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I’m really sorry to hear about your son and his problems with heroin and meth. Most of us have enough to deal with just trying to deal with life with an addict without having to take their children on, when you still have a teenager yourself to raise. It must be hard knowing he is in prison but I can understand why you might see it as being the least worse option. My son has been using heroin for 4 years. Its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride but the more people that I come across on the forum who have a child with heroin problems the more I am realising that this is a long slog and there are no quick fixes.
It’s brilliant that you and the children’s other grandmom are taking care of them, they are lucky to have you. Has your son had any treatment? My son talks to others on the internet but doesn’t got to meetings or seek any help. He doesn’t work at the moment, and used to have a really good job. It’s all very sad and pointless. This forum is really helpful, everyone is so supportive, and it really does help to feel that there are people that really understand what you are going through.
Take care of yourself xxx
I know, you must miss him so much, he was your baby. You were very good to him and he knew you loved him.
I bet you’re a wonderful grandmother x
Kate – I can’t stop thinking about you and what has happened to your son. There is a UK support group for people effected by suicide of a loved one. There is a helpline and local groups. If you feel like you can, please ring the helpline. This is just an anonymous forum but is probably the most powerful thing that we have to help us. In time you might find again that talking to people that have experienced suicide helps you when you need it. You are very open and honest on this forum and I think that will help you in the days and weeks ahead. I think it’s holding in the grief that is too big for us to handle is what sinks us. You have a grandchild and daughter, and happy times ahead.
The group is: uksobs.org which stands for survivors of bereavement by suicide.
Your son died of something that you couldn’t cure him of, the things you did, you did because you loved him. He could’ve been ill with a physical disease, and died. It’s not really that different. But you would be less likely to blame yourself. This is not in our hands, what happens in the end to our addicted sons.
I bet your son was lovely, kind and funny before drugs took hold, please try and remember that person.
It’s hard to ever find the right words when someone dies and I hope this doesn’t sound preachy. I am so sad for you, I can only try and imagine the pain. We are all thinking about you and have cried for you.
Sorry about any typos, if I read this back I’ll probably delete it so sending as it is.
xxx
Oh Kate I am so sorry, I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now. I hope you have people with you right now. Your son did that probably in a moment of complete madness. Addiction and chemicals do that, and none of it is your fault. I don’t know how you come to terms with this but you were there for your son and he would’ve known that you really loved him. Please don’t be alone, you will need to get proper counselling to help you to deal with what has happened. Post here when you are able. We are all here for you x
Vicky, I’m sure that you did everything that you could for your brother. I’m really sorry that you lost him, he was lucky to have a loving sister. Addicts are letdown badly because of continuous cuts to services and health care as well as the low-lifes who push drugs. I hope that you also have happy memories of better times that you spent together xxx
Susan, I was really sorry to read about your daughter and her family. This must be so difficult for you, especially with children involved and it all going on so close to home. When I first found out that my son was doing heroin I spoke to a counsellor at Drugfam and they told me not to live close to my son, I thought that was very harsh but understand it now. My son lives with me at the moment, although he’s still using he has knocked it right back, but I know that this could change, its a very uneasy peace, of sorts. One of the things that has helped me is visiting the Opiate Recovery thread on Reddit. Reading the day-to-day struggles of people trying to get free of it, helped me to have more empathy and patience with what users go through. It feels like a miserable existence waiting for them to find the strength to beat it. I think having your own full life and strong friendships probably helps but I’ve no idea how you build that for yourself when inside everything feels so bleak and you feel like its destroying you. I hope that you get some comfort from this forum, its a very special place. I’m not sure how it works, but knowing that others understand what you are going through and have similar struggles really helps. When one of us has good news, I think that makes us all more optimistic about what is possible.
I hope things get better for you x
Just got into bed and thought about everyone on this thread. I hope things are as okay as they can be and that today had some good bits. Sleep well xxx
68862 – I really hope that this is the start of better times for your son and you. As you say, hearing good news from one of us gives everyone else hope. I visited a friend today, who’s husband has had a serious stroke, he can’t walk and the whole thing is so sad but they are getting a lot of support from the nhs abs social services. If you compare that with what Ivy and Bump have seen their son’s go through and there’s very little in terms of treatment for addiction or support for parents. Addiction and mental health are right at the back of the queue for funding.
I’d love to cook you a meal and just listen, everyone needs this support.
Ivy – I am so sorry about what you’re going through with your son. I wish you could get help. It’s like a living death watching a child destroy themselves and not being able to prevent it.
The limitation with this forum is that we can’t sit with each other and let each of us cry. We are all a bit alone and when something dreadful happens you need to know people have a bit of understanding and empathy.
I am thinking of you and praying for you and your son.
Februarymarie – I hope that lunch with your son goes well. He’s done really well to stop drinking.
Hi Nannyger,
What you’ve been through is heartbreaking, I don’t know how you’ve kept yourself going. I am probably lucky that my son doesn’t have any children, that’s a whole new level of worry. Saying goodbye to your son must have been very hard, I’m sure you must feel that loss terribly even though for the sake of your own sanity you had no choice.
You’re so right that there is a comfort in not being alone in this. I wish there was more help out there for them and treatment.
Every time someone new joins this thread I think about how I’ve adjusted my expectations. A few years ago I would drive to town and we’d meet for dinner. He had a great job, nice car and was so well dressed. I felt so proud and he seemed to be happy. As someone else has said, now I’d be relieved if he was doing anything for a living that’s legal, but was functioning and seeing people. I’ve always had fairly ‘boring’ jobs around finance and he was able to work in a very exciting industry – I was so happy for him, he worked hard to get there, and it’s all come to nothing. Most of the time I am okay and accepting but then sometimes you look at it in the cold light of day and it’s just so sad. Sorry, just having a moment. Addiction is like an evil disease, but there’s not much help out there for them. Rant over.
Hi Tebramar – I’m really sorry to hear about your son and wife’s addiction. That must be so stressful for you. My son has a heroin problem, and its been a very long 4 years, things are better now but he is still using.
Are you in the UK? I haven’t heard of much fentanyl use in the UK, its something that I live in fear of because if it’s strength.
I hope things get better for you all.