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Hi Charliedug, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery offering support.
Thank you for sharing your story, yet another family affected by the nightmare of addiction.
If you click above to ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread, there are several of us mums with sons with addictions and every one is so helpful and supportive. You can talk freely knowing you won’t be judged, and we’re all pretty much on the same boat.
My son is 28yrs and has cocaine and alcohol addictions. He’s been hard work since he was about 14.
We have been where you are, he’s currently in early recovery but doing well thankfully atm.
He reached out to us for support two years ago, up to his eyes in debt, dealers looking for him, in bad health, about to lose his job ,flat everything. He contacted AA and CA groups, went to meetings, met a sponsor and a good support network through these groups.
He has relapsed several times, but this is normal.
Nothing will change unless your son wants to change. It begins and ends with his choices.
In the meantime, let him know you love him, but you’re not here to pay off his mounting debt.
Find time for yourself, confide in a close friend or post here. The adfam homepage offer advice and support as does the Icarus trust who post here.
Take care of yourself Charliedug, this addiction problem can consume you as much as it consumes them.
Sending hugs ❤
Lx
P.S. Rant as much as you need to!
Lx
Hi Bump
It’s good to hear that your son is 7 months clean. I understand it must be so difficult when your son is mean and disrespectful to you. As a mum It’s so hurtful. I know that you are a great mum. As I said to February, the drugs and alcohol have probably caused paranoia and confusion. I’m sure he’s still there. My son is still thankfully in early recovery, but is quick to fly off the handle at the slightest thing, and still gets aggressive sometimes. He also has paranoia.
I hope you’re feeling better physically, I know this long covid is a nightmare. I’m feeling stronger but not looking forward to the colder weather. Please look after yourself. I think and pray for is all daily.
Sending hugs ❤
Lx
I hope and pray the meeting goes well for you February Marie.
You know you will always have our support here.
Take care, stay strong
Lx ❤
Hi directionless,
Thank you for sharing your story, it gives us all hope. Whether we are mums, dads, sisters or children of addicts.
I wish you both a happy healthy future.
Lx
Hi all
I’ve been thinking of you all and keeping us all and our boys in my prayers.
February Marie- I’m so sorry to hear that your son is putting you and your family under pressure. Addiction is such an ugly disease.
Kate1 is right, let him know that you love him but you and you family have a right to live your lives without worrying about what’s going to happen next.
I think the cocktail of alcohol mixed with drugs can confuse them and cause paranoia especially if they’ve been using for a while . I agree, it would be hard to let him come home, it wouldn’t be fair on you all. You have your own health and well-being to consider.
I wish I had all the answers February, just wanted to know I’m thinking of you. Stay strong.
Sending hugs ❤
Lx
Hi Lovely Roses, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice too.
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m so sorry to hear that your dad’s addictive behaviour is affecting you.
I’m no expert but it sounds to me that he has a very addictive personality. My son is 28 and has alcohol and cocaine addictions for more than years. Thankfully he’s doing well and in early recovery..
He reached out to us for support two years ago. Debt, illness threat of losing his job,house car.
He joined AA and CA meetings, did 12 step program, got a sponsor, met some great support.
This can only happen if the addicted is willing to seek help.
In the meantime, please look after your own health and well-being. Confide in someone close and keep in touch here.
The forum has advice and support as does the Icarus trust who post here. Please don’t feel alone in this nightmare of addiction.
Take care, stay strong lovely
Lx
Thanks Ajay, this gives us all hope.
Lx ❤
Click onto ‘share your story ‘ at the top, then scroll back until you see the Theresa thread.
The other mums are so supportive.
Lx
Georgie, this forum is a godsend. There are people here who understand, they have, or are going through similar problems. No one will judge you, there are also people in recovery offering support and advice too.
My family aren’t aware of my son’s addiction either. It would rock their worlds! But I have confided in two close friends which helps.
It’s tough for me and my husband and daughter. Like you say, you try to hold it together, just take each minute, hour, day at a time. Don’t think too far ahead.
Our sons lash out at us because we are the closest to them. Deep down they don’t mean it, the drugs turn them into people we don’t recognise. It’s definitely no reflection on you as a mother- you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t care.
❤
Hi Georgie, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one who has addictions.
I was so sorry to read your story, yet another family affected by the evils of addiction and the devastation it brings with it.
I usually post on the Theresa thread. There are several of us mums with sons with addictions. All varying degrees of addiction but the same sad story . Parents worrying and being stressed and anxious, and not knowing what to do for the best.
I wanted you to know that you are not alone in this nightmare.
The mums on the Theresa thread are very kind and supportive. The adfam homepage and Icarus trust also offer advice and support.
I can only say from experience that unless they ready and willing to seek help, there’s little we can do until then.
Please look after your own health and well-being, find time for yourself. Perhaps let the doctor know how you feel too.
Keep in touch here.
Stay strong
Lx ❤
Hi Liz, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with addictions.
I am so sorry to read your story. This is a very stressful time for you and the family. I wanted you to know that there’s no need to feel alone in this nightmare.
My son is 28 and has alcohol and cocaine addictions, I know how this evil drug can turn our sons into people we don’t recognise anymore. They become selfish, unfeeling, aggressive, run up debt, and expect you to pay it. They will blame you for all their problems. The truth is, they always hurt those who are closest to them. I’m sorry to say in my experience, until they realise they have a problem, nothing you say will make them change.
It would be difficult to put him out the house, but sometimes you need to put your own health and well-being first. He needs to know you love him but hate what addiction is doing to him.
The Icarus trust posts here and the adfam forum offers help and advice for families. I post on the Theresa thread, there are several of us mums all with sons with addictions. Everyone is so understanding and supportive.
Please stay strong.
Lx
Hi KFL
Welcome to the forum, where so many here are affected by a loved one’s addictions. You will never be judged and people here are supportive and kind.
I just noticed your post and wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. Addiction is a terrible and evil thing to have in a family. It consumes everything and everyone. It turns your loved one into a selfish, horrible and insensitive person. All they care about is the next fix.
It is an illness that’s very hard for the to control, unless they are really strong and will seek help.
Unfortunately for some, like your dad, the need for this drug consumes their whole life. They go on a path of self destruct and push away those who love them.
Please don’t feel guilty, I’m sure you tried your best with him.
He is now out of this torment now, and I’m sure he loved you but this evil addiction was too strong for him to fight.
My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions and every day is a battle for him. Thankfully he is in early recovery atm.
Take care of yourself, speak to bereavement counselling service. Icarus trust and the Adfam forum have support too.
Thinking and praying for you
Lx ❤
Hi all,
I’ve been thinking of you all here often.
68862 – I’m so sorry to hear that your son’s addiction is upsetting the family. It’s so frustrating when you know they could turn their lives around and everyone could just lead normal lives.
Addiction is evil, it just seems to rip the heart out of families. I wish I knew what to say to make things better for you. Hopefully he’s had a fright and will knuckle down and fight this fight. Your lovely grandchildren will be a welcome distraction at this time for you.
Debc – I’m also sorry to hear that your son has relapsed. It’s really frustrating, you kinda get lured into a false sense of security when they’re in recovery, but at the same time, you feel you can never really relax. At least you have work and your grandchild.
I’m glad he’s doing meetings, my son almost relapsed again, feeling sorry for himself, why do I need to do this, or that? Why can’t I do this etc. A CA fellowship guy spoke to him and told him to stop feeling sorry for himself. He hadn’t been to a meeting for a few days and was weakening. I’m sure he’ll get back on the saddle again. As I said to 68862 it’s a battle they fight with addiction every moment of the day, and particularly at weekends. We can only love them, as Kate said, addiction and all.
Stay strong, thinking and praying for us all here.
Lx ❤
Hi Jasminnie, welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear that you are going through this nightmare which is addiction- with your son.
Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers but I wanted you to know that there’s no need to feel alone.
My son is 28 and has alcohol and cocaine addictions. He is currently in early recovery and i know every day is a battle for him.
He started dabbling at 14 and progressed to cocaine triggered by alcohol. I have been through the aggressive behaviour, the escalating debt, us being blamed for all his issues etc.
I usually post on the Theresa thread, there are several of us mums all with sons with addictions. Its so difficult to give advice as every person with addiction needs a different approach. In my opinion there needs to be a balance of the fact that he needs your unconditional love, but you need to take care of your own mental health too.
The forum has a homepage with support and the Icarus trust posts here too. There are people in recovery here, also offering support and advice from a different perspective.
Unfortunately it has to be his decision to stop and change his lifestyle. When this happens, its easier to support them I’ve found.
The AA and CA offer great support it’s been the only thing that’s worked for my son so far.
Please take care of yourself, find time for you.
Stay in touch here.
Sending hugs
Lx