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You can hear how much you want this, I find it hard to understand myself as I havent ever been addicted to it.
He quit drinking as it led to doing cocaine, but he also relapses every 3/4 weeks, his support group says its an anxiety build up, today is the 3rd week since he last did it and I am so anxious about it all, I have told him this and he tells me not to worry, but I cant help it.
Its not even an argument with him, he will say he is popping out and then I will get a phone call saying ” I am at so and sos and I need to make a confession” he does tell me right away but when i shout and stuff it makes him worse and he self destructs.
You need a good counsellor, I know it costs.. google Bradley Ridell. Apparently hes amazing.
I feel like I cant live with the anxiety, its heartbreaking.. even reading your messages makes me teary as deep down I know this is probably what he feels like, but he wont admit it to me.
It really is heartbreaking reading your post, going through the same sort of thing. Clean for 8 weeks, then relapses and the cycle continues. Drug/drink comes first, no matter what you threaten or say. It makes you feel worthless doesnt it, I feel so so sorry for you, I was ready to start a family with mine, everything is perfect except from this. It seriously worries me. He doesnt think he is an addict as he only does it every 8 weeks or so, he calls it a ‘habit’ to mask his anxiety feelings. Which makes me worry even more, he makes me feel like I am crazy. I wish you and your family all the best.
wow, this is so odd reading this as I am in the EXACT same situation.. mine goes to support groups, doesnt touch a drink for 4 weeks then relapses and binges with alcohol and cocaine.
he sees me as a nag as well, I find myself analysing him, every move he makes, everytime he leaves the house.
He too makes promises and breaks them, letting me down, alcohol comes first as soon as he has 1, he becomes so selfish. Which is so unlike him.
I have left and packed my bags because of it so many times.
I dont know what to do either, he binges and is mentally unwell for days after and hates himself for it then it happens again, its so draining.
Hi Hannah/Dan,
My husband is the person doing cocaine and drinking, it started with just the drink, he had a bad divorce and was lonely so started drinking socially.
I met him and noticed the drinking, but I was naive and never actually thought it was a problem I just thought he was being selfish. I soon learnt there was an issue there.
He went to the doctors and admitted there was an issue, the drinking stopped and he was doing it every other week but would binge so much and couldnt stop, no matter what I said, the drink causes him such bad mental health issues the next day its sooo bad.
Lately, he does cocaine with the drink, its like hes got a stimulant addiction.
he is going to support groups, but he still relapses every 3 ish week and its been cocaine not alcohol which really worries me.
He only has a problem when it suits him, if i mention addiction/alcoholic he get so annoyed at me, but I think it is an addiction, even if its once a month. If you cant say no to something, its an addiction, right?
I spend so much time googling, trying to understand if he has a real problem or not, I am worried as i am still young and want to settle down but this is a huge risk, reading some of these stories terrifies me.
what are your stories? this is causing me such bad anxiety, we were perfect… drugs/alcohol is coming between us and i dont think he realises the severity of the situation.
recreational use is not worth the risk – it could turn into an addiction, recreational use is always how it starts and then it spirals out of control.
I would give him an ultimatum NOW before it gets to that point.
My husband is beyond this point, it started recreational and now there is no control, that stuff ruins lives, relationships, jobs – everything.
An addict cannot use recreationally..
I wish you all the best. x
Reading this made me feel so sad for you.. you must know that YOU are not the problem, his addiction is and he will lose everything eventually.
Gosh that really worries me, I am 25 now and I have the same sort of thing with my husband (not as bad though) but I am terrified itll get to this.
Everytime addicts want a binge they start arguments to go and use and it leaves us there sad, blaming ourselves, questioning the way weve been towards them, when it actually isnt us.
I really truly wish you the best and all the happiness that you deserve, you are so incredibly strong..
I too am struggling at the moment but I am at the start of this and reading your post makes me want to run a mile, its so hard when you love someone.
Drugs and alcohol changes people, it really does…
I hate cocaine, I hate anything to do with it. I hate alcohol because its often in the places where alcohol is sold, my whole life is anxiety and worry over this.
How have you found icarustrust.org – I too am thinking of contacting them for some help. I need support too, supporting a recovering addict is draining.
lots of love Cally… xx
Me too, knowing others understand helps me too. I explain things to friends and family and they think I am over reacting as they dont know the extent of it all, his own Mum doesnt think he has a problem, she thinks he is doing it as a stress reliever and in affect I think so too but I also think he cant not, as soon as he has 1 drink thats it, there is 0 control. No matter what I say whether it be me threatening to leave etc he doesn’t care, the alcohol and cocaine comes first and that says a lot.
Just know its not you, nothing youve done. Addiction is the hardest thing to understand when you arent an addict yourself. I am thinking of going to a support group or something , ive emailed the charity help@icarustrust.org
I wish I had the answers.. youre right cocaine is everywhere you turn these days, its so frustrating. I am not a drinker or drug taker myself, I dont get why youd want to make yourself feel that horrendous AND pay for it.
My husband gets such bad mental health problems after drinking (the days after) he feels suicidal.. yet he cant help himself and relapses.
Being 27, wanting to start a family etc, its so difficult as everyone says run a mile, but I love him so much.. but I feel like its going to get worse.
I saw that hes also been through a tough time like my husband, maybe that was the trigger? mine went through an awful divorce and didnt see his children for almost 2yrs which really hurt him. He blames that trauma for turning to drugs/alcohol, its only once a month now but too much of a risk for me.
He has a problem but only admits it when it suits him..
Is your husband willing to go to the doctors and get help? gosh, I dont know how you deal with it, do you have a family?
When he goes out on one, what do you do? this is where I struggle, as I get angry and lose my temper and it makes him even worse and he drinks even more, he says me getting angry with him does the opposite and I should support him.
I feel like I am fighting a battle constantly with this, I am 27 and my life is on hold as I cannot risk having children with him, he is 32….. my mum says I should run a mile now but its so hard 🙁
praying for you… xxxxx
I really feel so sorry for you.. he needs help, until he seeks help and admits the problem things will spiral out of control. I am going through the same sort of thing, addiciton is so hard to deal with when youre the person thats meant to be ‘supporting’ the addict… its mentally draining and it does make you so paranoid and it does ruin relationships. I am so worried I will end up married like you and it will get worse.
Sending love and hugs to you x
I really wish you all the best, its clear how much you want this.. praying for you mate
I agree.. Christmas was like this for me, the awkward silences when people offer drinks etc. Its so draining.
I was in the same position as you, I am now, although he isnt doing it weekly, its now a 3 weekly thing – but he is getting help from support groups etc. One thing I will say, if he isnt willing to help himself, leave. Addiction isnt curable and without the right help and without him really wanting help, it will spiral out of control, I know its hard, but when children are involved and mortgages etc it will be even harder. HE DOES have an addiction, regardless of it being weekly. An addiction isnt just a daily thing. I have learnt this. I feel so sorry for you, as I know how this feels… I just dont know what to do either. I am in your exact position and I feel helpless x
This is so sad – he is clearly fighting an addiction and until he seeks help this will continue and will get worse – addicts become extremely selfish and blame you for their behaviour, do know, it is not you or your fault. Sending lots of love to you, I hope he gets the help he needs xxx
I went to my GP and explained how I felt – its hard to explain the feeling i had for 4 weeks after i kept going dizzy and got chest pains from anxiety. I tried anxiety medication but it made me feel worse – i havent touched nothing in years now, its not worth it. I hope you feel better soon, go speak to your GP <3 its confidential. Drugs just arent worth the risk x