[jennifer68]

Hi sorry taken so long to reply to your posts but been hectic week and sometimes you have to read through the comments and take them all in slowly.

My son does work but has had so many jobs some last a couple weeks some couple months depending on the employer cause he probably only works 2 or 3 days out of 5 day working week depending on what state he gets in that week and I know I am enabling him but you ladies are much stronger than me over the years friends family and professionals have told me if something happens to him if I put him out my home it’s not my fault but I simply can’t bring myself to take that risk I have lost so many family members in my life I can’t lose my son so maybe I have no right to even complain about the life I live as I choose to put up with it.

11 years I have lived this way it’s kind of normal now sadly cause it really isn’t normal!

But you go to work everyday as if nothing wrong when you may of been up Al night dealing with a person off their head either drunk or drugged up you deal with drug dealers at the door I really wish I could put him out I have been close but always back down I admire you all who have taken that decision maybe one day I will have strength to do it but thanks for your advice it’s such a help having this forum x

[jennifer68]

Hi all, just trying to get bit of advice really.

I have been on this site few years now and have found it a great comfort when feeling alone when things at there worst with my son.

I read so many of your sons have been in treatment or getting help but what do I do if my son never will? I feel like I am allowing him to kill himself and I am doing nothing and as a mum feel like total failure I can’t drag him to doctor or drug adviser I have begged time and time again 11 years now since he was 14 , people tell me over the years when he hits rock bottom he will get help but he’s hit rock bottom lots of times and still won’t get help I will never put him out of my house what can I do it s breaking my heart

[jennifer68]

Dear desperatemum2 I don’t even know what to say but please don’t give up you deserve to live in peace please try find a helpline that you can talk to someone over phone tonight! If you have a car go for a drive park up and ring someone so at least you can talk privately without your son hearing, i suppose I am lucky I have never been physically touched by my son it’s come close but never touched

Your mum wouldn’t want you to take your life and think of your other children, I wish I could help you, please stay strong x

[jennifer68]

Thankyou both, helps when you speak to people in similar situation, but I wish to god I wasnt even having to use this forum, I am sure you understand what I mean by that! If someone would of said to me 15 years ago that my sweet kind little lad that was obsessed with the Simpsons and Mario cart lol was now addicted to cocaine and alcohol and spends most of his time on his phone trying to get his next fix of anything! I have lost my son, he no longer has morals or empathy or feelings for anyone I wish I had a time machine to go back I know if I’d been more clued up then I could of prevented it all.

I honestly think I am going insane, I too don’t like going anywhere as worry too much what will go on the odd time I do its constant phone calls for money and always drama so easier stay home although 99 percent of time I long to be somewhere far away middle of nowhere.

God I am having bad day so sorry to ramble

As I sit writing this he is roaming the house shutting all the curtains even though it’s daylight, he’s sweating and just been sick as he’s overdone it! This has become normal life for me now but tonight is actually better than last night when he was out all night wrecked, that’s when you sit there just waiting for him to stagger in or thinking is the police gonna knock at door sleepless nights are worse.

[jennifer68]

Hi all, I have been trying to get my 25 year old son to seek help for 10 years, it’s heartbreaking as watch him deteriorate day by day he’s like skin and bone covered in scars from years of falls and accidents when he’s drunk and drugged up.

I live on my nerves, sometimes I cannot breathe with the anxiety of it all the worry is horrendous I just want a normal life but can’t ever see that happening.

I don’t care if he’s on the dole for rest of his life as long as he’s sober and off the drugs in fact when he does work it’s worse as he has more money to do what he does, its such a lonely life when you have an adult child in this situation

[jennifer68]

Brilliant that you’ve found strength to get help , think we all realise deep down that our loved ones do care it’s the drugs and alcohol that make them the way they are but hard sometimes to remember that when your on the recieving end of their abuse , I wish you luck with getting help stay strong x

[jennifer68]

Hi Fearny I really understand your pain I have constant knot in my stomach and am too on edge of cracking , I often feel like just just leaving my house and disappearing I had abuse yesterday cause I dared to ask where he was going and who he was meeting as knew he was going out on one ! I have nothing but debt and arrears and he spends every penny on his addictions I look at him when he is screaming and swearing at me and think what hell have I created i love him but hate him sounds terrible but true

[jennifer68]

Hi , how you doing ? Hope your ok , I am ok same old situation with my son , lockdown was hell ! You would of thought no drugs would of been available! But drug dealers seemed to be exempt from all the rules !! But unfortunately shops still sold alcohol which is my son’s favourite vice at moment been horrendous couple months had police involved just gets worse total self destruct he looks like down and out it’s heartbreaking but only he can help himself and don’t think he ever will I just can’t see things ever changing it’s 8 years now of drugs and alcohol . Anyway what’s your situation now ?

[jennifer68]

Hi , just read your post I feel your pain I am in similar situation , just wondering how your son is now ? Did you let him come home ? I have done same to my son twice now over the years but always take him back just wondering how your situation is now it’s so helpful for me to find out other people in same situations experiences , thankyou

[jennifer68]

Hi I am so sorry for the loss of your husband , this site is an amazing support and I hope it gives you little bit of help to get through this terrible time . I have a son with addiction problems , drink and drugs and I find this site helps, I also lost my husband to alcohol and drugs so feel your pain myn was over 20 years ago but know exactly how dark things are when you first lose the person you love especially horrific when it’s substance abuse , just wish to God I had this site back then , wishing you all the best and try stay strong x

[jennifer68]

Hi how s things with your son , did you manage get some information on rehab x

[jennifer68]

Hi going through same with my son it’s heartbreaking I have rang every helpline going over past few years if your in position to afford rehab then ring Frank they will give you information I sadly am not and sadly unless you can pay for help is virtually impossible so try Frank and I wish you all the best it’s a lonely sad life dealing with a child with these problems x

[jennifer68]

It’s heartbreaking when you love someone and they do this to you as you cannot understand how if someone truely loves you that they would put you through this , but unfortunately it’s the power of alcohol and drugs ! Makes people lie , steal and manipulate. I think maybe this lockdown has made alot of people myself included really reavaluate their lives and future. I know that after all this is over I am going to make serious changes I will not have another 7 years of living like this and I hope you find the strength to do the same . Must be terrible not being able to be with your mum when you need that love support and understanding that a mother gives but your not alone and there are links on this website where you can talk to people who can help but understand thats not for everyone , I hope you have ok few days

[jennifer68]

Also need to say that under certain situations you can go stay with family or a friend even though lockdown rules I have checked with gov website

[jennifer68]

Helps knowing not just me feeling like this I walked for two hours other evening wearing my sunglasses to hide the tears my situation is difficult as my 23 year old son so can’t turn my back on him and if I did make him leave if anything happened to him would never forgive myself ! I can’t even imagine going through this if it was a partner and I had small children in house that’s just terrible and not fair that any of us have to live with these feelings especially when you have to put on a brave face and lie to everyone around you on daily basis it’s rubbish

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