Prison, but I wont…..Ive written, and explained briefly, but what I really need to do is tell him how his addiction has effected us…what he has stolen, how his lies effected us and me as a mother…..thats going to be hard for sure…. He has already put out a hand for help, and I hope when he gets out he continues…. Sad and tired..you are a remarkable mother, pulling away does 2 things….1- gives you back some of your independance from your son and 2…. lets your son know its his choice……… Im not saying give up on him, far from it, bu offer that support when he is ready…..hugs to you all xxx
Ladies it seems our loves mirror each other…Each of us at different stages…but I CANT SAY IT ENOUGH……..STOP ENABLING !!!! It has to be the hardest thing a parent can do, but I came to the conclusion, if he wanted to take that rubbish, he would have to find other ways of paying for it…bank of mum was most definately closed !!! I am thankful for the wonderful people I have met on here…and have taken comfort too…..
Max, im so pleased your son is on his road to recovery. As sad and tired has said, we have all been at the end of the abuse….its upto us to stop the enabling and for a parent that is the HARDEST thing to do. It was like a bereavement when I finally faced what ha been staring me in the face for a long time…My son is an addict…he may not do it every day, but he uses on a regular basis. I had to tell ll my family NOT to give him any money, to put up with the lying, the stealing is the worse…..All the excuses, all the threats to kill himself……A light eventually went on, and from then on I told him he was on his own. He is at the moment in prison doing a 4 month sentence…..and I truly hope when he gets out he resumes the counselling he had started ..He too has said he has had enough, I just hope he is strong enough. Never give up on your kids, they too deserve a happier life!!
Hows things going Stacey???? hope you are ok, and taking care of yourself xxx
Hey Nitty……come on hunni, your not alone….After reading through your posts It looks like you have already made your decision..perhaps saying it loud is too final…..dont let this man take up any more of your time, love and care. He is an addict and his only concern is drugs…. get him out of your home because YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE ! I know you said that family members have been in hospital recently, but is there any one of them you can confide in and get some support from??? If not then enlist a friend to help you through this hard time…you need support, and you deserve to live a life without someone’s addiction enveloping you . Take care hunni, many of us here are happy to support you…thinking of you xx
Hey Nitty…..sounds like his love for drugs far exceeds his love for you….thats drugs and the pull they have. Unfortunately he is dragging you down and until you start looking after yourself and putting yourself first it will never stop….my next question is why are you still with him??? Until he wants the help he will never change… You say you feel alone…well why not be alone without the stress…I know it sounds hard, but whilst you enable him to stay with you nothing will change.. Take care hunni x
Hey hunni’s hope your both ok. So he managed to get another job, and wants you to pay so he can use his car..well there are buses, cab’s, trains his legs……sorry but I know from reading what he has put you through, and by bailing him out again, you will be enabling him….Tell him he will have to deal with this one himself, and save the money from his wages to pay for it…..I totally agree with concerned mum…..we have to stop giving in cause we feel its duty to help out……Stay strong…. xxx
As a mother, the hardest thing to do when your child is addicted to substances / alcohol is watch the downward spiral of despair in their eyes when they so obviously need their “fix”. It took me over 3 years to realise that I was his top enabler…..The lightbulb went on and I thought enough is enough. The empty promises, the stealing, the lying, and the abuse is hellish….My son first entered YO and did 2 stints in there..more like a youth club than somewhere where these young lads could get the right rehabilitation…Now at nearly 24 he is into his fourth day of prison…serving a 4 month sentence….What is really sad is that he had come to me prior to his sentencing, and asked for help……We had got him private counselling and he was really trying to get ahead….I can sleep knowing where he is, BUT, I also hope he thinks long and hard about how his life has panned out so far…..Seems all of us parents on here are and have gone through similar experiences. IF theres one piece of advice I took and would give, it would be DO NOT ENABLE YOUR CHILD TO CONTINUE TO DESTROY THEIR LIFE…..Make it as hard for them as possible, cause once they hit rock bottom, the only way is UP!!! Hugs and love to you all. xxx
Your son KNOWS what a SPECIAL mother he has….when he needs you he will come……ive cried today, NO ive sobbed….not sure why but sat in the car on my way to my dads…when I got to dads he was amazing…this 75 year old man who spent over 30 years in the army craddled me like he use to when I was achild and it felt good…..still feel low this evening but my family are amazing..all supporting us, and that in itself makes me feel grateful… Praying for all us parents, to find the strength to continue….NEVER GIVE UP X
Im glad he is taking his addiction seriously..atleast he has a chance..addiction is the hardest thing to beat so he will need lots of support and so will you….This group has been a godsend for me, and given me the resolve to get tough! Stay strong sweetheart and DONT drop your guard….it will be hard for him, but keep that support going and pushing him …I know at the end of the day its down to him…the only wake up call will come from him…..he needs to want it enough, and be the dad he should be, cause whilst he is using he isnt being that dad….and it will effect your son, cause kids arent stupid!! Sending hugs and love…take care of yourself and I really hope things get better and there are lots of us here if you need anything xxx
Morning Sue…….its a hell we are living in…..My guess is he is somewhere with other addicts…Your tough love hasnt backfired at all hunni…he just isnt coming round because you choose not to be around him on drugs….You have stopped enabling him and that in itself is good…..Dont be hard on yourself…as you say he is 34 and its HIS choice to take drugs….addiction is hard and I know that 99% of addicts hate it…..The sad thing is we cant save them, its really down to them… Dont give up, stay strong cause all our kids deserve to have that chance…I pray every night for all our addicted kids…and I will never give up on my son…I JUST CHOOSE TO STOP ENABLING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! My son started a 4 month prison sentence yesterday….just as things were looking better…I know it sounds crappy, but last night I felt at ease, knowing where he was…I hope to god he uses that time to reflect on the road he has been travelling on
sending hugs, strength and love to you Sue, and not forgetting Fiona or any of the other mums and dads living this hell…..xxxxxxxxHey KF……What a hellish time you have had. The biggest thing I will say after reading your story is what impact has all this had on your child??? You know you cant save him, he has to want to save himself, and no amount of love will change that fact. You may not want to hear this, but I would let him get on with it. Your priority is your child…your son deserves to be in a drug free environment. EVERY time your son witnesses anything to do with drugs it chips away at what he believes to be normal family life…. Hunni theres no doubt you love him, but I bet you love your son too…….He is an adult and has made and keeps making his choice….I really hope there comes a point when he thinks enough is enough……take care xxx