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Bump, It’s really good that your family had a good Christmas Day, I’m sorry that you’re son is still in such a bad way and have such a negative impact on your family.
You’ve got solid grounds for not letting him in the house when he’s out of control with a 9 year old to protect. What else could you do? I’m so sorry you’re going through this, the stress when there’s a younger child in the family must be terrible.
Kate, I thought about you yesterday, I hope you got to see or will be seeing your grandchild xxx
Fingers crossed for a peaceful Boxing Day x
Hello, I’m not sure what you are using. My only experience is my son who is a heroin addict. If this is where you are, I’d say you need to get out quickly, this is going to ruin your life and the lives of people who love you. There are really kind and helpful forums on Reddit for all kinds of addiction, Opiate Recovery is a very supportive community, but as I said that may not be what you’re looking for, but you can search for other groups.
A relationship based on being intoxicated isn’t real and is about as unhealthy as it can get. You sound like a lovely person, but please wake up and start to value your own life.
I hope you can get the support you need.
Thinking about everyone here today and hoping things are okay. My son is with me, which is so much better than the years when his phone has been away and I’ve had no idea where he is. He is doing better and I’m grateful for that.
God bless x
Kate – I hadn’t seen your message when I posted. Its great that you can remember your son as the person he truly was and the good times you had before all of this.
After a really crap year, something really good happened. After losing my doodle at the end of August, I have taken on a 3 year old miniature poodle, really well behaved, no hang-ups, super obedient. She has really lifted my spirits and given me a reason to get up in the mornings and get out for a walk. I know its a small thing, but having something go right gives me a bit of hope for the year ahead.
Joanie – hello, your story is hard to read, the wasted years is awful to think about, and the toll on your relationship. The John Cleeves quote is very appropriate, it is the hope that makes this so hard.
Thinking about everyone on this thread and hoping today is okay xxx
Hello everyone,
I’m thinking of all of us. Bump, I’m really sorry things are so bad at the moment. I think its probably the not being able to see how things can get better any time soon without something changing dramatically, that is the real killer. That’s the thing that I wake up with, how will this ever change! Please try and get some counselling from someone who understands addiction and what you’re going through. Adfam offer 6 free one-to-one support sessions with a counselor. https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families/finding-support/request-support.
I’ve come to dread Christmas, probably like everyone else here, its easier not to expect anything from it, but hope that there isn’t a disaster. Last year I had to stay at my mum’s because she was really ill and my son was phoning and texting because my partner was rationing his codeine tablets, because he was terrified he’d take to many.
This year my partner is going away to his family and I am staying with my son, which takes some of the pressure off all of us.
Nanny ger, I really feel for you as well, I’m sorry things are so bad, at some point your son will wake up and realize what he’s doing.
Lindy – its great that your son is still on track, but he’s worked hard at it. Going to meetings must be very tough to start with.
Kate1, – always thinking of you, I know Christmas will be difficult, I hope you can be with your daughter and grandchild.
Ifonly – Hello, I am really sorry to hear your story. Its hard to comprehend how someone rejects their family in favor of drugs but its a compulsion that they can’t get a handle on. I was listening to the retired footballer, Paul Merson, talk about his gambling addiction and how he gambled away £7m, homes, everything. Even last year in lockdown he gambled the deposit he and his new wife were saving so they could buy their own home. Its impossible for us to comprehend and there is so little we can do other than try and point them towards places they can get help. I hope that your sons are doing okay, its so hard on them.
Hello, I was Christmas shopping in Birmingham today, there was a young guy selling art work, he said he was 3 months clean from heroin, he has a sponsor and is doing the 12 steps. It made me want to cry because my son is no where near accepting the help of a sponsor but also it did give me hope for the future. It felt good to see someone picking up the pieces of their life.
Praying for all of us and our boys xxx
Hi Bump,
I’m really sorry that you have Covid again, you definitely don’t deserve it.
The complete selfishness is one of the most annoying symptoms of addiction and it catches you off guard. We seem to be getting further and further from anything approaching being functional. It drives me mad, but its also me not doing anything about it.
It does feel good to be able to vent!
Take care of yourself xxx
Februarymarie- sorry I missed your post. I hope that your son is doing okay, I know how worried you will be xxx
Hi,
I hope things are as okay as they can be. My weekend was uneventful, my son stayed in his room just coming out for the odd bit of food but no big drama. Maybe that’s the thing with heroin, it just spaces you out, so there’s no real anything.
I started reading a book on kindle yesterday, Understanding and Helping an Addict, (and keeping your sanity) by Andrew Proulx who is a recovering addict. He’s a doctor and writes a lot about addiction research.
It’s quite insightful because he explains what it’s like in the mind of an addict when they relapse. He’s big on the 12 steps and I’m starting to really see the benefit of having a sponsor they can turn to when they are falling back.
I know we’re all exhausted and sick of worrying about how this is ever going to change for the better for more than a few months.
Thinking about you all xxx
Have a good weekend everyone, I pray that we all have as little drama as possible xxx
Happy birthday Bump I’m sorry it’s all been so rubbish for you recently, but at least your son has gone to a meeting.
My son also had bladder probs from ketamine, they call it Bristol Bladder because it was a big part of the party scene but it’s awful stuff.
Kate – I can understand you looking for answers, it must be very hard to comprehend what has happened. I wish there was something I could say, other than I’m so sorry xxx
I’ve never heard of that, I’ll google. You know we shouldn’t have to know about any of this stuff.
Kate I did ask my son and the only other thing is ketamine which is very expensive, it’s a rave drug, but they use it on horses to put them to sleep. I googled and using it with cocaine seems to be a bit of a thing. Like everything else, apparently the come-down leaves you depressed. My son used it a year ago to withdraw from heroin and I found him asleep on the bathroom floor, I was terrified. It’s also really expensive.
Hi, your situation sounds very stressful, I’m really sorry that your family are going through this. I have a son who has addiction issues and I find that hard to cope with, without having to worry about small children.
I would talk to an addiction helpline, they will be able to support you with this. I have lent heavily on Drugsfam and they’ve been really helpful. This forum is full of amazing people who will also be there for you.
Something that I have learned is to not keep it a secret between you and your wife. If you have relatives that you trust and know you both well I would probably confide in them. If you keep it a secret it adds another layer of stress and if people know what’s going on they can help. My son gets angry if anyone in our family finds out but I’ve decided that as it’s me that has to deal with the fall out I’ll decide if someone needs to know. Hopefully you may have someone who can help you with the children. I can understand why you don’t want Social Services involved and only you can decide on that. I really hope that your wife wakes up and can get the support she needs from local addiction services and Narcotics Anonymous. I guess no one chooses to become addicted to drugs/alcohol but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. I hope things improve for you all xxx