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Ive heard it all…the wanting to kill themselves, the people after them, the dire BS……..I withdrew from it all, and stopped all communication ….that hurt him the most, and he then knew he had to sort himself out, if he ever wanted to be the father he kept saying he was…He is at this moment keeping appointments with counselors, medical staff, recruitment consultants…he had all but deleted the so called friends he hung out with…We know its hard, we know at any time he could relapse, and we know this is HIS fight……Im apprehensive, scared and at the same time hopeful…..and when I see him, he is clear eyed looking healthier and calm..I can converse with him, laugh and see he is trying….Today he rang me in the morning inviting me to breakfast….he had been to the job centre, then had a 30 minute training session on interviewing skills…I know it doesnt sound alot, but I felt proud of him..I could have burst….he ended the phone call by telling me he loved me……now that in itself is a mamoth step forward…
Its a hard one…as her mother you know her best, however I would be scared to let her go…..Do what you think is best hunni xx
The only advice I can give you is keep your son and yourself safe….the harm it does to a child seeing all the aggression and arguments is heart breaking and has reprecussions later on in life…Love is blind and whether its a partner, son or parent it hurts like mad…BUT, your son deserves better, and as his mother you need to make some hard decisions to keep him safe. Hope this helps xxxx
Hey Fiona….your words resinate with all us parents when we say the dealers should do the sentence too……You are a wise woman who has been there, supported and loved your son, and I doubt that will change…the only person that needs to change is James, whether its in prison or not, only he can make that change..Sending you much love, support and a massive cyber hug…. xxxxx
Oh my..what a truly wonderful parent you are….I only wonder when it will end whilst you continue to enable…and as for the rest of your family, its such a shame you all have to endure her pain on a regular basis… BUT, there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough…Addicts are manipulators, liars, thieves and until she can put someone before herself then I would let her get on with it…..Im interested to know who pays for her car?? I really hope you start to concentrate on yourself and the rest of the family xxxx
Hey Fiona…..that was just the news I needed to hear……I am in awe if those addicts that beat this terrible illness……..hugs to you and your son xxxxx
Hey hun……its hard isnt it…..There is a real pattern to him using, and there is a real pattern to you bailing him out all the time…..You are enabling him and whilst you continue to do so, you are part of his addiction……I dont mean to sound harsh, but from what you have said, he isnt ready to quit just yet…..We have all been down this road, and the next hardest part is to stop handing out money….cause it will never end……Ive heard it all..he is going to kill himself, someone is after him cause he owes them money….sadly im imune to it all now and dont give him ANYTHING…..He cant come home cause I dont want his addiction in the house..ive had over 4 years of it and like you been at my wits end..at times wanting to walk away and leave myself…What you need is support..its his addiction not yours…… The excuses will continue to fly if you let them…get tough and stop enabling him…and find a local support group for YOU….. We love our kids, and the worst thing is seeing them take this rubbish…….massive hugs to you xxxxx
Yet again Im bought to tears…Another child loosing the fight against drugs and parents left empty and blaming themselves.. A very special friend who lost her brother to addiction several years ago, (he too committed suicide)spoke some very wise words to me when I was stuck in a dark black hole, not knowing where to go next, or what to do….She told me that we are all responsible for everything we do, and that includes our kids being responsible for what they do too….as parents and siblings of addicts and regardless of their upbringing, our kids choose their addiction..It creeps up on them and before they know it, they are hooked…We dont love them any less…but it is not our fault…..Condolences to you Sosad..my heart breaks for you…hugs and prayers to you all xxxx
Morning Sue, Just checking in to see how you are…..That dark cloud hangs around alot for families of addicts..My OH, who is stepfather is in contact with my son….he is an amazing man, who has always been there for my son…he has great strength, and has kept me sane many times…He knows how hurt I am, and can understand me pulling away fully…..My son has another court appearance the end of the week, and no doubt will do another stint in prison..,its never ending, and im not shocked any more….I think not being involved with him at the moment is my way of dealing with his shit life…….I have made the choice and at the moment its the right thing for me……Sue the rest of the family need you too…as parents of addicts we have to keep some kind of normality….and that is heart breaking…knowing that one of our kids is out there and shitting all over their life…..Im not religious at all, but I havent prayed so much since the preverbial hit the fan…..stay strong hunni, and know its their fight…lets hope they take the bull by the horns soon and stop xxx hugs sweetheart xxxx
Oh hunni…you are a great mother, and your son has been through alot to get to the point he is at now…BUT his behaviour is not right…and to continue to give him money just means he continue to do drugs…Im not surprised he is angry, he has been let down badly by those at school that should have looked out for him…Have you thought about private therapy for him????? I too have felt like getting in the car and driving away from it all, but thats not the answer…I have stopped enabling my son..which means I give him nothing…Its hard, but when the light went on I knew it was the right thing to do……Is there anyone you can confide in….just having someone to talk to can help, or check out parent groups……It does make it easier to cope..sending hugs xxxx
Be there or your daughter, and trust her…..Show her the love of your family, but tell her about the ring going missing..and check it is missing and not misplaced……..She is an adult and deserves the truth….however it has to be her decision to come to the conclusions about this guy….Its hard when our kids grow up and perhaps make the wrong choices..as parents we have to be there,yet they have to lead their lives themselves….hugs x
Hi Sue……..Ive read your post with tears in my eyes…Its so hard sometimes to hear these sad facts about how drugs take lives… Our children are good..its the drugs that change them…And its never too late…its just hard for them to see it at the moment… Im still not talking to to my son…Ive told him not to come to our house until he starts to sort his crap out…Yesterday he went and had blood tests done and a liver check…..until they get get the results he wont know if he will be able to take the anitbuse drug…..Yes its one step, but im sick of his BS….i HAVENT GIVEN UP ON HIM….but I want him to start taking responsibility for his life….and until I can see marked improvements then I cant be around him….Sue your son does care, deep down he cares, but the drugs mask all of those feelings….I paray that ALL those we know who have succumbed to drugs find the strength to FIGHT, with every last breath….THEY SO DESERVE to be HAPPY, leading a fulfilled life….Prays, love and hope to all especially you Sue, Fiona and those I have conversed with xxxxhugs hunny xxxx
Your story is far from boring……I think you are a remarkable sibling who loves them no matter what addiction they have….You obviously miss the people they were..and thats ok, cause you had that bond with them…They are very lucky they have someone who loves them like you…..and you wont end up like them…..live your life and enjoy the partnerships you meet along the way…..xxhugs xx