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Hi Jem,
About work, strangely its a welcome distraction for me. But I’m part time so its not so bad.
There’s time when it’s hard to hold things together though.
Yes, hopefully he’ll get on track, all our lads.
Stay strong Jem
Sending hugs ❤️
Lx
Kate1 and Debc
I just saw your posts there. As I said to Bump, you sound like lovely kind mums. So frustrating when you try your hardest and get treated so badly.
I’m just ticking along. My son was clean 3 or 4 weeks ago, going to meetings etc., but sadly the tell tale signs not answering my texts or messages tells a tale. I’m sure he’ll have lapsed again and its just a matter of time where he’ll be wanting food and cigs until next paid day. He’s so predictable, I guess it could be 100 times worse. It’s just when he starts..there’s no off switch and I worry about his work. Thankfully he’s still “working from home ” …..some of the time I think. And the cycle begins again…
Its exhausting treading on eggshells not to upset him, in case he’ll use us as excuse to use.
We just have to be strong and look after ourselves in the meantime.
I’m thankful I can offload here as my family aren’t aware of my son’s addictions.
Goodnight and God bless ????
Lx
Hi Bump, i feel so sad for you and your family. You really don’t deserve this..I guess none of us do though. You sound like such a nice person, but a body can only take so much pressure and anxiety.
You are definitely doing the right thing in taking a step back.
I can bear thinking about what you’ve been through, in having to put your son out the house. I don’t know how I would have coped.
Take the advice you offer to others, find time for yourself, be kind to yourself.
This covid and long covid is compounding things too Bump. Problems are harder to deal with when you’re not 100%.
Sending hugs ❤️
Lx
Hi Kate1
I can feel the sadness and anxiety in your words. It’s a horrible feeling, I have this feeling every month on his payday.
My son also gets his wages end of every month and I dread the weekends. This is the hardest time for them.
My son has been okay since his last relapse 3or 4 weeks ago. He is in his own flat. The deposit was paid by an inheritance, I was so relieved when he moved out over 3 years ago. We knew he was making bad choices but didn’t realise the extent of it all. The huge drug debt, and debt to loan companies.
We amalgamated all the debt, we paid it off, now he pays it back to us interest free every month.
You can never fully relax with the situation, I feel on edge a lot of the time , as does my husband .
He would never be able to move back here if he lost the house. It would affect me and my hubby’s health and well-being. So I just hope and pray every day that he gets the strength to fight his addiction and not give into temptation.
Perhaps if you spoke to one of the counsellors at Icarus trust they could put your mind at ease? I think that’s my next step if my son deteriorates.
Keep posting here as it helps to speak to others in similar situations.
Try to find time to switch off and enjoy the weekend.
Take care ❤
Lx
Hi Bump
Their brains must be so busy with all the ups and downs of addiction.
Please try not to dwell too much on what he might be doing. The anxiety of it all is exhausting for us.
Take time for yourself Bump and as Jem said charge your batteries.
I hope your Long Covid is better.
Sending hugs ❤️
Lx
Hi Jem, i can totally relate to what you said. When my son was clean I felt guilty that he was doing well. But I think you are constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for the next tragedy to unfold!
It’s good to share positive news too as it gives us all hope.
Enjoy your bike ride and pub meal, take pleasure in the little things.
Have a good weekend all.
Sending hugs ❤️
Lx
I can’t say to you, stop bailing him out, but I know al – anon tell you this. As a mum this is such a hard decision to make.
I’m glad you joined the Theresa thread, some of the mums have been through this already and a lot worse. They will be very supportive and helpful.
The Icarus trust also gives support and advice too.
I stopped paying the drugs debt, but I bought food and cigs until he got/gets paid. It’s just whatever works for each situation I guess. But I agree, its a vicious cycle.
Stay strong and positive if you can, and take care of you.
Lx
Hi Kate1
Sounds like i wrote this myself!
My son was dabbling at 14, he always had the excuse…someone must’ve slipped me something…story. But it happened a lot really. Then at 16 started an apprenticeship , the gambling started, things were going missing, he was selling anything of value. I guess by 20 he was a functional addict. He drank a lot, but his room was a tip, and he looked like a vagrant…no offence to vagrants!
I think my son has ocd or adhd, whatever he does, its 100%.
Lx
Hi Kate 1
I’ve read your story and wanted you to know that you’re not alone here. So many of us here with loved ones with addictions.
I wish I had all the answers to give you, my 28yr old son also has alcohol and cocaine addictions, I know how it can consume our lives like it consumes them.
The forum offers advice and support also the Icarus trust posts here too.
Unfortunately until they understand that they have a problem and want to seek help and support, there’s very little that we as parents can do.
It’s a very tough thing to do to stop enabling your loved one.
My son has had periods of being clean through AA and CA meetings and their 12 step program. He’s relapsed a few times too, but I think this happens.
Please look after your own health and well-being in the meantime. Your son is still there, it’s just the addiction that turns them into people you don’t recognise any more. It makes them selfish and unfeeling. They will lash out at the ones who care the most about them..
Please stay strong, read the Theresa thread we are all mums with sons with addictions. Everyone is so understanding and supportive of each other.
Take care ❤
Lx
Just be strong, you’ve got this Dan! You’ve done it before and you can do it again, have faith in yourself.
Take care ❤
Lx
Hi Dan, so pleased that you’re sounding positive and back on track!
Enjoy the great outdoors…my son did some open sea swimming with some of the fellowship guys..very bracing!
Stay strong,
Sending virtual hugs
Lx
Hi Scairy, try not to give up hope. There are many success stories here too.
My son joined AA and CA meetings and did them regularly, much better in person than online he says. He managed to stay clean almost 6 months, he managed 3 months before that. The fellowship are great, so supportive and helpful he has met many contacts through it.
It does help speaking to others here in similar situations, you don’t feel so alone. Many times you can’t speak to family or friends for fear of being judged.
In the meantime look after yourself, whatever makes you relax or happy.
Take care and keep posting here to chat.
Lx
Hi all
There’s isn’t a day goes by when I don’t think and pray for us all on this thread.
Stay strong my sisters ❤, please find time for yourselves and take pleasure in the little things.
Sending virtual hugs to all,
Lxx
Hi Scairy, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one with addictions and we all help and support each other.
I’m sorry to read your story I am also mum to a son with alcohol and cocaine addictions. I know what these addictions can do to a family, I can totally sympathise with you.
I wish I had all the answers, but until they admit they have a problem and want help , there’s very little we as parents can do.
The Icarus trust posts here and the forum has support on the homepage..
It’s so hurtful when your child turns into this unrecognisable person who treats you badly and bleeds you dry. My husband and I often say that too, love him but don’t like him/behaviour. Your lad is still there, it’s just this evil addiction that is consuming him.
During lockdown I did a free course on understanding ADHD, there is definitely a link between it and substance abuse.
I remember someone here said to watch the medication, make sure it’s the right one for him. Otherwise you just replace one addiction for another.
I usually post on the Theresa thread, several mums posting about our sons. Everyone is so supportive and kind.
No need to feel alone in this nightmare of addiction.
Take care,
Lx
Lilgunner,
So sorry to hear of your loss. This is my worst nightmare for my son.
I do hope that your friend gets the help and support he needs.
Look after yourself too, it’s tough supporting a person with addictions.
Take care ❤
Lx