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Hey Squidgy….i feel so sad reading your post…I’m a mother of a lad of 25 who has done drugs for several years and is trying to get his life sorted…he was in recovery for over a year, had a great job and relapsed…I’d hate to think my son could be doing drugs in his 40s…the depression is a side effect of all the drugs you do, including prescription…..please, please, please take that step, cause Anne 1 has given great advice…life is easier to handle when your not taking drugs /alcohol/prescription drugs to get through the day…good luck Hunni xxx
Hi Mrs M….you don’t have to turn your back…..it’s hard watching family members destroy thrmselves….please stop enabling him though, something I learned after constsntly trying to bail my son out..I will not be part of the problem…because whilst your paying his bills he can still do drugs….take some time out for you and family, come to some agreement where you all stick to doing the same thing regarding your brother….I got the whole fsmily involved and told them not to give him money at all..not to give him a bed when he was high….bloody hard, but he knows the ground rules…..hugs and love to you …take care xxx
Kyle, you are wonderful…your grandkids deserve to be safe,and what your son n partner do isn’t safe..their behaviour impacts on the kids….if they want to do drugs let them, but keeping kids in that environment is scary! Hugs to you wonderful man xxxx
Tough love works…my son will be 25 years old Sunday…they are men not kids,,,it took me a while to change my mindset, but we can’t save them, we can only support them ..and I only support him, when he’s trying to recover….they drain every emotion out of you, frustrate you, and lie….the worst thing is you want to believe their far stretched stories, well reality check..don’t believe a thing they say, don’t give them money because all your doing is enabling them to continue with their behaviour….t took me 4 years to realise I wasn’t enough, and my heart ached for the handsome, articulate lad I had who would do anything for anyone…..I now get support from a parent group , and will not be part of the problem…..I love my son completely, and always will, but will only support him, whilst he’s trying to get clean….stay strong ladies and read everything and anything you can…try and find local support groups and hold your heads up high xxxxx
Having a child who is addicted is a nightmare…and it never ends…..they lie, become really good at it, steal , show no respect and treat others like dirt….I’ve been there……my son was in recovery for over a year then has 2 months of doing alcohol, weed, miow moiw and anything else….I stopped all contact…I don’t need that shit in my life…you may think I’m cruel, but it works for me and he knows I will only be around when he gets back on the recovery train….I don’t want to hear how shit his life is…he made the decision to take drugs so if it’s shit, it’s his own doing…forward fast to yesterday…he rings me, tells me has made an appointment for today to see his drug counsellor and doctor….could I take him? So I pick him up from his counsellor and all I hear is poor me…so I tell him to get out the car and contact me, when he is serious…I’m so sick of his self pity! It’s his birthday Sunday and I can’t believe he’s still messing up…time will tell. I pray he pulls his head out of his pitying arse and mans up…I know he has it in him to do it…..stay strong ladies….xxxxx
Jade please get some support…is there any relatives you can talk to? Grandparents? If not try a local support group, it really does help….I’m so sorry you have to deal with this and cannot imagine how you cope…..sending hugs and love xxx
The hardest thing a parent can do is ask their child to leave…however, the impact he had on the rest of the fsmily was detrimental in the worst way. We set our AS up with a flat, helped him, and he caused nothing but bother…blamed us, constsntly demanding money….I educated myself, sought help then kicked him out. I didn’t speak to him other than to tell him, he could be in our lives when he decided to change. No bullshit! That was over a year ago, and it’s been hard , and we still get the phone calls, but for other reasons. He is trying to recover, and finds it extremely hard. Life is hard for addicts trying to get clean…but the light at the end of the tunnel is glimmering. I’m sure there will be more times when he finds it hard, but for now he’s trying…he has a job, sees his son , which is a godsend…..drug addicts don’t want to be addicts….that’s the saddest part. Hugs and prayers to you both xxx
I use to feel such guilt, but not any more. I raised my son to know right from wrong, always championed him in everything he did as a boy, showered him with love and felt such pride. That changed when he started taking drugs. I enabled him due to the guilt, because I thought it was obviously something I had done. Raised him wrong, done something? Well how wrong I was….it took me a while to realise…after putting up with lying, stealing, verbal abuse, anger outbursts….then I got tough….your son is 32, and can take care of himself…give him that responsibility…and stick to your guns. The penny will drop eventually….tough love is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but, something I knew was right. I now have a better relationship with him and he knows the boundaries…good luck and if you can get support for you! Hugs xxx
Thankyou for those words….heart breaking but very true . Sending hugs x
Oh Hunni, I feel so sad for your sister…as a mother of an AS the hardest thing to do is stop enabling. It took me 4 years before the light went on, and since then I’ve kicked him out, had to call the police when he went to my mothers and started kicking off and told him we were done, and would have no more contact till ge made changes…it’s been hard, my son is in recovery, and has relapsed,mad a breakdown,but he is making small changes…..I’m sure wecwill still have challenges, but your sister should feel safe in her own home…..I truly believe that withdrawing from my son was the best thing I could have done for him. He has a job, sees his son and even though he still makes some poor decisions, I see a man who really wants to get well….I hope our story has helped in some way….sending love x
Sue , just re read your post…please please please see your doctor and get some support…you have been through so much…we all need help at times…if your on facebook let me know and we can converse….and you can offload any time…my son is still in recovery…hard but he’s getting there slowly…hugs my love xxxx
Hi Sue,sorry I haven’t replied earlier, been away..oh lord, the tears I have whilst reading what you have been through…your poor son has been through so much..sending love and hugs, and I hope you all get through this. Sue, you are a remarkable mother, and I truly hope that your son makes a recovery and can start his life fresh….will check in but know my prayers will be for your family…sending much love xxxxxxx
I know Hunni, most of us have suffered in one way or another….your story sounds similar to mine,and my son has stolen and lied from his family, caused chaos, treated us like dirt on his shoe…..after coming on this group and educating myself I got tough….he’s 24 now and getting there..back in work, providing for his son….and I have a younger child too, so coming home was never an option whilst he was addicted…tough I know, but I kept the door ajar and told him I would be there when he was serious about getting help….it’s been nearly a year, and it’s hard for him, but he takes one day at a time….keep strong and get yourself some support…hugs xxxx
Oh Maddie I so feel your desperation in your words. None of us have the answers, only how we have dealt with things. I’m guessing he is in his 20s now..well he’s classed as an adult and makes his own choices, but so do you Hunni..get tough, and stick to it…now that’s harder than it sounds, but for your own well being ,until he really is ready then the madness will continue as will his manipulation…try and find a support group for YOU…remember you are not alone xxxxhugs xxx
Hey frantic mum…haven’t been on for a while and saw your post….oh Hunni, no words I can say to make things better..I hope he gets through this and gets Back on that road to recovery…here if you need me xxxxx