[cardiffbluebird]

Thanks for the reply, reading some of the stories on here gives some comfort that it doesn’t seem to be that unusual. Although she doesn’t drink the volume that it sounds like your wife does, the toxic mix of that with her anxiety tablets gives that effect.

Thanks for the advice and you’re right, I think i’m too focused on her drinking and it’s definitely making me resent her. I’m going to focus the next week on spending some good time with my kids and involve her if she’s sober and if she drinks then leave her to it. You forget to have time for yourself in this situation and to find a way to relax.

[cardiffbluebird]

It sounds like a horrible situation to be in and my thoughts with you and your dad. It sounds like he is using alcohol as a coping mechanism with both of your loss but unfortunately alcohol is a depressant and makes the situation worse.

Have you tried talking to him to explain how it makes you feel on his sober days? He needs to find some hobbies that don’t involve drinking. If he’s now retired and widowed, he has two massive holes in his life which would have normally taken up his time.

My dad passed away several years ago and while thank god she didnt turn to drink, my mother struggled massively and I think was at the point of going crazy. We got her out of her rut through various things in the community, art class, learning a new language, and off her own back she decided to start going to church. He needs to find a way to fill his life with other people and other things to do. Was there something he always wished he had time to do when he worked? I know it’s tougher with lockdown’s etc but where there’s a will there’s a way.

You also mention that you keep it from people but does he have any other family – Siblings etc? You shouldn’t go through it alone and also, addiction thrives on secrecy. Hope you find a way through.

[cardiffbluebird]

This sounds awful. I’m sorry for your situation. I think you are right to tell his mum though as I think it brings it home sometimes for people when they can’t keep it a secret. Try and avoid the stress as much as you can, it can’t be easy. stress is no good when you’re pregnant (i’m convinced it’s why we had our 2nd baby 10 weeks early).

[cardiffbluebird]

I’m sorry to hear your story. I’m not exactly in the same boat except that my wife is something of a ‘weekend alcoholic’. I would like to tell you the answer but given my problem is still the same I can’t, except to say that you’re not alone.

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